Mary J - Nice Song, Shame About The Video

I think I'm the only person that actually likes Mary J. Blige's new single. Feedback for "25/8" has been vicious but once you get past the cringeworthy title, it's a really good song. Not quite "Be Without You" or "I Am" but still a massive improvement on other "My Life II" cuts like "Someone To Love Me (Naked)" and "Mr Wrong". The R&B icon delivers vocally and the old school production is pitch perfect. So why did her label spend no money on the clip? Honestly, this makes "Love On Top" look like Avatar. Mary J. basically stands around in a series of unflattering outfits against what looks like a screensaver I had in the 90s. And then there's the saddest dance interlude of 2011. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the soulful diva started waving her hands around aimlessly, surrounded by a bunch of broke-down male dancers. The whole thing reminds me of Kelly Rowland's heinous "Commander" video but with less imagination and an even lower budget. This woman has notched up nine consecutive top 10 albums in the US. Her talent and stature demand so much better.

Listen To Monica Or Die!

If there's one lesson to take from Monica's latest video, it's that you should always follow her advice or end up in a bodybag. The lead actress in "Until It's Gone" makes the mistake of ignoring the R&B diva's sage words and let's just say the poor bitch has one of dem days and then some. The clip is a bit melodramatic - my favourite part is when our ill-fated heroine sadly declares "Monica told me he would never change!" in a voiceover - but I love it. A good sob story never goes out of fashion and the concept gives a whole new meaning to the lyrics. "Until It's Gone" is the lead single from Monica's soon-to-be-released seventh studio album and it will probably be ignored outside America like everything else she has released since "Angel Of Mine" but the rich man's Brandy still does it for me. I love her voice, the fact that her hair hasn't changed since 1995 and her non-stop tweeting about Jesus. Watch in amazement as the wisest woman in R&B wipes the floor with your fave's wig. Don't take it personal.

Ashanti to tour Australia

This is not a late April Fool's Day joke. Ashanti, who I believe once scored a hit somewhere in the early noughties, is rumoured to be touring Australia soon. In all fairness, Nelly's girlfriend was a pretty big name (about 10 years ago) and has some good songs. "Foolish" is a classic and I still love her Ja Rule collaboration "Always On Time" but this has to be the most random flop to tour Australia since Blu Cantrell. The strangest thing is - I'm dying to go! I secretly think it's hilarious she's conned her way on to the bill and there's no doubt in my mind that her #96 smash "The Way That I Love You" will bring the house down. I'm particularly interested to see if the 30-year-old performs any new material. Hasn't she been threatening to release a new album since "The Declaration" went three times plastic in 2008? Only time will tell. But to get you into the mood for the return of a true R&B legend, here is her last Australian hit "Body On Me".

STOP PRESS: Deni Hines Is Still Alive

What the fuck? I can't believe The Deni has a new single out and nobody bothered to tell me. There should have been an announcement on the evening news or at least a one hour special with Kerri-Anne. I'm so pressed! So what has Australia's queen of R'n'B cooked up this time? A funky cover of a Donna Summer hit from 1982 called "Finger On The Trigger". Deni's soulful version harks back to the sweet soul of her 2006 #37 on the iTunes album chart (for one day) smash "Water For Chocolate". That gem easily ranks as one my favourite Australian albums of the noughties - so I'm happy. Sometimes I wish The Deni would just dust off her sea-shells and record "It's Alright 2011" to score another hit but she seems happy doing her thing. More power to her. You can download "Finger On The Trigger" from Australian iTunes now.

Introducing Doll Phace

Doll Phace is my new crush. Not only does she have the best name in music but her new single "Let's Go To Vegas" is something of a jam. I have to admit I don't know a lot about the stunning beauty but it appears she's some kind of a mogul - running production company called TVMG as well as writing and producing various film and TV projects. The girl formerly known as Monica Lloyd even directed her own video clip. Bitches, need to step aside. Doll Phace got this! "Let's Go To Vegas" is a lot of fun. The synthtastic production is straight from the Taio Cruz handbook. I like the classy gambling metaphors and cute chorus. Snoop's cameo is a welcome addition to the song and balances out the fluffy verses. Although I'm guessing he'll put this somewhere below "Get 'Em Girls" on his CV. The video is fairly simply - basically Doll Phace poses in a series of seductive outfits while some dudes play cards and look bored but it's a bright and colourful ride that suits the song perfectly. Girlfriend just needs to hook up with Khia for the Thug Misses remix and I'll be in heaven!

