Worst Cover Ever?

I know what you're thinking. That new Sia/David Guetta collaboration is a bit sloppy and desperately needs an overhaul by a Eurotrash DJ and some anorexic bitch in a bikini. Well, fret no more! D.Ghetto has taken it upon himself to jazz up "Titanium" and delivers the hottest mess to hit iTunes in a very long time. Everything about this cover is so bad it's kind of amazing. For starters, Silvia can't sing. A note. Where did they find this chick? She can't even pronounce titanium! And the production - and I use that term loosely - is woeful beyond belief. I think D.Ghetto whipped it up on a Commodore 64 he found at the local tip. The most disturbing thing about the new and unimproved version of "Titanium" is the fact that people are actually downloading it. This trainwreck is sitting just outside the top 100 on Australian iTunes ahead of new singles by Kimbra, Wynter Gordon and Emeli Sandé. While that sad fact sinks in, brace yourself for possibly the worst cover version of all time (below).

Sia Talks Beyoncé

My love for Sia has reached previously unimagined heights after reading her latest interview with MTV Australia. The quirky diva is the realest girl in pop since Mutya Buena left the Sugababes to get butt implants. She talks openly about being sick of the spotlight, wanting to concentrate on songwriting instead of singing and, most importantly, spills the beans on her love for Beyoncé - describing her as "my queen". Amen! Sia then goes on to say she has submitted songs for Honey B's new album and reveals that the most eagerly anticipated album of all time is almost finished. I can hardly breathe!

So here are the most interesting parts of the interview and my interpretation of the ARIA winner's comments:

1. Sia worships Beyoncé and is friends with my Sol-Angel

[Bey] is my Queen, I love her so much! It’s kind of weird because I’m friends with her sister, Solange, but I’m not really an opportunist person, so I’ve never mentioned it to her. So I’ve been trying to work out how I could pitch songs to her or how I could write with her, but without ever utilizing my friendship with Solange.

I'm so excited that Adelaide's gift to the world has opened her heart to Beyjesus. It's a bit strange because I've always imagined Sia moping around the house in an unwashed nightie listening to Joni Mitchell instead of throwing it down to "Ring The Alarm" but Bey works in mysterious ways. And I love that she is BFFs with Solange. Actually, now that I think about it, "I Decided" and "Sandcastle Disco" wouldn't sound out of place on "We Are Born". Perhaps my Sol-Angel has been inspiring Sia from the sidelines. Hopefully Tina will drop by the next time the girls are hanging out and give Sia a free coupon for the House of Dereon. Untold glamour awaits!

2. Sia confirms that Bey is working with Diplo

Diplo emailed me and said, 'where are you in the world right now would you be interested in flying to New York, I’m writing with Beyoncé,' and I was like, ‘Yesss!’ But I couldn’t do it because I had to do the Big Day Out, but now it’s kind of happening, and I’m actually pitching songs to her.

This is amazing on so many levels. Firstly because it proves that the biggest star in the world is brave enough to mix it up by trying new producers while the likes of Britney, Lady Gaga and Rihanna continue to use the same three names year in, year out. It also hints at a more electronic/dance sound given Diplo's previous work with Robyn. Furthermore, Sia said Diplo was writing with Beyoncé - meaning we get more of the genius songwriting ability that changed "Hey" to "Bey" in "Resentment". I'm shaking with anticipation! And it's so fabulous that Beyjesus is taking Sia's submissions seriously. I thought "Bionic" had killed Sia's chances of becoming a songwriter to the stars but her contributions to that album were flawless and I'm glad she has a second chance. I know Jive rejected a batch of her songs for "Femme Fatale" but Sia's music requires vocal talent and a little bit of soul - so they were never going to be the right fit for Britney.

3. Beyoncé's 4th album is almost finished!

There’s only one song left for this album, so I probably won’t get on this album, but hopefully the next one. That’s my dream, that’s my goal.

HOLY FUCK. I suspected that Bey was gearing up to show the pretenders how it's done when I heard she was headlining Glastonbury in June but we could be getting new material as early as March or April if the album is already in the can. To be honest, I wish she would hold off until late 2011 because the market is flooded but after "Loud", "Born This Way" and "Femme Fatale" punters will be crying out for quality so she could be on to something.

