Dannii leaks

And no, I'm not referring to the legendary diva's battered, post-birth pelvic floor. Nafensays must have left his holy iPod lying around the gay sauna because an unreleased "Neon Nights" track from 2003 has found its way online. "Weak" has always been high on my wish list of Dannii demos due to the involvement of Henrik Korpi, who is responsible for some of the fertile Minogue's best songs including "Put The Needle On It", "Creep" and my fave track from the entire NN era - "For The Record". Unfortunately, "Weak" turns out to be an appropriate title and I'm glad it was given the chop. Not that it's a bad song but "Neon Nights" remains of the most perfect pop albums of all time and this would have tainted it with mediocrity.

Holidannii's latest leak, which I expect Nafensays to monetise any second now with a re-release of "Unleashed", is a fairly dark ballad. It shows a different side of the diva and her vocal is lovely but the production is very underdone (it's a demo, after all) and the track lacks the hook it needed to be great. Anyway, this is more Kylie's area of expertise. She can pull off the occasional darker moment but Dannii is too fabulous for misery and this doesn't quite cut it. Having said all that, I've listened to "Weak" 20 times on repeat and like it more with each listen. If nothing else, it reminds me how much I miss the former queen of clubs. Dannii, forget about reality TV and return to your true calling - music hasn't be the same without you!

Listen to "Weak" - HERE

Dannii - Cos You're Beautiful - Exclusive!

My devotion to the young and fertile Minogue sister still burns as bright as ever despite the shameful fact that I never got around to reviewing her latest musical masterpiece - "Cos You're Beautiful". In case you've been living under a rock or are just a delusional hater, Dannii debuted her next #1 club hit on the reality show Style Queen. Penned by X Factor's Ruth Lorenzo, the track sounds like a "Touch Me Like That" sized smash to my ears. I love the inspirational lyrics and the Queen of Clubs delivers a truly spine-tingling vocal. I was going to wait for a longer clip to leak before commenting on its obvious genius but I couldn't restrain myself after receiving an exclusive first peek at the stunning artwork from Kylie an anonymous source. The cover perfectly captures Dannii's rigorous beauty regime and low key approach to glamour. It's also good to see she hasn't been stingy with the remixes. The Sliced 'N' Diced Dub sounds amazing! Hopefully, there will also be a remix featuring Ruth's heavenly pipes because that hot Spanish bitch needs a break. She's still the best thing to emerge from X Factor and a collaboration with Dannii would be a surefire #1 smash. In Gran Canaria. If you haven't seen the clip yet, brace yourself for what could be the song of the year!

All The Lesbians

Vs

Dannii wins!

In a desperate bid to steal the spotlight away from her more popular sister, Kylie planted a kiss on the Scissor Sister's Ana Matronic at Glastonbury this weekend. I know it must be cold there in Dannii's shadow but this G rated re-enactment of Lezzigate is not the answer! The much younger Minogue's steamy lesbian adventure with stunning British stripper Janine Marshall is the thing of legend. I mean, who could ever forget this iconic headline?

While it must be hard for Kylie to accept Dannii's breathtaking TV $ucce$$ and unparalleled ability to re-release albums that no one bought in the first place, she can take heart in the fact that "Aphrodite" is an absolute fucking gem. I know I'm a bit late with my review but I find something new to love with each listen, so I just want to soak it up for a couple more days without analysing every beat, synth and lyric. In the meantime, watch Kylie get down and dirty with the Scissor Sisters. I love it. Time for another raw Intimate & Live type concert tour, I think!

Kylie's ORIGINAL Aphrodite Cover!

It's an honour to exclusively reveal the original cover of Kylie's "Aphrodite" album! As you can see this visual masterpiece is superior to the final version in every conceivable way. The Queen of pop looks amazing and her older sister scrubs up alright too. I love Kylie's sexy toga - such an improvement on that House of Dereon reject she ended up going with. Her demure pose is also suitably goddess-like and that cheeky grin is adorable. Then there's the stunning location and incredibly glamorous font. This triumph should be hanging in the Louvre instead of gathering dust in Dannii's it should have been me photo album on Facebook. The powers that be obviously decided it was too fabulous for public consumption and decided to go with something a little more frumpy and age appropriate. Shame. So tell me, which cover do you prefer?

Kylie, Botox & Broccoli

New Weekly is my bible. Well, that and Famous because they once featured Heidi Montag on their best dressed list but I digress. The only thing that gets me out of bed on a Monday morning is the prospect of flipping through page after page of hard hitting journalism about fat celebrities, plastic surgery addicts and fame whores. Needless to say, I was particularly excited to see Dannii's older sister on the cover of last week's edition. Reading about Kylie's natural beauty is one of my favourite past times but nothing prepared me for this stunning exposé. Instead of pouring over pictures of my favourite singer's frozen forehead, I was mind raped by one of the most amusing works of fiction articles I've read in a long time. According to NW, the "once beautiful star" is frightening London with her "over-worked, Botoxed face" and is feeling "really old and tired". When not terrifying onlookers with her shocking appearance, the tragic figure apparently passes the time listening to her biological clock wind down. There's also the obligatory opinion from an expert plastic surgeon and some dubious quotes from a "friend of the pop star" (my guess is Jazzi P).

The main article is amazing but the hour by hour breakdown of Kylie's average day (above) is the real Pulitzer Prize winning material. Her daily routine allegedly begins with exhausting neck and face exercises. After that ordeal is over, she pops down to the local clinic to get Botox and Collagen injections. The poor bitch must buy the cheap stuff that wears off overnight! Next up is a trip to the recording studio, followed by a three hour dance workout. Is it even possible to do robotic hand movements for that long? That's actually the least of her problems. According to New Weekly, Kylie's average lunch - and dinner - is a bowl of raw broccoli! Yes, apparently our national treasure survives on two serves of uncooked roughage a day! Maybe she could try wrapping the florets in a tasty lettuce leaf for that extra burst of flavour. I'm a firm believer that the truth is overrated but this is too much. Who is going to be held responsible when Dannii catches wind of this article and desperately follows Kylie's "routine" until she faints or turns green? I'm outraged! On a happier note, here is a pic (below) of Kylie in the studio... well, her feet at least. With demos being passed around the music industry - to rave reviews, no less - I think it's only a matter of time until we hear our first taste of XI. I can't wait!