Pulse - A Tale Of 2 Albums

The return of Toni Braxton is one of 2010's most welcome surprises. I loved her first three albums and still blast classics like "You're Making Me High", "I Don't Want To" and "He Wasn't Man Enough" all the time. There's just something about that deep, soulful voice that gets to me. She's a total throwback to a time when divas could actually sing and talent counted for something. Which is one of the reasons I was so disappointed when "Pulse" first leaked a few months ago. The material was patchy and, to be honest, beneath her. It was almost as if she had rifled through the demos Beyoncé and Rihanna rejected in a desperate bid for relevance. Toni doesn't need to talk her way through songs about texting her man in a nightclub - reference to the so bad it's hilarious "Don't Talk, Just Text" - leave that stuff for the girls who can't sing like Cassie and Ciara. As it turns out, someone at Atlantic Records obviously agreed with me because "Pulse" was given a last minute overhaul. Half of the original tracklist was axed and new songs were commissioned. The end result is a strong collection of largely mid-tempo urban pop songs that hold up to anything in Toni's amazing back catalogue. However, it leaves us with the unusual situation of having two very different versions of the one album.

THE ORIGINAL VERSION

"Pulse" originally had the following tracklist:

1. Pulse
2. Stay
3. Yesterday
4. Hands Tied
5. Clockwork
6. I Hate Love
7. It's You
8. Wardrobe
9. Lookin' At Me
10. Don't Call, Just Text
11. My Ring
12. Make My Heart
13. Melt
14. Yesterday ft. Trey Songz

The songs in red were scrapped, while "My Ring" was renamed "The Wave". This is a rare example of a record company actually getting it right - with one glaring exception. "It's You" is an absolute gem and one of the few tracks on either version of the album with real hit potential. If you like your mid-tempo pop piano driven and pretty, with a belter of a chorus, then I highly recommend hunting this down. I'm less fussed about the rest of the songs that were cut. "I Hate Love" and "Melt" are nice but it feels like Toni was covering old ground. I've already mentioned "Don't Call, Just Text", while "Clockwork" is just another slow jam about the diva's sizzling bedroom antics. Interestingly, most of axed songs were the Rihanna/Beyoncé B-sides. Team Braxton clearly made a decision to follow a more traditional route and "Pulse" is so much better for it. Toni has returned to her R'n'B roots with an album that perfectly showcases her powerful pipes.

The original album cover

THE FINAL VERSION

Here is my track by track review of the final version of "Pulse".

Yesterday

The album's lead single reached a not so lofty #112 in America, which is surprising given its quality. I blame the ridiculous video (below) which finds Toni lounging around on a plastic table like the world's laziest pole dancer. Tamar has a lot to answer for! Apart from that, "Yesterday" is rather lovely. Sure, it's another in a long line of "Halo" rip offs but who cares when it's done this well? DJ Frank E's production is intricate and delicate, while Toni really gets her teeth into the lyrics. She can play the woman scorned as well as anyone in pop. If pretty ballads aren't your thing, check out the fabulous Fred Falke remix.

Make My Heart

"Make My Heart" should have been thrown into the same bin as "Don't Call, Just Text". Toni's attempt to get down with the kids is an epic fail and it's got nothing to do with her age. The stunning diva still looks 25 and could easily pull off a club anthem but this just sounds like the homeless homosexual's "Single Ladies". Lucas Secon is a great producer and I love the brass but this has all been done before and better. And don't even get me started on that video. Whoever chose this as a single needs to find a new job.