Read the full article here

While we wait for Beyoncé to revolutionise popular music yet again - check out this forgotten classic from "B'Day".

ARIA Awards 2010 - Round Up

Yawn. The Australian music industry's night of nights is almost upon us and it's going to be as boring as usual if the recently announced nominations are any indication. Don't get me wrong. I actually like most of the nominees but the bias towards indie rock/alternative pop is as strong as ever. Kylie was largely overlooked despite releasing an album that actually sold more than 10 copies internationally, Vanessa Amorosi's domination of the singles chart was roundly ignored and CC Martini was robbed of ARIA glory yet again for her belated #93 smash "Double Dutch". Haters! The big winners were Sia, Washington, Julia & Angus Stone, Birds of Tokyo and Guy Sebastian (seriously?) - who received 6 nominations each. I think Sia's half dozen are well deserved. After being all but written off in Australia for the past decade, some recognition for her achievements is long overdue. I hope she scoops the pool and throws her pile of ARIAs at Delta Goodrem's head. Here are my 2 cents on the 2010 nominees. Please note I've highlighted who I think should win in red. Not who I necessarily think will win.

Album of the Year
Angus & Julia Stone - Down The Way
Birds of Tokyo - Birds Of Tokyo
Sia - We Are Born
Tame Impala - Innerspeaker
Washington - I Believe You Liar

I know it's hard to believe given the content of this blog but my taste in music is actually quite diverse and I'm only slightly embarrassed to admit that I purchased all these albums. Not only that but I'm also rather partial to them. While "We Are Born" doesn't quite match the heights of "Some People Have Real Problems", it's rich and interesting. And most importantly, it's fucking fun! Angus & Julia (who I actually went to school with - fun fact!) used to annoy the hell out of me but "Down The Way" is gorgeous, sunny Sunday afternoon of an album. And probably deserves to be here. Same goes for Washington's quirky "I Believe You Liar". The indie pop princess could have gone down the Missy Higgins route of mind numbing pretense but carves out her own little idiosyncratic niche. As for Tame Impala and Birds of Tokyo, they are probably the two least annoying rock bands in the country and almost live up to the hype. So what could have improved this line up:

Aphrodite - Kylie (Sublime from beginning to end)
The Lighter Side Of... - Laura Imbruglia (Funny, sad, heartbreaking)
Hazardous - Vanessa Amorosi (A consistently brilliant pop album)
Calling All Magicians - Danielle Spencer (So incredibly underrated)
Ten - Gabriella Cilmi (Desperate but surprisingly lovely and fun)

Single of the Year
Angus & Julia Stone - Big Jet Plane
Birds of Tokyo - Plans
Sia - Clap Your Hands
The Temper Trap - Love Lost
Washington - How To Tame Lions

How incredibly lame is this line up? Again, a bunch of great songs but (with perhaps the exception of the strikingly beautiful "Plans") are all brilliant album tracks - not killer singles. Even personal faves like "Clap Your Hands" and "How To Tame Lions" don't really cut the cocaine. Seriously, this shit is a 45 year old lesbian's wet dream. I know many of these will be eligible for next year's awards but I'm bitter about the omission of the following triumphs (in no particular order):

So Lonely - Chris Sorbello
All The Lovers - Kylie
In The Moment - Zoë Badwi
We Speak No Americano - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
Dog - Andy Bull and Lisa Mitchell
10 Date Commandments - Am8er
This Is Who I Am - Ness Ness
Isn't It Strange - Parralox
Ching Ching Ching - Nikka Costa
Kingdom - Erika
Sometimes We Fall - Vera Fernandez
Welcome To Disgraceland - Courtney Act
Big, Beautiful & Sexy - Casey Donovan
Spin - Casette Kids
Sometimes - Miami Horror
Filter Freak - Denzal Park
Changes - Emma Donovan
Shooting Star - Bag Raiders
And The Boys - Julia & Angus Stone
According To You - Orianthi
On Your Side - Danielle Spencer
Peek-A-Boo - Bertie Blackman

ROBBED!

