Pop Panel - Week 10 - Kylie Special

I thought I'd try something different with Pop Panel this week. Instead of rating a bunch of random tunes, I roped in a bunch of bloggers and even a celebrity guest to judge Kylie's best #1 Australian hit. Oh and I threw in "All The Lovers" for shits and giggles! I know it's been Kylie overload around here lately but I'm beyond obsessed with "Aphrodite" and really don't feel like listening to anything else. So bad luck. The winner isn't that much of a surprise given its lofty status among fans but I am surprised by the second and third place getters. You can blame the following bloggers:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
The Prophet (Aus) writer of The Prophet

Also helping out this week are:

Jump (US) - Kylie connoisseur, hot piece and writer of a million different blogs that lasted two days before shutting down.
Justin (US) - writer of my favourite Kylie blog Trip The Switch
Mobius (Austria) - SAW's #1 fan and writer of the fabulous Mobius News
Peibols (Spain) - Huesca's biggest prostitute and legendary blogger

I also asked the lovely Chris Sorbello to take part and she happily obliged. Chris is currently working on the follow up to her top 40 hit "So Lonely". The video for the new and improved "Dangerzone" is being filmed next week and the song goes to radio in late July. If that's not exciting enough she's heading over to LA to write with RedOne and Kevin Rudolph in September! Now, here's what she had to say about Kylie:

"Kylie has always been with me. From hairbrush singing as a little girl, to nights out on the town, I feel like Kyles and I have done a lot together. I love her style and I think she's a visionary most of the time. One of my all time favourite artists most definitely."

As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest. Oh and you might be wondering why Pop Panel is so early this week. I'm flying to Germany tomorrow but I'll be back in a couple of weeks. Until then!

Locomotion (Video)

Kylie's debut was #1 for 7 weeks in 1987, eventually becoming the highest selling Australian single of the 80s.

Chris Sorbello: Ok, I used to annoy my family singing this tune constantly when I was 4. All time Kylie favourite.... I'm rating it top notch for the memories alone. 5/5
D'Luv: Oh, Kylie. As an American fan, I have such a bittersweet relationship with this song. On one hand, I have many fond memories of being 14 and 15 and “doing the Loco-motion” at school dances to it. Alas, until “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head,” this was her only major hit here. Kylie’s tragic U.S. shame. All in all, kind of shit, really. 1.5/5
Jump: Thinking about the "the loco-motion" is sorta like discovering your parents have sex for the first time. You know it happened, you just prefer not to think about it. But parental sex is what brought all of us into the world and so "the loco-motion" brought us Kylie Minogue. The song is still painful to endure and no matter how she tries to change it up live "the loco-motion" is a guaranteed concert bathroom break. 1/5
Justin: Not a huge fan of the track but where would Kylie have been without it? In has-been soap star heaven more like. 3/5
Mike: Someone needs to tell The Prophet that this is a cover of a song originally released in 1962! As for Kylie's version, it was absolutely unavoidable in this country. I think we were even forced to do aerobics to it our school assembly. LOL! Pre-SAW is a constant source of fascination to me and I think the original is vastly superior to the hit factory produced turd that was unleashed upon the world in 1988. 5/5
Mobius: Kylie mania started for me in early 1988, so the original "Loco-Motion" single totally passed me by. I really like the original, raw Mike Duffy production on this one, though. The video is really cute. Also note the rather obvious product placement for hairspray. 4/5
Paul: Oh god, nostalgia rush! I remember using all my pocket money to import the 7" of this from Esprit records in August of 1987 because I was so obsessed with Neighbours! S/A/W jollied it up a tiny bit but it in essence was a darling introduction to a dazzling career. And although other songs would surpass it's sparkly shine, it's tinny cheapness still holds a place in my heart. All aboard!! 3.5/5
Peibols: And the story starts like this. At least in OZ. I think it's her very first classic. And naming her little sister makes the song an anthem. 3/5
The Prophet: This song is so fucking irritating. It's just a shitty version of Dead or Alive "You Spin Me Round". 1/5
Total: 26.5/45

2 Hearts (Video)

Became Kylie's 10th #1 Australian single in late 2007.

