Pop Panel 3 - Week 7

Pop Panel is back for another week after a brief hiatus and it's one of the strangest installments yet. I don't think I've ever seen so many songs get full marks or zeros. This is the ultimate love it or hate it week! The winner is also a major surprise. I'm happy it won but I think the second and third place getters are considerably better. I was tempted to re-vote to rig the outcome but I'm not quite that desperate. We also have a fabulous celebrity guest helping out this week but more about her later. Here are the bitches responsible for this week's outcome:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

David Lim (Aus) writer of the fabulous Feed Limmy and a budding pop star in his own right. Check out this fabulous demo. I want more!

and

Australian rock chick turned electro-pop sensation Sarah McLeod. Everyone over the age of 25 will remember Sarah as the sexy frontwoman of iconic rock band The Superjesus. Since then she's turned her hand to dance music with major success. "He Doesn't Love You" was absolutely massive in the clubs, my favourite "White Horse" charted internationally and her amazing 2010 comeback song "Double R" is currently being given major support by Tiesto on his world tour. When she's not setting dancefloors on fire, Sarah is helping keep homeless kids off the street. All the proceeds of her latest single - a stunning cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark" - are going to a homeless charity, so pull your finger out and download it from iTunes. Check out the song and video below:

As usual the songs are rated for lowest to highest.

Millionaires - Party Like A Millionaire (Video)

American girlband/online sensation sing about... their pussies.

David: My middle finger's totally up in the air. Slags, I think we just stumbled on a new choon to strut our asses to. My pussay's totally doing the krump like you won't believe. 3/5
D'Luv: I liked "Stay The Night", but this is WAY too desperate. These whores need to shut the fuck up and get back to the nightshift at McDonald's. 0/5
Mike: Gross. Ke$ha has her moments but the new Queen of pop's tongue is always firmly in cheek while "Party Like A Millionaire" sounds like a 'how to' manual written by Paris Hilton. If she came from Bankstown. 0/5
Robpop: So this is what happened to Daphne & Celeste. Utterly shit. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: Man I thought Ke$ha was bad, this hitz a new low, great role models those ladies... Mike, you're diluting my precious antique ears. 0/5
The Prophet: Millionaires are so defining and I can't believe I missed that they had a new single out! It's not quite as excellent as their Madonna rip off "Stay the Night" but the disgusting video makes up for it! 5/5
Total: 8/30

Kat DeLuna - Party O'Clock (Video)

RedOne produced Kat's latest stunning Belgium only release.

David: I've grown old waiting for this video to drop but now that I've seen Kat's bebeh face pouting and gyrating, I don't think I want this no more. Why is she still looking like a child with grown chichis? What's with the Belgium-only release? The world needs to get in on this. 4/5
D'Luv: I remember reading an interview with RedOne last year where he said he's only producing material for people who sell records going forward. He must have either been high on K or he's tapping Kat Deluna's already cluttered ass. Not an awful song, but too bad someone with a bit more class like Smokahontas Jones isn't singing it. 2.5/5
Mike: I'm a loud and proud Kat DeLuna stan. "Push Push" is easily one of the best songs of 2010 - but this is ten kinds of tragic from the lame lyrics to embarrassing video. Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous. 2/5
Robpop: Torrents of epic lameness. This kind of music is starting to sound so similar now. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: I hate this song and now its stuck in my head, it’s fuckin' awful. Thanx Mike. 1/5
The Prophet: Kat is the Queen of europop and I've been whoring "Party O'Clock" since the demo first leaked. Kat DeLuna is like crack to me - I just can't get enough! 5/5
Total: 14.5/30

Johnny McGovern & Calpernia - Likin' Big Dicks (Video)

A cover of "Like A G6".

David: I cannot wait to pump this as I cruise through the straight club districts. You know them closet hungry bottoms can't help but respond to this. 5/5
D'Luv: These two are still alive? 0/5
Mike: This song is so redundant. It goes without saying that we all like monster cocks but they're not exactly in short supply. It's much harder to find something worthwhile attached to the end of the penis. 2/5
Robpop: This needs a big douche as too full of shit to function. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: It's like Right Said Fred for the new millinium, love it! 5/5
The Prophet: Finally somebody is making music I can relate to. I'm so proud to be a size queen... *sheds tear*. 5/5
Total: 17/30

Natalia Kills - Mirrors (Above)

Natalia has been dubbed the new Lady Gaga. Produced by Akon.