Best Female Artist
Clare Bowditch - Modern Day Addiction
Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite
Lisa Mitchell - Oh! Hark!
Sia - We Are Born
Washington - I Believe You Liar

The omission of Am8er makes this category redundant!

Best Male Artist
Dan Kelly - Dan Kelly's Dream
Dan Sultan - Get Out While You Can
Guy Sebastian - Like It Like That
John Butler - April Uprising
Paul Dempsey - Fast Friends

Admittedly there's not much to chose from but this is ridiculous! Go John.

Best Group
Angus & Julia Stone - Down The Way
Birds of Tokyo - Birds Of Tokyo
Powderfinger - Golden Rule
Tame Impala - Innerspeaker
The Temper Trap - Love Lost

Scarlett Belle?

Best Dance Release
Art vs Science - Magic Fountain
Miami Horror - Sometimes
Midnight Juggernauts - The Crystal Axis
Pendulum - Immersion
Yolanda Be Cool and Dcup - We No Speak Americano

So predictable. I'm glad Yolanda Be Cool and DCUP finally get some respect and I LOVE "Sometimes" but where is Zoë Badwi's stunning club smash "In The Moment" or Kylie's "Get Outta My Way"? And how about Denzal Park's "Filter Freak"? You know, music that people can actually dance to....

Best Pop Release
Bluejuice - Head of the Hawk
Empire of the Sun - Half Mast
Guy Sebastian - Like It Like That
Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite
Sia - We Are Born

Replace Guy Sebastian with Vanessa Amorosi's "Hazardous" and I can sign off on this. Kind of. Kylie had better win or I'll curse the ARIA voters to walk around smelling of Pink Sparkle for the rest of eternity.

2010 ARIA Award Public Voted Nominees:

And here are the awards voted by the public. They are a mixed bag but a big improvement on the categories decided on by industry members. Note the inclusion of Ness Ness. Bless you, Australia.

Most Popular Australian Album
Angus & Julia Stone - Down The Way
Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream
Guy Sebastian - Like It Like That
Jimmy Barnes - The Rhythm and the Blues
John Butler Trio - April Uprising
Kate Miller-Heidke - Curiouser
Powderfinger - Golden Rule
Stan Walker - Introducing
The Temper Trap - Conditions
Vanessa Amorosi - Hazardous

Fair enough but where the fuck is "Hermaphrodite"?!

Most Popular Australian Single
Brian McFadden - Just Say So
Gabriella Cilmi - On A Mission
Guy Sebastian - Like It Like That
Guy Sebastian - Art of Love (featuring Jordin Sparks)
Kate Miller-Heidke - The Last Day on Earth
Stan Walker - Black Box
The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition
Vanessa Amorosi - This Is Who I am
Vanessa Amorosi - Mr. Mysterious
Yolanda Be Cool & DCup - We Speak No Americano

I refuse to acknowledge the first name on this list but a double shot of Vanessa, "Sweet Disposition" and finally some props for Gabriella. How delicious!

Most Popular International Artist
Beyonce
Black Eyed Peas
David Guetta
Eminem
Jason Derulo
Katy Perry
Ke$ha
Lady Gaga
Michael Buble
Mumford & Sons
Owl City
Rod Stewart
Susan Boyle
Taylor Swift
Train

Rod Stewart? Seriously. What the fuck? Fingers crossed that Beyjesus wins (or at least Queen Ke$ha) but I fear it will be someone vile and revolting like Taylor Swift or Train. Gross. Ok, enough bitching. The ARIAs aren't usually my cup of tea but I look forward to the award ceremony every year. If nothing else in the vain hope of catching another career ending performance like Madison Avenue's legendarily tragic rendition of "Who The Hell Are You?" from 2000. Cheyne's mid-song break to have a glass of water is positively iconic. Comeback, bitch. We miss you!

