A Kylie Exclusive - Los Amores Remix

"Los Amores" is one of my favourite things about the entire "Aphrodite" era. The Spanish version of "All The Lovers" is utterly defining. It sounds like a classy Eurovision entry and you haven't lived until you've heard Kylie try to pronounce "cielo". I'll never forget hearing the song in Spain - performed live on the streets of Chueca by Tony Tornado. Dannii's divine sister would have cried tears of joy if she heard it! But as much as I love and adore this gorgeous anthem, I always assumed it was just a novelty. A love letter of sorts to Andrés Velencoso and her adopted homeland. Needless to say, I was more than a little surprised when MMB told me a remix of "Los Amores" had been commissioned but never used. He thinks it was intended for a Pride event but I don't think anyone knows for certain. And to be honest, I'm just happy it exists. Another killer collaboration with Polish DJs WAWA, the Anthem Mix more than lives up to its name. I'm not sure if it's due to the camp factor or the stunning accuracy with which the lyrics were translated but I actually prefer this to the English version. Now repeat after me:

Baila,
Es todo lo que quiero
¿Por qué no bailas?
Estoy aquí contigo, muevete.
Me meteré en tu ritmo y en su fuego, fuego, fuego.

With the producer's kind permission, enjoy "Los Amores (WAWA & MMB Anthem Mix)"!

The John Lennon Of Girls Aloud

My whole world has been turned upside down. One day you're happily bitching about Girls Aloud to anyone who will listen, the next you're forced to admit that you actually quite like Nadine Coyle's new solo single. I feel like a vegetarian that's been force fed KFC only to realise the error of their ways and go back for a second bucket! That might be a slight exaggeration. I still think Girls Aloud is the worst girlband in the history of music but if I have to warm to any of the five talent free zones - I'm glad it's Nadine. Sure, she's the useless one that just stands there and looks pretty but in comparison to the rest, she's the second coming of Kylie. Or at least Gina G. "Insatiable" didn't really grab me the first time I heard it but the Guy Chambers penned anthem is a grower. I love the brass and sexy chorus. It kind of reminds me of Alannah Myles circa 1989 - which is a compliment! However, as much as I like the original, the WAWA remix lifts the track from good to downright fucking amazing. The always reliable Polish duo transform "Insatiable" into dancefloor gold. If Nadine isn't as dumb as she looks, she will promote the fuck out of this. The WAWA mix (below) makes her sound like the real deal. Unlike local star Cheryl Cole, the mortal Coyle could actually have an international hit on her hands. It works in her favour that Girls Aloud can't give their music away outside the UK. She can start afresh without being pre-judged by their horrible legacy. And even if this bombs, Nadine can take heart from the face that "Insatiable" is a million times better than the aural abortion known as "Promise This"!

Kaci's Latest Trash Anthem - Body Shots

Kaci Battaglia is probably best known to pop fans as the pure as snow 13 year old who desperately tried to cut Britney's grass back in 2001 with her sugary sweet UK top 20 hit "Paradise" and top 10 cover of the Partridge Family classic "I Think I Love You". After several years in the wilderness, Kaci returned last year with a sexy new image and club smash called "Crazy Possessive" - which shamelessly ripped off "Womanizer" but still managed to sound 100 times better. That amazing anthem didn't quite catch on but the former child star isn't going anywhere. Kaci's latest stunning triumph is a call to arms for alcoholics and features a desperate cameo by Ludacris. Oh and it still sounds like something Britney's A&R received, ridiculed and rejected. Basically, "Body Shots" is a slice of heaven! The track might be low brow but it's undeniably catchy and I can easily imagine it becoming the soundtrack of choice for bad girls everywhere. I even think the Ludacris rap works. And let's face it - if Justin Bieber can get away with pulling this shit then why can't a stone cold fox like Kaci? As usual with flop divas of yesteryear, the song is being road tested in clubs before being pushed to radio and the remix package is impressive. My favourite is the WAWA mix (below) but Dave Audé's is a close second. Bring on the sure to be scandalous video!

Kylie's Latest Chart Triumph

Dannii's ancient sister is on fire at the moment. "All The Lovers" not only rebounds from #29 to become a #13 SMASH in Australia this week, the song also jumped to #1 on the US dance chart. The first time Kylie has achieved that feat since "Slow". To be honest, I'm a bit surprised. "All The Lovers" is heavenly but the official mixes are pretty dreadful with the exception of WAWA & MMB's brilliant effort. Speaking of which, here is a fan made video for that remix. I love how the white horse and floating elephant now play starring roles! At least someone knows true talent when they see it. This fabulous shit should be played twice hourly at The Shift until "Get Outta My Way" is unveiled. Which I hope is sooner rather than later because I am officially obsessed with that song. More exciting Kylie news to report as soon as I'm sure I won't be sued!

How To Polish A Turd With Beyoncé

"Videophone" was the only real misstep of the entire Sasha Fierce era. I hated "Diva" to begin with but the brilliant Karmatronic remix went on to become my favourite floorfiller of 2009. Releasing "Broken Hearted Girl" was another dubious decision but the gorgeous video somehow made it bearable. Unfortunately, the album's 8th single was a total stinker. Bad song, worse remixes and a video that is only redeemed by Beyoncé's endless sex appeal and all round superiority to Lady Gaga. I guess you could argue that it really didn't matter by then but "Sasha Fierce" is still riding high in the Australian top 20 seventy two weeks after release - so who knows what a radio hit could have done for the album. It's frustrating because "Radio", "Smash Into You" and "Disappear" all had massive chart potential. Happily, I've finally found something to love about "Videophone" - the completely amazing WAWA remix (below). I'm a huge fan of the Polish house maestros but I think something got lost in translation because the boys have turned B's sleazy urban jam into the gayest dance anthem of 2010. Setting lyrics like "dem hustlers keep on talkin', they like the way I'm walkin'" to cheesy house beats should have been a complete disaster but it works. In an unintentionally hilarious kind of way! I just need someone to re-edit the video to this version and I can close the book on "Sasha Fierce" a satisfied fanboy. Oh and you might be wondering why new remixes are still being commissioned. The song is currently storming up the US dance chart (#5 with a bullet). If "Videophone" reaches #1, it will be the 6th song from the album to do so. That's got to be some kind of record. Right?