A Kyrah Update

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a little post about Kyrah. Since then I've received more feedback about the rising pop star than anyone else I've featured on this blog in the past five years. It seems everyone loves Kyrah or loves to hate her. Either way, the new Ke$ha has definitely made an impact and I thought I'd give you an update on her latest movements. Firstly, "Uh Oh" has been confirmed as her debut single. The final radio edit will be mixed by Ash Howes (Kylie, Marina & The Diamonds and Little Boots) and remixes have already been commissioned from Digital Dog and Almighty. I haven't heard the latter - Since when did Almighty come back in fashion? I feel like it's 1997 all over again! - but the Digital Dog mixes are amazing. Check out the Digital Dog Radio Edit below. Great stuff but they've removed the now iconic lyric "wake up naked and it's oops I'm naked". Scandal! In other news, Kyrah is gearing up to film the "Uh Oh" video clip in the next couple of weeks. I'm told it will be old Hollywood meets white trash. Sounds right up my alley! Oh and she finally has a proper internet presence. Check out/add/follow Kyrah on:

1. Mixpod
2. Twitter
3. Myspace
4. Facebook

Anyway, here's her first remix:

Give Yoko Something

I've always been fascinated by Yoko Ono. Until the arrival of Cheryl Cole, she was the world's most hated woman. A lesser being would have crumbled under the pressure but the Japanese icon wore the title as a badge of honour and just kept on doing her thing. It's taken 40 odd years but Yoko finally appears to have found her niche - as a 77 year old dance queen! 2007's fabulously titled "Open Your Box" has spawned 9 singles, the latest of which is a remix of her classic 1980 anthem "Give Me Something". The song is currently sitting at #3 on the US club chart and is as good a starting point as any for an exploration of the misunderstood diva's music career. "Walking On Thin Ice" will always be my favourite Ono opus but "Give Me Something" comes a close second. The quirky tune holds up incredibly well, making it the perfect candidate for a dance overhaul. I love the minimal but still meaningful lyrics, while Yoko's wonderfully demented vocal delivery sounds brilliant against the driving club beats. All of the remixes are amazing but I'm obsessed with the Stonebridge Vocal Mix (below). There's something cruel and clinical about the production that just works brilliantly. I wish Australian DJs would show Yoko as much love as their American counterparts because this hot bitch is the new Queen of Clubs! Fact.

Remembering Tamar Braxton

Don't get me wrong. I love Toni Braxton. Anthems like "Breathe Again", "You're Making Me High" and "Un-Break My Heart" defined the 90s. It's difficult then to explain my total lack of enthusiasm about her soon to be released comeback album despite being one of the few people who actually likes her floptastic lead single "Yesterday". The problem is that everytime I see or hear Toni - I get the urge to kneel down and pray for the return of her infinitely more fabulous sister. Tamar Braxton hasn't released a song since 2000 but the intervening decade has only made my heart grow fonder. Much like La Toya, this long suffering songbird never got a fair go from music fans. It seems there was only room for one deep tranny voice on the charts and Toni got in first. Either that or Tamar was simply too tasteful and elegant (see picture below) for the mainstream. I'm going with the latter! For the uninitiated, the youngest Braxton sister was discovered in the bathroom singing "please get me some toilet paper". Believe me, I wish I was joking. That should have been some kind of omen for the tone of the diva's career but more about that later.

Tamar's stunning approach to fashion inspired a generation

Tamar first came to prominence as part of the family group (who else remembers The Braxtons' amazing cover of "The Boss"?) but was singled out by super producer Christopher "Tricky" Stewart as a solo star and released her first and only album in 2000. The first single was a fierce urban jam that managed to be entertaining despite the unwanted presence of Janet's troll husband. I remember being absolutely transfixed by the classy video, which features some of the best stripper moves ever captured on film. However, the album's finest moment was undoubtedly its second single. "If You Don't Wanna Love Me" is one of my all time favourite ballads. Everything about Tamar's timeless anthem is beautiful - from the heartbreaking lyrics to the diva's powerhouse vocal delivery. The song is as good as, if not better than, anything in Toni's back catalogue and should have been a massive hit. Unfortunately, it barely scraped into the top 30 of the R'n'B chart and effectively killed Tamar's career. Since then she's been reduced to singing back up for Toni. The indignity! Make sure you listen to the original ballad version of "If You Don't Wanna Love Me" because I've decided to post something a little more uplifting. I noticed that the brilliant Hex Hector mix was missing from Youtube - a glaring omission that I decided to rectify immediately. In my opinion, this is one of the legendary DJ's best remixes. Tamar's legacy lives on!