Chris Sorbello: In my opinion, Kylie X was one of her greatest albums. This song was a nice intro but I was hoping a lot of the others would've made more successful singles. 4/5
D'Luv: Oh, god — this went to #1 in Australia? You people are worse than Japan. A gamble of a lead single off of what was ultimately a disjointed album (though “X” is flawed in a fabulous way, rather than a tragic one—and I still play it at least a couple times a month). "2 Hearts" is okay, but really set the mood for fans to expect bigger and better from Kylie with future material. 2.5/5
Jump: Mike, I hate you for making me listen to this song. This is Kylie's most divisive song and with good reason. Kylie wanted to do something different but instead did something shit. I don't hate "2 Hearts" I just don't think it should have been a single. Or on an album. Or even recorded. Maybe it could have been a b-side. I'm stunned this got to #1. 2/5
Justin: Enjoyed it when it came out and think it's even better live! Too bad it was another misleading single and didn't seem to be what people wanted from Kylie! 3/5
Mike: The video all kinds of wrong. Kylie looks a 100 year old pre-op tranny at a lesbian karaoke night in Bankstown. Whatever. I love the song and applaud her for taking risks. I just wish she wouldn't save the adventurous stuff for 4th or 5th singles when it really doesn't matter anymore. 4/5
Mobius: The big return single that wasn't. She forgot the lyrics at a concert in Stuttgart (Germany). It was the funniest thing that ever happened on a Kylie concert. Usually it's all planned from the first second, but she really smiled as if to say, it's OK, I don't have to be perfect anymore. 3/5
Paul: And the debate over whether this should have been the first single from X will rage on forever. I personally would have gone with a double AA side of "White Diamond" (ballad) and "The One (Freemasons Radio Mix)", but what do I know... Actually, this didn't deserve the backlash it got. I do love the video and really like the chorus. Plus Kish Mauve would more than redeem any lingering distaste a few years later... 3/5
Peibols: Erm... "2 Hearts" is this song that you have to like it, cos it's good, but still, something fails. The thing is that Kish Mauve's version was THE SAME, and then you hear not a single change in the song and it's like "you lazy cow!!!". I must say than during the X2008, you sing-a-long and it's a good song for shaking your shoulders and being the queen of the street. But still... needs more arrangements. 3/5
The Prophet: This song is so great. Nobody (including me) thought that she'd come out with something like this. It was kind of shocking. The video is a hot mess though. 4/5
Total: 28.5/45

Spinning Around (Video)

With "Spinning Around", Kylie joined Madonna and U2 as one of only three acts to have #1 hits in the 80s, 90s and 00s.

Chris Sorbello: The butt song. Enough said. 3/5
D'Luv: Ironic I say screw Paula Abdul with regards to “Confide In Me,” as she co-wrote Kylie’s next Aussie #1. This never immediately grabbed me the way it did for some, though I can see why the pop childryn were excited for her return to hot-pants beats. It’s okay. 3/5
Jump: I'm a bit apathetic about "Spinning around". I like it but it's not a track that I purposely listen to on my ipod. After the "downer" that was "impossible princess" I imagine just about any fun track Kylie put out would have been welcomed with open arms. 3/5
Justin: Kylie's first number one in the new millennium and her return to the dancefloor. I'd probably have my Kylie fan card removed if I didn't love this camp pop comeback! 4/5
Mike: One of the world's greatest mysteries is how the lowlight of "Light Years" re-ignited Kylie's career. 1/5
Mobius: The end of Indie Kylie. She did some interviews back then on German TV and I even got to ask her on live TV whether she would record something with Stock & Aitken again. She blushed and gave one of her diplomatic answers. 3/5
Paul: And another glorious era of Kylie begins. Everything about this was correct - the hot pants, the nod to disco, the supreme catchiness, the S/A/W influences totally updated, the dodgy Paula Abdul link. It just all worked. It was not only a pop masterpiece but a carefully penned love letter to her fans reminding that Kylie will always sparkle like the brightest diamond. 4/5
Peibols: If it hasn't been said yet about this song, then maybe it doesn't need to be said. I mean, it's pure pop perfection. It's catchy, it has a message, a true story of Kylie through the sorrow of her other companies and then BAM she's there. All ways I listen to this song walking down the street I want to turn around on my high heels, like her at the beginning of the video. 5/5
The Prophet: This song is so fun, but I think her butt is overrated and people made it out to be something that it's not. 3/5
Total: 29/45

In Your Eyes (Video)

The first #1 hit that Kylie co-wrote.