Pop Panel 2010 - Week 1

Due to overwhelming popular demand (well, three strongly worded emails from Tommie), Pop Panel is back for another year! I didn't realise how much I missed it until I started putting together this post, so I hope it's as much fun to read as it is to write. The concept remains the same. Basically, a group of bloggers rate a bunch of songs out of five to determine a "Single Of The Week". This week's selection gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect. There are a couple of hits, some less commercial tunes and a smattering of low brow pop trash. As usual, my favourite didn't win - LuAnn was robbed! - but I'm still very happy with the outcome. Many thanks to the following bloggers for helping me determine the first Pop Panel champion of 2010:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
EQ (UK) writer of Electroqueer
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog
MuuMuse (US) writer of MuuMuse
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
The Prophet (Aus) writer of The Prophet

As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest. Here goes!

Sergio Cuho – Cara A Cara (Video)

This is what happens when you give a Spaniard $10 to make a video clip.

D'Luv: Hey, Sergio — I've got ten bucks and three free hours. Bring the knee pads but leave the microphone. Negative four points for the singing, but one point for his mouth. 1/5
EQ: I know a lot of Spanish and Italian teenagers who would listen to this track on a Saturday night bender, but for me it just sounds like a bunch of racket. You want a REAL Spanish pop star - check out Monti Montanez. 1.5/5
Mike: Is this Malena Gracia before the operation? Like that stunning Spanish icon, Sergio has the voice of an angel and the fashion sense of a blind prostitute. I think I'm in love. 4/5
MuuMuse: What the - wait, isn't this a Cascada song? "Everytime We Touch"? "Miracle"? All of them? I'm confused here. And what exactly am I watching? This is like Fast and the Furious meets Jersey Shore with a few more graphic tees added for good measure. 2/5
Paul: Blimey, how many t-shirts does he need to wear in the video? I bet they reeked of sweat and poppers afterwards. It's typical eurotrash pop, quite endearing really in a trying-quite-hard sort of way. I do appreciate a kicking trancey chorus. By god though, Sergio looks riddled. When he goes back to his day job of a waiter, you wouldn't want him gobbing on your meat... 3/5
Prophet: I love tragic trash pop... unless it's Euro Hi NRG which is my most hated genre of music. I hate it more than that Ace of Base song though, which at least makes it somewhat interesting. 2/5
Total: 13.5/30

Stan Walker – Unbroken (Video)

Australia’s latest "Idol" gets a little help from Ryan Tedder on his 2nd single.

D'Luv: So, Stan Walker - basically it's Adam Lambert with an overbite and a tan. He's an OK singer, but the song's pretty hollow and forgettable, no? 2/5
EQ: I enjoyed this one. Is that his real name though? I immediately thought of Karen Walker from Will & Grace?! The "yeaahhhhh" at 2:22 kinda annoyed me but pats on the back for making a statement about peace in a troubled world. I would have to hear more, but that one wasn't half bad... neck tattoos kinda annoy me though. 3/5
Mike: I thought "Black Box" was the best winner's song in the history of Australian Idol but this is utter shit. Made worse by the year's tackiest video. And someone please explain why they replaced Stan's hair with a piece of Lego. 1/5
MuuMuse: Fucking Ryan Tedder. Are you serious? Are you actually still peddling the same song to EVERYONE? I just want to be happy and you're already gone. I can see your halo, but it's too late to apologize. (Then again, at least you're peddling a semi-decent melody every time.) 2.5/5
Paul: His "Black Box" or whatever it was called song was a pop triumph. This is just the latest Ryan Tedder/One Republic B-side. I'm quite disappointed really. Stan's neck tattoo terrifies me by the way. 2/5
Prophet: I thought I'd hate this since it's a Ryan Tedder produced urban ballad that was rejected by Leona Lewis for her tragic sophomore album, but ever since it leaked I've had it on high rotation. It's not as good as Kelly Clarkson's stunning "Already Gone", but I like it as much as Tedder's other stuff like "Halo" and "Battlefield". 4.5/5
Total: 15/30

Jenny Berggren – Here I Am (Video)

Ex-Ace Of Base frontwoman releases debut single.