Toy Toy's Latest Triumph

Toy Toy has put the rest of the music world to shame. Yet again. While tragic nobodies like Jennifer Lopez and Britney Spears hawk their cheap perfumes and tatty wares to the masses, the thinking man's Jackson has just signed on as the face of the world's most expensive hand cream. Take that, haters! As far as I'm concerned this is a match made in heaven. Clearly the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of eternal youth and beauty is La Toya. She hasn't aged a day since Reagan was in office - thanks to a strict diet and no exercise according to her latest interview. Yes, adoring fans, Toy has given away some of her highly prized beauty secrets in a bid to promote Alessandro's Dream Cream (bottom)!

This video has me completely hypnotised. I can't remember the last time I've seen so much glamour captured on film. La Toya looks as ravishing as ever but she's almost shown up by the German stunner sitting next to her. As endlessly fascinated as I was to learn our Queen's hangover cure, the most exciting thing about the interview is confirmation that the Duchess of Dance will release a new album THIS YEAR! Admittedly, she's been saying that since 2002 but her manager correctly points out that 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of her debut and there are rumours that Teddy Riley has just been hired as the head of music development at Toy Toy's incredibly useless record label. Given his recent collaboration with Lady Gaga (Teddy produced "Teeth") this would be quite a coup for Ja-Tail. I'm extremely sceptical but stranger things have happened. Like La Toya being hired as the face of a luxury cosmetics company!

Kat De Luna & Akon - Push Push

Kat De Luna has to be the unluckiest woman in pop. The current urban dance craze can be traced directly back to her 2007 album "9 Lives", yet the Dominican diva gets no credit for paving the way for Rihanna & co - let alone acknowledgement for hooking up with RedOne well before Lady Gaga. I guess revenge is a dish best served bankrupt because Kat continues to work with the hottest names in the industry despite having more flops than Dannii. But there could be some method to her madness if "Push Push" is any indication. This stunning call to the dancefloor is one of the best American pop songs of 2010 (along with Livvi Franc's "Automatik" and the ubiquitous "Better Than Her"). The production - courtesy of RADIO - is equal parts electro-dance and dancehall. I love the catchy handclaps and vocal hooks, while the euphoric chorus grabs you by the balls and refuses to let go. Akon's rap is also a surprising treat. "Come on closer with your umbrella, 'cause you're about to get rained on" is either the year's most romantic rhyme or a disturbing reference to watersports that I'll choose to ignore! Don't be put off by the demos that have been floating around the net since January. The finished version (below) is a massive improvement, lifting the original material to new heights. "Push Push" is released on the 6th of April. Fingers crossed Queen Kat finally has a hit on her hands. Oh and make sure you check out the pop pioneer's Myspace to hear the song in Spanish. I want it. Bad!

EDIT: I got in trouble for posting the final version. Here's the next best thing on Youtube!

The Return Of Soraya

Soraya is back! About a month ago I mentioned that Spain's Queen of pop had somehow found the time to collaborate with French DJ Antoine Clamaran on a new song despite her hectic schedule of nude photoshoots and Mónica Naranjo tribute shows. Well, Soy Soy's stunning anthem has finally hit the net and it's even more amazing than I expected! "Live Your Dreams" is a brilliant burst of Hi-NRG pop that cements the diva's status as Europe's greatest talent. Of all time. I have to admit that I usually prefer to hear Soraya sing in Spanish but her English has improved beyond recognition since 2007's "Dolce Vita". She sounds fabulous and Antoine's uplifting beats provide the perfect backdrop for her impressive pipes. My only gripe is the cover. Why is the toast of Extremadura posing like a crazy woman? And what the fuck is she wearing? Seriously, even Kate Ryan would draw the line at this shit! Oh well, you can't have everything. Unfortunately, there is no video as yet and knowing Soraya - there probably won't be one, so check out the song below. I predict that "Live Your Dreams" is going to be massive (in Gran Canaria)!

Kylie, Botox & Broccoli

New Weekly is my bible. Well, that and Famous because they once featured Heidi Montag on their best dressed list but I digress. The only thing that gets me out of bed on a Monday morning is the prospect of flipping through page after page of hard hitting journalism about fat celebrities, plastic surgery addicts and fame whores. Needless to say, I was particularly excited to see Dannii's older sister on the cover of last week's edition. Reading about Kylie's natural beauty is one of my favourite past times but nothing prepared me for this stunning exposé. Instead of pouring over pictures of my favourite singer's frozen forehead, I was mind raped by one of the most amusing works of fiction articles I've read in a long time. According to NW, the "once beautiful star" is frightening London with her "over-worked, Botoxed face" and is feeling "really old and tired". When not terrifying onlookers with her shocking appearance, the tragic figure apparently passes the time listening to her biological clock wind down. There's also the obligatory opinion from an expert plastic surgeon and some dubious quotes from a "friend of the pop star" (my guess is Jazzi P).