Chris Sorbello: It simply makes me want to dance and that makes me happy! 4/5
D'Luv: Brilliant slice of dance-pop, and far better than “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” in my book (though it’s no “Love At First Sight.”). This period really was the Second Coming Of Kylie, no? 4/5
Jump: I actually sometimes forget and call this song "Spinning Around"! Its easily my fave Kylie video and the references to blatant pick me ups ("wanna make it with you") and post club night drinking ("is the world still spinning round") are like personal anthems. 3/5
Justin: I will forever worship at the feet of Richard "Biff" Stannard for this fantastic pop gem! If only "Fever" had more songs on it like this one! 5/5
Mike: I'm still bitter that "Love At First Sight" was passed over for second single in favour of this rubbish. 2/5
Mobius: I have a lovely Australian DVD single of this. Other than that no special memories. 2/5
Paul: Loved this. Ghetto fabulous video. Hideous yet desirable knuckle duster ring. Slightly r'n'b-esque refrain. Swirling electro pop masterpiece. Ended up loving this more that CGYOOMH. 4.5/5
Peibols: The thing I more like about this song is the backing vocals. The vocodered ones at the end. I'm totally in love with them. Seriously. The song is one of the best from "Fever". 4/5
The Prophet: I always thought this song was so sad and depressing. 4.5/5
Total: 29/40

On A Night Like This (Video)

Another #1 smash for Kylie in 2000.

Chris Sorbello: I like the song but I don't know, it's not my favourite. Maybe I've heard it too much? Radio homicide! 2/5
D'Luv: Sleek, addictive and fucking sexy as hell — i.e. everything a Kylie Minogue single should be. Metro were at their peak here, and at times like this you worry that hot producers will overshadow the artists they’re working with. Luckily, “On A Night Like This” has all the hallmarks of a Mark Taylor/Graham Stack production while remaining distinctively Kylie. And let’s not to forget the video offered Rutger Hauer the role of a lifetime! (“What you find difficult, I find simple.”) 5/5
Jump: Listening to this I have to wonder what the hell happened to METRO? Did they get put in a nursing home with some of their geriatric clients? Three pop divas recorded this track but for me Kylie's version is the definitive version if for no other reason than Pandora's version sounds like a man singing and Anna Vissi's versions like a woman singing. Think about that for a minute. 4/5
Justin: Never been a huge fan of the track but it's nice enough I guess. Think I'm just tired of seeing it pop up on tour after tour instead of performing something else! 2.5/5
Mike: This will always be synonymous with the Sydney Olympics for me. Kylie's stunning performance - surrounded by a sea of drag queens - at the world's largest sporting event was as fabulous as it was surreal. One of my all time favourite Kylie anthems. 5/5
Mobius: She nicked this one from Pandora and Anna Vissi. Fantastic METRO production and surprisingly energetic when played live. Always gets the crowd going. 4/5
Paul: Oddly one of my least favourite Kylie songs. But it's all relative. The least favourite Kylie is still often much better than most of the other tat out there. I've become more tolerant to it over time, but i still occasionally skip it on my many listens of Light Years... 3/5
Peibols: This is not one of my favourites singles from Light Years, I must say. Maybe cos I'm so used to 'Spanish guitars' in Spanish music. And I hate Spanish music. 2/5
The Prophet: My girlfriends in high school used to love Kylie when this song came out, so I'd tease them and say that Kylie was a dirty slut seducing those old men in the video, then we'd argue over it for ages. I used to think that she was such a whore who only had hit songs because she was naked in all the videos. I love it now though. 4/5
Total: 31.5/45

Got To Be Certain (below)

Minogue's 3rd single became the first to ever debut at #1 in Australia in 1988.

