Is Pattyboy the worst pop star of all time?

That was a rhetorical question because the answer is clearly yes! Pattyboy is the hottest mess to grace Pop Trash Addicts in its long and sordid history. With the voice of an unautotuned Kim Kardashian, dance moves that Katherine Hepburn perfected shortly before leaving this mortal coil and a wardrobe of outfits that look like rejects from Perez Hilton's short lived fashion line, this gay drags pop music to shocking new depths. But I'm not gonna hate. In fact, New Zealand's self-proclaimed male Lady Gaga - I just can't - is my new hero! It takes balls of steel (or a mental illness) to put yourself out there with this little talent and, let's face it, his music is still probably better than half of "Born This Way".

Take his amazing breakthrough hit "Disco Erection". The stunning club banger finds Pattyboy doing aerobics in his mother's old lyrca gym shorts on the floor of a nightclub while singing saying classy lyrics like "drink it up, bend and suck, get fucked". Doesn't it make you proud to be gay? No? Well, how about his glorious gay pride anthem "Wear Your Colours"? I might need to lay off the marijuana but I actually think there's a nice song hiding somewhere inside this heinous trainwreck. It has a sweet message and is a radical improvement on "Disco Erection" but Pattyboy's non-existent vocal ability and criminal dress sense ensure this will be another entry on the worst songs of all time countdown. Shame. As shit as he is, I'm kind of glad the taste-blind Kiwi is deluded enough to keep at it. And, truth be told, I can't wait to see what new depth he plumbs next!

Straight Up! - A Twink Anthem

Straight Up! first came to my attention back in April when they featured on Don't Stop The Pop. Back then Rob likened the Swedish twosome to Pay TV and Army Of Lovers - heady praise indeed! Their debut single definitely covered an arresting topic. An ode to young and pretty gays, "Twink" is a throbbing electro-pop anthem that goes where lesser acts fear to tread with stunning lyrics like "I pick a hunk I wanna fuck and then I get him drunk". Take that Adam Lambert, you soft cock! The thing is - I'd rather do Perez Hilton with the lights on than go near a hairless man-boy but I fully support the group's right to sing about whatever the fuck gets them hard. Think of this as the psycho-sexual bookend to Barb@zul's legendary bear anthem "I Don't Care"! Since April the Straight Up! boys have been busy recording new tracks and only just got around to releasing the video for "Twink". I wish I knew what to say about it. The clip (below) is a trash lover's wet dream but it also makes me want to find the nearest woman, get married and spend the rest of my life living a lie just to avoid ever watching it again. But that's me. I'm sure most of you will love it and I think the guy with the beard would be kinda hot if he stopped over-shaping his eyebrows! Don't get me wrong, I really like this band. I'll just listen to their future smash with my eyes closed. Now where's the link for that Barb@zul video again...

Scissor Sisters - Live At Luna Park

I love the Scissor Sisters. Their debut was pretty much flawless and they are responsible for one of my all time favourite Kylie tracks (the unreleased gem "I Know"). And it doesn't hurt that I want to do bad, bad things to Del Marquis and Babydaddy. So you can imagine how excited I was about last night's Sydney concert - despite my misgivings about their latest album. Unfortunately, the show turned out to be as stale and boring as "Night Work". Half a decade of recycled ideas is really starting to take its toll on the band and fans alike, if the lacklustre turn out was any indication. Their Elton John trapped in a San Fran darkroom circa 1979 pastiche was a breathe of fresh air back in 2004 but it's getting more tired than Madonna's vagina. As is their increasingly formulaic stage craft. Jake still prances around like the poor man's Freddie Mercury, while Ana does her best not to look completely useless by 'playing' the tambourine and doing the occasional bit of bad choreography. Thank gay Jesus for the other members - who concentrate on menial tasks like playing their instruments competently and looking sexy. Without trying.

It wasn't a complete write off. Songs like "Laura", "Comfortably Numb" and "Take Your Mama" still sound amazing live and I'd forgotten how much I like at least half of "Ta-Dah". Fabulous tranny anthem "She's My Man" and Ana's failed bid at landing Jake's job "Kiss You Off" went down a treat with fans. Unfortunately, those gems only serve to underline the mediocrity of their new material. The stillborn lead single "Fire With Fire" is just as deathly boring live as it is on the album, while songs like "Nightlife" and the title track cover very familiar territory. On the bright side, "Whole New Way" is hot without sounding like it belongs on a porn soundtrack (hello "Harder You Get") and "Any Which Way" stands out as a massive hit in waiting. "Invisible Light" comes a very close second but I think the Sisters wasted it as a pre-album promo single. Stupid. Re-reading this review, it comes across a lot harsher than intended. The Scissor Sisters still bring something different to the pop world and occasionally knock out a great pop tune but I know they're capable of so much more. Maybe they just set the bar too high. A very average concert from a band who used to be anything but.