The main article is amazing but the hour by hour breakdown of Kylie's average day (above) is the real Pulitzer Prize winning material. Her daily routine allegedly begins with exhausting neck and face exercises. After that ordeal is over, she pops down to the local clinic to get Botox and Collagen injections. The poor bitch must buy the cheap stuff that wears off overnight! Next up is a trip to the recording studio, followed by a three hour dance workout. Is it even possible to do robotic hand movements for that long? That's actually the least of her problems. According to New Weekly, Kylie's average lunch - and dinner - is a bowl of raw broccoli! Yes, apparently our national treasure survives on two serves of uncooked roughage a day! Maybe she could try wrapping the florets in a tasty lettuce leaf for that extra burst of flavour. I'm a firm believer that the truth is overrated but this is too much. Who is going to be held responsible when Dannii catches wind of this article and desperately follows Kylie's "routine" until she faints or turns green? I'm outraged! On a happier note, here is a pic (below) of Kylie in the studio... well, her feet at least. With demos being passed around the music industry - to rave reviews, no less - I think it's only a matter of time until we hear our first taste of XI. I can't wait!

Ke$ha - The Live Experience

Forgive me Ke$ha for I have sinned. Until tonight's free concert at Fox Studios, I couldn't decided if you were the second coming of Kylie or just a sleazy skank with beer breath and a couple of semi-catchy tunes. I'm ashamed to admit that I even had the audacity to award your seminal pop masterpiece "Animal" a measly 7/10 in a recent review. However, I've seen the light and finally comprehend the full extent of your greatness. When you hit the stage looking like a drag queen crossed with a racing car driver, I was struck by your luminescent beauty and magnetic charisma. Even your double chin and camel toe were utterly alluring. The thing is, you radiate a warmth and sincerity that completely took me by surprise. I expected the brat from your iconic videos but you came across as the (admittedly slutty) girl next door performing karaoke after downing one too many Bacardi Breezers. And I say that with love. There was no pretence about the show whatsoever. You seemed genuinely thrilled to be there and gave 110% back to the fans.

Opening with "Backstabber" was a bold move that paid off. As was launching into the searing social commentary otherwise known as "Party At A Rich Dude's House". I now realise how amazing that song is and will never doubt your lyrical genius again. The unexpected highlight of the show was "Dinosaur". Your stunning choreography (clapping your hands and bumping into your guitarist) made Lady Gaga look like Bobo the clown, while your powerhouse vocals were pitch perfect. You then worked a miracle by making "Blah Blah Blah" bearable and closed the set in fine style by dragging out "Tik Tok". It was difficult to hear you over the army of 15 year old girls singing along but what I could make out was heavenly. Coming over to hug and greet your fans - I feel deeply honoured to have touched the rat's nest doubling as your hair - was a nice touch and no one in the audience will ever forget being sprayed by your glitter gun. I imagine it's the closest I'll ever get to a Bukkake session with Jesus. Anyhoo, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for questioning you in the past. You are the Bob Dylan of our generation and will go down in history as one of music's greatest storytellers. Now please release "Stephen" or "Kiss N Tell" as your next single and hurry back to Australia with a full concert tour to bring your magic to the masses.

Much love,

Mike

X

Introducing Kyrah

Watch out, pop fans. The first Ke$ha clone has officially arrived and she's packing one of 2010's catchiest anthems! That might sound like a backhanded compliment but there's no denying the similarities between Kyrah's debut single and everything pop music's favourite skank has ever recorded. And there's nothing wrong with that. "Tik Tok" wouldn't have worked without "Just Dance", just as that song owes a large debt to Rihanna's "Dont Stop The Music, which she, in turn, stole from Kat Deluna and so on and so forth all the way back to 1980 when La Toya did everything first. Fact! Anyway, back to Kyrah. To be honest, she's a bit of mystery woman. All I know is that she was born in the UK, raised in the US and has a batch of quirky pop songs streaming on her Myspace. Strangely enough, they're all very different to "Uh Oh". Her older material has a slightly gothic rock edge ("Darker Side" and "Angels In Pain"), while her debut is pure electro-dance. It's definitely a step in the right direction. If you overlook the Ke$ha comparisons, there is so much to love about this fierce party jam. "Uh Oh" has a killer chorus, great production and some of the year's classiest lyrics. I'm also slightly obsessed with the male backing vocalist who says "listen, Kyrah" like a drag queen on heat. And let's face it, any song that opens with "wake up wasted and it's oops I'm naked" was always going to end up on Pop Trash Addicts! I really think this girl can go a long way if she finds her own niche. She's gorgeous, knows how to write a catchy tune and has a great voice. Check out Kyrah's high brow exploration of social mores below. Give it a couple of listens. It's a massive grower.