D'Luv: Thank Christ this broad ditched her album of Jesus jams for straightforward pop. Because "Here I Am" deserves at least three plays in my car (I'll be totally sick of it after that, no doubt.) Brava! 4/5
EQ: Hmmmmm - dunno. There is so much noddage to the classic sound of Ace Of Base lately that I think Jenny might be missing something here. It doesn't quite feel right for her to be doing electro-pop right now in this moment. This track isn't bad though, it's kinda middle of the road I guess, but for me, just not inventive enough. 2.5/5
Mike: Oh joy - more cookie cutter Swedish pop with no punch or personality. 1.5/5
MuuMuse: It's no "Don't Turn Around," is it? I get that she's "here" now on her own and all, but would she consider going back? That would be nice. 3/5
Paul: She saw the sign. The dollar sign and she figured it was worth more as a solo artist rather splitting it multiple ways. She's back with a bit of an empowerment anthem. It's not brilliant but it's not dire either so perhaps it will grow on me. I do adore Ace of Base so I'll take a spin off series of them anyday. 3/5
Prophet: When I saw that Jenny was from Ace of Base I immediately got really excited, only to be let down when I actually bothered to listen to the song. It isn't interesting enough to love or hate, it's just a big nothing. 1.5/5
Total: 15.5/30

Ciara ft. Ludacris – Ride (Below)

Ciara gets her slut on.

D'Luv: Ciara needs to take a ride straight off a cliff. I'm giving this a half point only because she bounces up and down in the video like a sex-deprived Mexican jumping bean. 0.5/5
EQ: SNOOOOZE - I had to turn this off after one minute. 1/5
Mike: I'm glad Ciara has stopped jackin' Beyoncé's swagger and returned to her slutastic urban roots. "Ride" is five minutes of pure filth that will inspire prostitutes and pole dancers for generations to come. 4/5
MuuMuse: Even if she's been recycling the same sound for three albums now, it still (mostly) works. As far as songs explicitly about "riding it" though, Geri Halliwell still sits firmly on top. 3.5/5
Paul: Can't people just record songs on their own anymore? What is the need to have a featuring in every bloody tune? Alexandra Burke is second only to Ciara in these stakes and it's getting right on my wick. If it made the song any better, it would be right worth while, but honestly it doesn't. It's still a bit cack. 2/5
Prophet: One of my favorite songs right now! Super Ci brought back 90's R&B but gave it a fierce modern makeover. Ciara is doing real urban music again instead of the watered down trash that Rih-cycle and BeYawnce release. It's like Ginuwines "Pony" for 2010. I love this song so much! 5/5
Total: 15.5/30

Countess LuAnn – Money Can’t Buy You Class (Video)

Move over, Kim Zolciak. LuAnn is the new "Real Housewives" singing superstar!

D'Luv: I'm glad this old cougar decided to shell out $23 to pay for a high-quality dance jam that sounds straight out of 1990. Paris is burning, bitchface! I'm subtracting two points for Auto Tune, because any thin-voiced diva worth her salt would have just braved it without the studio trickery back in the happy house days. But then I'm adding two points back because LuAnne de Lesseps is a complete gold-plated whore. Money really can't buy you class. Case in point: The Countess. 5/5
EQ: I dunno, this sounds just a little too dated for my tastes. If it had been a straight up disco stomper with violins and a real sorrow about it - it might just grab me. RuPaul has already been there and done this - snap! 2/5
Mike: This is more than a high camp pop trash explosion, it's a mantra to live by! I'm completely captivated by Countess LuAnn's pearls of wisdom. "Your company should feel when a conversation's real even when the topic feels like science class". Amen. 5/5
MuuMuse: I've been playing this one for weeks, first ironically - and then entirely apologetically. Money can't buy you class, but I'll be damned if it can't buy you two hours of studio time with Autotune and a half-decent songwriter. A drag queen's goldmine! 4/5
Paul: Sweet jesus christ. What is with the craze for divorced women to release singles these days? There's that bird from Pineapple Dance Studios, Madonna and now this cacophonous racket. No wonder her husband turned out to be such a philandering count. 1/5
Prophet: The lyrics... The 'vocals'... The 90's production... Kim Zolciak who? 3.5/5
Total: 20.5/30

Elouise – Pretender (Audio)

A recent Pop Justice song of the day for the English songbird.