Hands Tied

Now this is old school. "Hands Tied" is a juicy R'n'B groove that allows Toni to show off her vocal range. I can almost see the power grabs and hair flicks when I listen it. The song is a nice throwback for fans but it's missing the big hook it needs to raise it to the next level. "Hands Tied" won't win over too many newcomers but nobody is making this kind of music at the moment - probably because it requires vocal talent - and there is definitely a market for quality R'n'B. I just wouldn't have picked it as a single.

Woman

I've already examined Toni's shocking decision to cover Dulta in an earlier post. I'm still coming to terms with it!

If I Have To Wait

And the award for my favourite song on "Pulse" goes to the utterly gorgeous "If I Have To Wait". Toni switches things up with an unexpected excursion into gentle pop/rock. I love the sentiment of this song. It's so self-destructive and depressing yet simultaneously touching and romantic. If that makes any sense. I hope Toni explores this sound again in the future. Her voice sounds amazing against the soft wave of guitars and the vocal acrobatics at the end are a nice touch.

Lookin' At You

Lucas Secon returns for the second time and it's another fizzer. I'm a bit worried because this guy has a song on "Aphrodite" and I really hope he hasn't unloaded an equally dull club banger on poor Kylie. Again, the song isn't awful but Rihanna and Beyoncé just do it better. "Lookin' At You" needed a bigger chorus or a vocal hook to work. Instead it falls flat and sounds more than a little embarrassing.

Wardrobe

This is another track that I would deleted. It's pleasant enough but completely unremarkable.

Hero

Now this is more like it. Yes, it sounds like a Ryan Tedder production (it's not) but I'm still sick for synth driven ballads and "Hero" is something of a monster. I love the melodramatic lyrics ("my heart never had a hero") and bombastic production (bringing in the orchestra was a nice touch). Toni is just so much more at home when she's wailing like a crazy woman. She needs to release this as a single. Radio would lap it up and despite the content, I'm sure Ms Braxton would find a way to be semi-naked in the video. It's not very original but "Hero" is a rare example of a knock off that matches the quality of the song/genre it's imitating.

No Way

The guitars make another appearance on this subtle gem. The lyrics are pretty and the diva's vocal delivery is admirably low key. I can't see "No Way" burning up the charts but this is my idea of high quality filler. It's cute, simple and showcases the versatility of Toni's voice.

Pulse

Chuck Harmony (the man behind Rihanna's "Russian Roulette") produced the album's title track and it is something of a corker unlike Riri's dull suicide anthem. The difference is that Toni actually has soul and she serves it up in spades on "Pulse". What a relief that the years haven't wearied her voice one iota. Whitney and Christina must be jealous. The chorus could be bigger but I think this is pretty special.

Why Won't You Love Me

Think of this as a sequel of sorts to "If I Have To Wait". The lyrics are almost as heartbreaking/pathetic but this isn't as elegantly constructed or memorable. That said, I love the subtle production and Toni's pouty voice is in its element. It's a fitting conclusion to a low key but ultimately satisfying album by one of music's lost superstars.

BONUS TRACKS

Yesterday ft Trey Songz

I vastly prefer this version of "Yesterday" to the original. Trey's voice drives me wild and tranforming the song into a duet is a masterstroke.

Stay

This stunning anthem has been wasted as a bonus track. It's one of the best songs on the album and could easily be a single. I love the lyrics and piano driven production. "Stay" is effortlessly catchy and classy. Definitely worth downloading.

Rewind

Boring.

The Wave

"The Wave" is pretty tragic but I find it amusing and find myself listening to it more often than I care to admit. Any song that begins with the line "they see me walkin' through the mall wit' my man, tryin' to get at him any which way they can" has to be worth a listen. Right?

Caught (Don't Take Your Hat Off) ft Mo'Nique

Mo'Nique makes this track pop. Her spoken interlude is fierce, particular when she quotes Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable"!

7.5/10

"Pulse" is in stores now. Check out the Trey Songz remix of "Yesterday" below. Toni's desperate antics are a joy to behold. Oh and Brooke Hogan makes an unexpected cameo as her love rival. You can buy that kind of class!