Chris Sorbello: I like this one a little less, but I do think she looks tres cute in those leggings! 2/5
D'Luv: I actually never heard this until 1995, when I found a used copy of Kylie’s first CD for $4 at the record store on my university campus. So while America’s youth were listening to relevant artists like R.E.M., Oasis and Coolio, I was blasting “I’ve got to be—clap, clap, clap!!—got to be cer-tain!” on my bright yellow walkman. That faux horn section in the middle eight always made me think of the Mexican Riviera for some reason. Another Stock Aitken Waterman triumph—clap, clap, clap! 4/5
Jump: Typical Stock Aitken Waterman song made mega hit off the back of Charlene's popularity. The hand claps are genius though and to be honest after hearing Mandy Smith's lazy hooker on percocet version Kylie brings something special to an otherwise pedestrian effort. Do you think Kylie at this stage of her music career thought music would replace acting as her main focus? 3.5/5
Justin: Used to hate it when I first got into Kylie but now it's the one track I'm gagging for her to break out on tour! 4/5
Mike: Can I please be as drunk as Peibols? Anyway, I LOVE this! Probably the best track on "Kylie" after "Turn It Into Love" and "Look My Way". And the video is stunning. I remember being so jealous when my sister got a pair of those chunky shoes. Bitch. 5/5
Mobius: Kylie's vocals have been a bit "enhanced" after rumours came up that Rick Astley had sung ISBSL instead of Kylie. At least 3 videos had been made for this, one of them I only saw almost 20 years after it had been shot. Mandy Smith must have been so pissed of when this got to the top of the Charts. Poor thing. 5/5
Paul: I'm ashamed to say that I was actually really upset when this didn't make number one in the UK and had a day off school with grief. What a dramatic little child I was!! Not quite matching the giddy thrills of the previous two for me, but I was Kylie and I wanted it. 3/5
Peibols: I totally love the beginning of the video with Kylie Ann on the stupidest photoshoot EVER! The lyrics keep with the "Kylie moment". The classic boy that are only looking for just one thing... your anus! F*cking tops! They never want me for my love or my brain. 3/5
The Prophet: God, all these songs sounds the same. I like the chorus though. 3/5
Total: 32.5/45

Slow (Video)

2003 saw yet another #1 hit for Kylie.

Chris Sorbello: Ok, this competes for my favourite Kylie song of all time with 'Confide In Me'. I think she looks beautiful in this clip and I really like the choreography too. 5/5
D'Luv: A #91 American smash for Kylie! I was in London the week “Body Language” was released and then in the Canary Island the following week, where “Slow” was on heavy rotation in the video bars at the Yumbo Center. This has never been my favorite lead single by the elder Minogue, and it really hasn’t stood the test of time, either, for me. I’m going back to play “Got To Be Certain” again. 2.5/5
Jump: I must confess when i first heard "slow" I kept waiting for the chorus right up til the song ended. I didn't like it and thought girlfriend forgot the melody. I now think this is the slinkiest, sexiest song Kylie has ever released. Shame bout that video though. 5/5
Justin: Is one of my favorite lead Kylie singles but it started the mini trend of misleading singles! 5/5
Mike: Recreating the video on the half empty dancefloor of Townsville's only gay nightclub remains my most embarrassing moment. 5/5
Mobius: Great performance in the Showgirl show, other than that the Body Language era wasn't my cuppa. 1/5
Paul: Delightfully minimalistic pulsating down and dirty pop thumper that reeled you in before you even knew it. Got better with each listen. 4/5
Peibols: I remember not liking it when it was release. It was kinda leet-down. But then... the grower! It's totally hypnotic. It's sexy. You could have sex with it on reply. A slow, licked, sweaty, night of sex on a rooftop. And only cuming at dawn. 4/5
The Prophet: One of my absolute fave Kylie songs from my fave album of hers, Body Language. 5/5
Total: 36.5/45

Can't Get You Out Of My Head (Video)

This spent 4 weeks at #1 in 2001 and became the third highest selling single of the year.

