Mylène's latest triumph!

Poor Lady Gaga. She hires RedOne and ends up with a stinker like "Judas", while stunning 49-year-old French pop legend Mylène Farmer nabs a modern classic. "Lonely Lisa" is the third single from "Bleu Noir" and should follow the other two all the way to number one - which would make it her 8th consecutive chart topper in France and 12th in total. This bitch has snatched so many wigs she has RSI! I loved understated moodiness of Mylène's last single but "Lonely Lisa" is in a different league entirely. RedOne was obviously inspired by the diva's timeless beauty and delivers a turbo-charged pop song, as haunting as it is catchy. I can't wait for my physical copy to arrive so I can spend hours admiring Mylène's stunning outfit on the cover (above). Now that's what I call glamour. As for the video, it's another triumph. While smaller stars like Rihanna and Lady Gaga employ shock tactics for publicity, the French superstar explores the riveting topic of tanning in her clip. In sunbeds. In the desert. Oh and there's also a shimmery black camel and ballet dancers. It makes no sense whatsoever but remains utterly amazing. Only Mylène!

Lionel Richie + Guy Sebastian + RedOne

Lionel Richie is poised to have his first major Australian hit since... time immemorial the early 90s with a re-make of "All Night Long". His 1983 number one smash has been overhauled by RedOne and now features Guy Sebastian on backing vocals. I know it sounds like a bad joke but the update actually kind of works and all the proceeds go to the victims of the Christchurch earthquake and Queensland floods - so there's no excuse not to at least try this shit out. Just be grateful they went with "All Night Long" instead of "Hello" or "Penny Lover"! The song has a timeless quality (which RedOne proved last year by sampling it in Enrique's "I Like It") and lends itself easily to the duet format. Although to be honest, Guy really does play second fiddle to Lionel on this. It's like he didn't want to outshine the superstar with his superior vocals - Am I forgiven Guy Sebastian stans? - and humbly took a back seat. Guy is actually on fire at the moment. I secretly love "Who's That Girl" and his joint tour with Lionel is bringing in huge crowds. He just needs to re-release his underrated masterpiece "Oh Oh" and I'll considering turning to the dark side. As for Lionel, this is easily his finest moment since 2004's "Just For You" - one of my favourite jams from that year. "All Night Long 2011" isn't on YouTube yet, but you can preview the song on iTunes. The track is already at #13 after a day, so it looks like being a big hit. I hope there's a glamorous video to accompany this hot mess. Hell, a live clip would suffice. Check out the original version below. Those high waisted leather jeans are to die for!

Mylène Farmer - Oui Mais Non

I've been inundated with (at least two) requests to review this single and I'm more than happy to oblige. Mylène Farmer needs no introduction if you live in Europe but my Australian homegirls and gays might need some help. She is often described as the French Madonna due to both her phenomenal chart success in the 80s and inability to age gracefully. Personally, I think the comparison is unfair because unlike her American counterpart, Mylène still has hits and is not completely irrelevant. Although her latest smash does have more than a whiff of desperation about it. The completely natural, surgically untouched 49 year old has hooked up with RedOne for "Oui Mais Non" and some critics are accusing her of ripping off Lady Gaga. How ridiculous! Everyone knows that Gaga stole Kat Deluna's sound first - so, who cares? And everything sounds better in French anyway. You could probably read the obituaries to me en français and I'd think it was a love poem. But I digress. The production is slick, the chorus is catchy and RedOne thankfully forgot to bring his vocoder to the studio. I'm sold. The video, on the other hand, is a lazy "Bad Romance" rip off but you can't have everything. I've already ordered a physical copy of this from French Amazon. It's worth the 10 Euros just to stare at Mylène's natural beauty for hours on end!