Hyna - Japan's shrinking violet

I feel like my blog has been a little too high brow lately with a flood of posts about classy divas like Beyoncé, Wynter Gordon and La Toya. It's time to get back to my trash roots and I can't think of a better way to do it than write about Japan's latest gift to music. With Ami Suzuki currently working the register at her local McDonalds, my interest in J Pop has waned. The manufactured girlbands annoy me and my prayers for a Seiko comeback remain unanswered. Happily, one stunning lady has stepped up to the plate and hit a home run for the land for the rising sun. Hyna is 22 years old and looks like she just walked off a porn shoot. That's literally all I know about her. Not that it matters. One look at her riveting debut video tells me all I need to know. The bleached blond icon-in-waiting spends most of the video strutting around in bondage wear Xtina rejected for "Not Myself Tonight" for being too tacky. She also manages to dance around with shirtless hotties and pose like a $10 hooker, while miming to the best Lady Gaga knock off I've heard in ages. In other words, Hyna is ten kinds of amazing and demands your complete attention. Thanks to Jacques for giving me the heads up!

The Undisputed Single Of The Year

It's all over, pop bitches. Please pack your bags and go home. Nicki French snatched your wig and is currently using it to stuff her doona for winter.

Listen here. You'll be stunned and amazed - like Dannii in "This Is It".

Read my lips - Melissa Tkautz is back!

I'm so overwhelmed with excitement I can hardly breath - let alone type - so I'll keep this short and sweet. Pop trash icon Melissa Tkautz is about to embark on yet another comeback! Feel free to fall to your knees and start praising Jesus! The former E Street actress turned era-defining pop icon is one of my all time faves. My very first post, way back in 2006, was devoted to her unparalleled fabulousness and she's been a regular on the blog ever since. So what is legendary sex symbol up to now? It appears she's lent her heavenly vocals to a new club anthem by Ministry of Sound DJ Nick Jay. The future #1 smash is called "Something About You" and has a subtle Latin flavour that will make it perfect for the summer months. Which makes the decision to drop a preview in the middle of Winter slightly perplexing but Melissa works in mysterious ways! Check out the amazing promo clip below. Bondi beach looks amazing and Melissa gets a stunning plug. Please let there be a saucy video clip featuring Ms Tkautz rolling around half naked in the sand and another amazing live performance on Sunrise.

Kristine Elezaj... Still On The Warpath!

In what has to be a record for the longest gap between the release of a single and the debut of a video clip, Kristine Elezaj's "Warpath" finally hits YouTube 7 months after the song first appeared on iTunes. I guess that means there's still hope for Adele to whip something up for "Someone Like You"! Speaking of classy, soulful vocalists - Krissy has been an obsession of mine for months. She first appeared on the blog in December and it was love at first listen. If you haven't heard "Warpath" yet, drop everything and click play. You really don't know what you've been missing.

Kristine's jam is pop trash at its finest. I love the catchy chorus, constantly quote the fabulous lyrics ("I saw that trick that you was with last night, she was Justin Bieber's look-a-like!") and ache for the faux Britney production. Emily Osment and her crack team of Brit Brit copyright infringers could never! So, that leaves one question. Was the clip worth the wait? The answer is a resounding yes. Sure, Krissy just stands around looking hot with a bit of choreography and an owl thrown in for good measure but it's adorable and will look amazing on the video jukebox in your local gay bar. All hail Queen Kristine!

Kim Kardashian's Stunning New Single

2011 has been a shocking year for pop music with massive disappointments from the likes of Britney Spears and Lady Gaga flooding the airwaves. Thankfully, one aspiring diva has succeeded where the big names have failed - by showcasing a raw, unbridled vocal talent that will leave your ears begging for more. Of course, I'm talking about reality TV mogul Kim Kardashian - who first came to fame by riding Ray J's huge dick on camera. While that remains her career highlight, "Jam (Turn It Up)" comes a close second. Kim's catchy club anthem is the handiwork of The-Dream and Tricky Stewart, who are best known for producing Beyoncé's iconic worldwide number one smash "Single Ladies". Unfortunately, even their reputation wasn't enough to insulate poor Kim from the haters, who have labelled "Jam (Turn It Up)" the worst song ever recorded. Do those CUNTS even have ears? Admittedly, singing isn't the diva's strong point but vocal giants like Heidi Montag and Paris Hilton only come along once or twice a generation. I find Kim's robotic, bored out of her mind voice hilarious. It's like she couldn't even be bothered trying in case it fucked with the Restylane in her lips! My favourite part is when she talks sings "I'm goin' to work like I'm payin' my bills, bii-lll-s". Was she even awake? The thing is - it doesn't matter. The production is great and the song is incredibly catchy. If Rihanna or Bey recorded this it would be huge. Let the haters hate. I have a new favourite pop diva. Bring on the album, Kimmy!

8/10

2011's First Great Song/Video

I thought I'd take a quick break from my belated (to the point of being ridiculous) end of year countdowns to post some amazing new music. 2011 hasn't got off to a great start with the airwaves being dominated by stinkers like Britney's "Hold It Against Me" and Ri-cycle's "S&M". Thankfully, one diva has arrived to inject some creativity and old fashioned glamour back into pop music! I had no idea who Naomi Elizabeth was until my friend Grant sent me a link to her clip but I'm convinced she's a beautiful angel sent from heaven to charm us with her glorious voice and intricate dance moves. The appropriately titled "God Sent Me Here To Rock You" is a deeply intellectual comment on the superficiality of modern culture - or the campest piece of pop trash churned out by a cocaine fuelled mind since Wendy Ho's "Poop Noodle". Either way - I love it! Naomi's toytastic lyrics ("I flew down on a cloud and sat my feet on the ground, I had a job to do - to rock every one of you!") are truly inspiring, as is the genuinely catchy chorus and none too shabby production. Particularly given the fact that it was recorded on the songbird's home computer. The film clip is even more alluring. Naomi is a vision of style and grace as she performs choreography straight out of Monifah's "Touch It" video, while rocking a series of demure outfits. Brace yourself for the spiritual experience that is "God Sent Me Here To Rock You" (below):