Chris Sorbello: The thing I love most about this song is the song writing. It has no structure and is just hook after hook. Absolute genius. 5/5
D'Luv: These were broke times, but "Fever" got me through. I actually waited in line for tickets to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” at 6 a.m. to see Kylie perform this in what was her American TV debut of the song. In and of itself, not my favorite single from The Singing Budgie, but it was nice to watch her finally score a second Top 10 hit in the States after 14 years. 3.5/5
Jump: This song exudes cool and truly deserves the love heaped on it although I'm embarrassed that it was used in American furniture company Rooms-To-Go commercials. Kylie got it really right from song to video to clothing with this release. 5/5
Justin: One of the definitive pop tunes of the new millenium and this paved the way for the electro pop explosion. Call me deluded but you know it's true bitches! 5/5
Mike: Bitches, please. Stop trying to be alternative by hating on Kylie's best selling single. We all know you love it as much as the rest of us. 5/5
Mobius: I predicted this to be a flop. How wrong could I have been. I'm glad she had international success with this one, but I still feel this is a rather cold and repetitive song. La la la. The lowest common denominator. 3/5
Paul: Just a stroke of genius really. Luckily some time has passed as it just saturated the airwaves at the time and was in danger of overplay. Still remains a brilliant slice of forward thinking pop with an infernally catchy refrain, brilliant costuming (years ahead of G'Gah) and worldwide dominating bassline. 4.5/5
Peibols: One of my more hated songs. Everytime you asked for Kylie in a bar, they played this. Why? She has more brilliant moments than this crap! The Blue Monday bootleg, I can swallow. The Greg Kurstin remix, it's ok. But Kylie, please, stop perfoming this! You have more better hits! 2/5
The Prophet: Flawless pop perfection. 5/5
Total: 38/45

All The Lovers (Video)

Stalled at a stunning #14. Oh well.

Chris Sorbello: I want to love it! I really do! But, I feel very nothingy about it. I'm sorry Kylie. 2/5
D'Luv: Beautiful song that reminds me of her “Ultimate Kylie” greatest hits single “I Believe In You” in some ways. When placed next to the rest of “Aphrodite,” it’s certainly not the best song from the LP. But it sure makes a hell of an appetizer before the main course. 4.5/5
Jump: Love this track and even warmed up to the video. Time will tell if this is one of those songs you play a lot for a period of time and then forget or if it will become a classic you listen to regularly. For now I love though it's always close by, like a bottle of vodka. 5/5
Justin: Confused by the success of "All The Lovers", it's doing good in Europe but #14 in Australia? Come on this is her best single since IBIY people! I think the album will do well regardless of this Oz flop! 5/5
Mike: The song that everybody loves but nobody bought. Amazing! 5/5
Mobius: It's doing well over here. Great performance on Germany's Next Top Mmodel. A welcome return to Dance Kylie. Can't wait for "Get Outta My Way" to be released. 4/5
Paul: Is there something that bloggers adore about this that the rest of the world is missing? I just don't get why it failed to go top ten in Australia and wasn't a number one smash here. one of the most glorious, decadant, positive, uplifting, romantic Kylie songs ever and up there with my top 3 Kylie numbers (none of which are on this list!) I was on the tube the other day and this came on just as two gay lads started canoodling. It was the perfect real life video. 5/5
Peibols: Well, in Spain it seems to be on #35. So shut up. I thought it was a good first single. But then, I listened to the album. And it is NOT a good single. Maybe "Aphrodite" would have been some kind of "Spinning Around". The lyrics and stuff. But "All The Lovers", apart from being great and catchy and so walk-able, it's a grower. So you need people to listen to it a lot of times. And if you're not a fan, then you don't listen to it. 4/5
The Prophet: Flop of the year! 4.5/5
Total: 39/45

I Should Be So Lucky (Video)

Kylie's second single also rocketed to #1 and became the highest selling single of 1988.