David: I can't wait for this vixen to step out of that "Gaga wannabe" tag so I can get a proper assessment of her style. Dark, menacing and promising - Imma keep this tab open and check back for the next video. 4/5
D'Luv: Wake me up when Lolene Ferreira Kills happens. 2/5
Mike: Natalia is fierce. I love her attitude and mini-movies but she's asking for trouble by releasing "Mirrors" as her debut. It's very similar to "Just Dance" - only without the amazing lyrics about being too drug fucked to find your keys and phone. I'm excited about her album. 3.5/5
Robpop: Synthetic shit that thinks its amazingly hip but so devoid of soul that it emerges as a massive blackhole of creativity. These songs all sound exactly the same now. Stop trying to sound like knock-off Rihanna/GaGa's and get your own sound girls. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: Lady GaGa’s running real low on inspiration these dayz... Oh wait, it's not Lady GaGa... ERROR. I hate seeing the wave of imposters in the wake of someone else’s success. It blows. Having said that if there was no Lady GaGa it wouldn’t be too bad. 3/5
The Prophet: Shits on Tranny GaGa's "Just Flop", but it probably won't become a hit because Natalia has too much class to suck Jimmy Iovine and Akon's cocks like GaGa did to get in the charts! 5/5
Total: 17.5/30

September - Resuscitate Me (Video)

Swedish pop diva returns with new single.

David: Aww. Who's upset our Swedish dance goddess? Because I'm not recognising this raccoon leaking all over the track. True talk: I love me some dance ballads but this sounds painfully dated. It's probably not her schtick but September could use with some avant garde remixers to light up this track. 2/5
D'Luv: This is alright. September has done better. But, hey — maybe with that haircut people will mistake her for Robyn and actually buy this song? 2/5
Mike: LOL at D'Luv insinuating that Robyn actually has hits. But I digress. I worship Petra and "Resuscitate Me" is the cutest thing she's put her name to since "Because I Love You". Everything about this light and fluffy Euro-pop gem pushes my buttons from the unashamedly romantic lyrics to the insidiously catchy chorus. Now how do I get me some of that love CPR? 5/5
Robpop: What do you have if you put Robyn and Booty Luv: you get this rebranded and new look September. And I fucking love it. Really needs a key change and then it would soar into the pop stratosphere. 5/5
Sarah McLeod: “I NEED LOVE CPR”??????????? Is she serious, that’s AWESOME! Ha ha ha ha! 1/5
The Prophet: September just snatch Cuntcada's wig! 5/5
Total: 20/30

Hurts - All I Want For Christmas Is New Year's Day (Video)

Uk electro band unveil the year's most depressing holiday anthem.

David: And the room falls silent. Yo, Mike, what's with the hard-on killer? In light of Mimi's depressingly saccharine Christmas album, this might just be my much-sought after antidote. 3/5
D'Luv: Wow — we actually get one scrap of class this week? Thanks! I like Hurts, though their dour schtick is wearing pretty thin at this point. Still, this perfectly sums up how effing depressing the holidays truly tend be if you're over the age of 10. 5/5
Mike: Finally a song that captures the pure misery of Christmas. Until now I had dismissed Hurts as a Pet Shop Boys tribute act but this might just convert me. 5/5
Robpop: And breathe. Finally an act and song that dares to include a melody, real vocals and interesting narrative. I love this. 4.5/5
Sarah McLeod: Wow I LOVED this band when I heard "Better Than Love" but this song is L.A.M.E, most christmas songs are though... unless they’re carols, in which case they’re RAD! 3/5
The Prophet: The only Christmas songs worth playing are Vanessa Hudgen's "Winter Wonderland" and Fiona Apple's Frosty the Snowman. All else = fail. The only thing that hurts about this Xmas tune are my fucking ears. 0/5
Total: 20.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Kara - Jumping (Video)

Forget 2NE1 and Girls Generation, South Korea's defining girlband is here.

David: This is totally satiating my Asian persuasion but I don't know, gurls. Them stakes are raised pretty high for K-pop girl bands right now and that choreography's definitely setting them back a bit. Why wasn't I called in to coach them on the booty bounce? 3/5
D'Luv: My favorite member of Kara is the one with the huge cock. 3/5
Mike: Oh look, it's the pretty and talented version of 2NE1! Utterly stunning! 5/5
Robpop: Nice but we've heard this all before. 0.5/5
Sarah McLeod: ASIAN JAILBAIT... I felt perverted watching this clip. 5/5
The Prophet: Mike is a cunt for ignoring my stunning K-Pop suggestions of 2NE1 and Orange Caramel in favor or KARAccident, but I'm stanning for K-Pop lately so they get full marks, even if the song itself is beneath the ones I suggested! 5/5
Total: 21.5/30