D'Luv: This could grow on me, if I'm ever in the mood to have a bit of a drama. 3/5
EQ: I think I'm the only gay blogger who doesn't get Elouise. I've seen her perform twice and although the songwriting and production are strong, she misses out on capturing the interest of a lot of younger gay men who don't quite understand or appreciate the "Dreamgirls" aspect to her. As Simon Cowell would say, "it's a little too cabaret for me". I know I'm SUPPOSED to love her because she works with Kylie and Dannii's peeps and all, but I just don't see the appeal here and "Pretender" isn't a song I would ever want to listen to on my own accord. I will say this though - bitch has some fierce gowns and knows how to rock them. I can see why people like Elouise - she's really good at what she does... 2/5
Mike: How do you solve a problem like Elouise? She has class, taste and real vocal talent. Three characteristics that seem mutually exclusive with chart success in 2010. I hope she carves out her own niche because this is completely fucking gorgeous. 4.5/5
MuuMuse: She has a nice voice, but this song is all a bit 'much' for me (read: soggy and over-dramatic). It sort of sounds like a 1995 Dannii Minogue ballad. Actually, it sounds exactly like that. 2/5
Paul: There is something about Elouise and this song that is so classic and timeless; she really transcends genres and trends to deliver a corking vocal performance filled with passion, emotion and power. It's a glorious tune, brilliantly produced and has got to be the start of something massive and magnificent in terms of Elouise's ongoing career. 5/5
Prophet: She has a great voice! The song sounds a little cheap and melodramatic, but it's good. 4/5
Total: 20.5/5

Music Go Music – Light Of Love (Video)

These Canadians are the closest you’ll get to ABBA without a time machine.

D'Luv: So glad the A*Teens are back! 3/5
EQ: Awww, who doesn't love a cute kitty calendar?! But alas, even the blatant attempt to be ABBA still doesn't get me excited at all. That ship has sailed for me I'm afraid, but the video was somewhat entertaining, wouldn't watch it again though. 2/5
Mike: "There was a time my love, my heart had grown cold, my arms were reaching out for someone to hold" - sigh. 5/5
MuuMuse: Yes, yes...very trendy, the retro sounds. Very nice. It's all about the circus-gone-freakshow-inspired video, though. 3.5/5
Paul: Absolutely adore this. It's about as close to a new Abba record as you are probably going to get. It's so bloody uplifting and the chorus is just pure musical popcorn. Play it again and again and again for you will never tire of this delightful ditty. 5/5
Prophet: I don't know who Music Go Music are but I love both the song and music video for "Light of Love". It actually reminds me of ABBA, who I hate, but for some reason I love this. I think it's the part where she threw the drink in the Asian girls face that had me sold. 4/5
Total: 22.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Sia – Clap Your Hands (Below)

Australia’s second most famous sometime lesbian (after Portia Di Rossi) releases the 2nd single from “We Are Born”.

D'Luv: I like this. Not bowled over by it, but "Clap Your Hands" is fun pop. Anyone else think those guitar riffs in the second verse sound like Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake"? 3/5
EQ: Sia can do no wrong in my book - seriously if she sang the phonebook I'd probably still buy her albums. I'm SO looking forward to seeing her live at the Roundhouse in London in May - a big event in my little world and the new album is totally out of this world. "Clap Your Hands" is probably her best single for me after "Breathe Me" and kudos to her that she managed to get out of the Zero 7 rut cuz this is the type of music she really wanted to make - it fits her HUGE personality better. 5/5
Mike: I worship the ground Sia walks on but "Clap Your Hands" strikes me as a slightly inferior sequel to "You've Changed". Not that it matters when the end product is this much fun. 4/5
MuuMuse: Loving Sia right now. Honestly, I have to throw my support behind any song that encourages any sort of dance or hand gesture. Also, that disco bass line? Oh my God. 4.5/5
Paul: It's quite nice isn't it? I have to remind myself that I am not judging the video and merely the song. The video is excellent - the song is not quite as good, but a rather joyous romp anyway and certainly a nice way to brighten up a dull afternoon at work. 3.5/5
Prophet: Amazing. Even if the song was garbage (which it most definitely isn't) I'd rate this highly just for the dancing tinsel woman in the video. 4/5
Total: 24/30