Chris Sorbello: Kylie was pop queen here. I can get over the Charlene hair if you can? 5/5
D'Luv: A #28 smash in America! I will love this song till the day I’m toe-up in a cornfield somewhere. SAW at their classiest, with lyrics that were faxed back and forth between Mike Stock and Pete Waterman over the course of ten minutes while Kylie and her manager sat in the waiting room at PWL. Hot! This penultimate unrequited-love Hi-NRG jam never gets old for me. 5/5
Jump: Which gay man hasn't had at some point these same thoughts for some straight guy crush? This song is SAW at their finest with its stuttering "I-I-I-Is" and chugging rhythms- truly a classic. While the song itself sounds a bit dated the "Lucky, lucky lucky" part is still utterly addictive and even more so when one hears it sung by Japanese schoolgirls - "rucky, rucky rucky!" Where is Ami Suzuki when you need her? 5/5
Justin: Good little pop track and it's still great to hear her performing the original version live. 3/5
Mike: Not my favourite SAW production by a long shot but it's a burst of nostalgia that I just can't bring myself to dislike. And only Kylie could flash a sneaky nipple in a video and still look like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. 4/5
Mobius: A fast drum intro, a hi-NRG bass and a few I-I-I-I samples and I was hooked. The 12" versions of this are rather good, even to this day. ISBSL has been performed in many versions. Some good, some bad. It's always a crowd pleaser if played in its original version at every Kylie concert I've ever been to. 5/5
Paul: The Kylie obsession continued. Some mean girls once passed me a note in class saying "homo paul - why don't you fuck off to australia if you love Kylie and her shit music so much". It was one of the biggest compliments I have ever received! Who cares if it was written on toilet paper while Pete Waterman was taking a shit? The repetitive refrain was hypnotic and perfect bubblegum pop at the time 3.5/5
Peibols: The begining of the "Kylie moments" as Pop Justice would say. I think the lyrics are brilliant and the rhythm. It's also danceable, and sad, happy, and naive, but "been there done that". Too many things in 3 minutes. 5/5
The Prophet: I love this song. It's so cute. 4/5
Total: 39.5/45

Kylie's Best #1 Australian Hit

Confide In Me (below)

Five weeks at #1 and the highest selling Australian single of 1994.

Chris Sorbello: Possibly one of my favourite Kylie songs of all time. I love the lyrics and I love the mood. I love, love, love this clip! 5/5
D'Luv: This flashes me back to the same record store (Vibes) mentioned in “Got To Be Certain.” It was my first semester at university, and the CD single had just been released in the U.S. on the Imago label. They had it in stock, and I kick myself to this day for never buying it, because I think only 1,000 copies had been pressed before the label went under. Anyway, love this song, and fuck Paula Abdul for ripping it off a year later with “My Love Is For Real.” 4/5
Jump: Kylie's first non PWL single release is completely gorgeous and very surprising after a string of chirpy europop hits. "Confide" is a such a great track because it still sounds as fresh today as it did 1994. Pop Diva's all wish they had one jam as good as this in their back catalog that ages like a fine wine and has appeal beyond the teen scene (i'm looking at you Miley). 4/5
Justin: Haunting and mysterious is the words I would use to describe it. Gave me goosebumps when I first heard it. Fabulous lead single from an even more fabulous album, I even like the french version! 5/5
Mike: I remember being so excited about KM94 after hearing "Confide In Me" for the first time. Talk about false advertising! 4/5
Mobius: The beginning of Indie Kylie. I didn't get the song at first, but the video is something special. Great idea. 4/5
Paul: Firstly, I can't believe that better the devil you know (aka the greatest Kylie song ever) didn't make number one in Oz (or UK as it happens!) Oh well. I remember being all nervous about this comeback but it was a lovely orchestral dance number that grew and grew in it's magnificence and showed that she really could break the mould and be spectacular. Yes, it sounds a bit like Opus 3 "It's A Fine Day" but that's neither here nor there. Still glorious today. 4.5/5
Peibols: I love Kylie being this 'I don't care about pop rules'. I mean, she is into pop and releases a more than 5 minutes song. And still, #1. Amazeballs. I think it's a real diamond from the DeConstruction era. 5/5
The Prophet: This is one of my faves. I was like 7 years old or something when this first came out, and I used to watch it all the time on Rage. Kylie was one of the first artists that I loved as a little kid and I'll always remember this song for getting me into her. 5/5
Total: 40.5/45