Worst Cover Ever?

I know what you're thinking. That new Sia/David Guetta collaboration is a bit sloppy and desperately needs an overhaul by a Eurotrash DJ and some anorexic bitch in a bikini. Well, fret no more! D.Ghetto has taken it upon himself to jazz up "Titanium" and delivers the hottest mess to hit iTunes in a very long time. Everything about this cover is so bad it's kind of amazing. For starters, Silvia can't sing. A note. Where did they find this chick? She can't even pronounce titanium! And the production - and I use that term loosely - is woeful beyond belief. I think D.Ghetto whipped it up on a Commodore 64 he found at the local tip. The most disturbing thing about the new and unimproved version of "Titanium" is the fact that people are actually downloading it. This trainwreck is sitting just outside the top 100 on Australian iTunes ahead of new singles by Kimbra, Wynter Gordon and Emeli Sandé. While that sad fact sinks in, brace yourself for possibly the worst cover version of all time (below).

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Jessie J?

I have a confession to make. After months of soul-searching and deep reflection, I think I'm ready to come out... as a Jessie J fan! Her album was a bit average but the woman can sing and sure knows how to pen a hit. I even like the fact that she looks like a East German Olympian circa 1983. So why I am so embarrassed? It could be her painful appearance at the VMAs, where she sat in a chair and destroyed other people's songs between ad breaks. Perhaps it has something to do with her increasingly desperate tweets begging fans to download "Who's Laughing Now" because she really wants another UK top 10. Or maybe it's just her status as pop music's least convincing bisexual. Whatever. If I knew I'd write Jessie's management a strongly worded letter because there would be no stopping her if she didn't come across as such a tit.

Fuck Pitchfork and their assessment of the 23-year-old Brit's debut album as the nadir of popular music. I agree that she needs to pull back on the vocal acrobatics and dislodge the chip from her shoulder but "Do It Like A Dude", "Price Tag" and "Nobody's Perfect" were all good singles. Then there's her latest Dr Luke-produced anthem "Domino" (AKA that song that sounds like it really should be on "Teenage Dream"). I don't care if it is a blatant Katy Perry knock-off. It's cute, catchy and has amazing, non-sensical lyrics like "dirty dancing in the moonlight, take me down like I'm a domino". Come again? Better yet is the recently leaked "Without You", which is the best ballad Jessie has ever over-sung, and her amazing David Guetta collaboration "Repeat". Dance music is the diva's future! I love this track and hope it's a single. Check out the second best song on "Nothing But The Beat" below.