Soraya's Latest Triumph

Soraya has cemented her status as Europe's leading vocalist by dressing up as James Brown - complete with brown face - and covering "I Feel Good" on Spanish TV. Her version is so much better than the original. Is there anything this woman can't do? From coming 23rd at Eurovision to scoring a number 89 airplay hit in Russia, the pride of Extremadura has experienced more success in the past two years than your fave will in a life time! One question though. Where is the fucking "Stick Shift" video? And why have there been no further singles from "Dreamer"? I think the answer is clear. Soraya is simply too sexy for the European Union and conservative politicians have conspired to derail her triumphant career. The time has come for the pop legend to spread her wings and move to Australia where her talent will be appreciated. But maybe leave the brown paint in Spain. And hurry up and release "I Got You" or "Twilight" as a single!

Mylène's latest triumph!

Poor Lady Gaga. She hires RedOne and ends up with a stinker like "Judas", while stunning 49-year-old French pop legend Mylène Farmer nabs a modern classic. "Lonely Lisa" is the third single from "Bleu Noir" and should follow the other two all the way to number one - which would make it her 8th consecutive chart topper in France and 12th in total. This bitch has snatched so many wigs she has RSI! I loved understated moodiness of Mylène's last single but "Lonely Lisa" is in a different league entirely. RedOne was obviously inspired by the diva's timeless beauty and delivers a turbo-charged pop song, as haunting as it is catchy. I can't wait for my physical copy to arrive so I can spend hours admiring Mylène's stunning outfit on the cover (above). Now that's what I call glamour. As for the video, it's another triumph. While smaller stars like Rihanna and Lady Gaga employ shock tactics for publicity, the French superstar explores the riveting topic of tanning in her clip. In sunbeds. In the desert. Oh and there's also a shimmery black camel and ballet dancers. It makes no sense whatsoever but remains utterly amazing. Only Mylène!

Victoria S - Germany's gift to music

Germany is just behind Romania and Mexico as my favourite musical nation. The cavalcade of superstars to emerge from there would make Sweden blush. Cascada, Kim Gloss, Daniela Katzenberger - need I say more? Well, you can add another name to that illustrious list. Victoria S is often described as the German Britney but I think that's really unfair. Sure, Vicky's voice is thinner than Karen Carpenter and she dances like she has a disability but at least the blond bombshell appears to be lucid and aware of her surroundings. Most of the time. The stunningly talented 17-year-old first appeared on my radar last year. Her debut single "One In A Million" set a new world record for the most autotune used on a pop song but I approved. She then showed off her real vocal chops by singing "There's A Place For Us" for the German Voyage of the Dawn Treader soundtrack and nailed it. I vastly prefer her version to Carrie Underwood's - high praise indeed!

Unfortunately, neither song was a huge hit in Germany but that hasn't stopped Victoria releasing another single. "Voyeur" is a camp dance anthem that sounds like a twisted mix of Ke$ha and September. Yes, it's that amazing. The track takes a couple of listens to get into and the chorus doesn't really make any sense (note to Europop acts - stop using Google translator!) but I love it and can't wait for Vicky's album, which I hope will be called "Adventures In Autotune". As usual, the superstar in waiting has pulled together a rather spectacular video to accompany her future smash. The brief was obviously sex, sex and more sex. Victoria rolls around on a bed, pouts in the shower and dances (as) seductively (as she can). She's so pretty and could make an international impact with the right song. This isn't it but I still need an mp3 now and pray they release it physically so I can add to my Victoria S collection!

Fuck K-Pop, it's all about Romania!

Don't get me wrong. I love K-Pop. Pop Trash Addicts played host to the pride of Korea and many other stunning acts before loud and proud K-Pop fanatics like Pop Reviews Now and The Prophet Blog started flying the flag. The thought and effort that goes into everything from the styling to the choreography is inspiring and it's exciting to see how the Korean model is being embraced abroad. You only have to look at The Saturdays' latest video to see that someone has been taking notes. But when it comes to making a genuine impact on the international music scene, Romania has well and truly snatched Korea's wig. Over the past couple of years the country has become a hot bed for dance music and continues to churn out hitmakers at an alarming rate. Their most successful export is arguably Edward Maya, who cracked the US top 20 with "Stereo Love" and took the song to number 1 in nine other countries, but in this post I'm going to focus on the leading ladies of Romania.

Elena is the least famous of the ravishing Romanian divas wreaking havoc on the European charts at the moment but she could well be my favourite. Like many a pop tart before her, she got her big break at Eurovision - placing 19th in 2009. At least she did better than Soraya! Since then Elena has racked up consecutive number one hits in her homeland and made waves across the continent with "Disco Romancing". That song was massive in Eastern Europe and won over the Spanish gays. I love that trash but her new single is even better. "Midnight Sun" (below) is typically upbeat Romanian dance-pop with a cute Latin twist and a killer sample. The chorus is annoyingly catchy and I like her bubbly personality. As usual the video is basically soft porn with Elena dancing around in a variety of skimpy outfits. She looks slightly demented but kudos for trying to bring back the eye patch. I need an album from this goddess ASAP!

The next classy Romanian diva on everyone's lips is Alexandra Stan. "Mr Saxobeat" has already been a top 10 hit in 8 European countries and is rapidly climbing the UK singles chart. She's currently sitting at number 18 but should jump a couple of places this week given the song's position on iTunes. The 21-year-old's success is easy to explain. She looks and behaves like a (slightly) less trashy Ke$ha and somehow got her paws on one of the most insanely catchy novelty hits in recent memory. Part of me wants to dismiss the song as a total fluke but Romanian producers continue to deliver these killer tunes - first "Stereo Love", then Inna's "Hot" and now "Mr Saxobeat". Bucharest is the new Stockholm! I particularly like Alexandra's video. She gets arrested and taken to prison but like any self-respecting party girl, she flirts with the guard and breaks out. And really who could resist this stunner? It's only a matter of time before someone licences this in Australia. Trust me.

Last but definitely not least is the Romanian Madonna. By now Inna needs no introduction. The diva's uncanny ability to endlessly recycle hooks and beats won her an army of fans around the globe, particularly in France where she has scored 5 consecutive top 10 hits. I loved her debut album (even though it sounds like 18 remixes of the same track) and I'm glad she's still going strong. The lead single from her sophomore opus "I Am The Club Rocker" broke into the UK top 20 last week and, like Alexandra, is predicted to climb when the charts are released on Monday. "Sun Is Up" is typical Inna. It combines her favourite themes - warm weather and looking sexy - and will get stuck in your head after the first listen. Inna definitely gets more a lot more money funnelled into her music and videos than Elena or Alexandra but she always looks a little bored to me. I guess it's stressful being the reigning queen of Romanian pop! Check out her latest smash below. You just know that BoA is crying into a pillow somewhere screaming "that shoulda been me!"

Here comes Oh Land!

Chances are you know more about Oh Land than I do. The Danish diva has been getting major blog love for the best part of a year but, until recently, I didn't take much notice. My iPod is already full of overhyped Scandinavian nobodies and I wasn't prepared to take a punt on another epic fail like Lykke Li. But when a "Sun Of A Gun" promo arrived in my inbox last week, I thought I'd give it a spin to see what all the fuss is about. And I'm glad I did. Sounding like a cross between Feist's "1234" and Lenka's "The Show", Oh Land's breakout single is an instantly catchy pop gem that deserves to find a bigger audience. I love the overwhelming simplicity of "Sun Of A Gun". The producers show admirable restraint by letting the quirky vocal hooks and cute lyrics set the tone. It's so understated but I guarantee you'll be singing along by the end of the song. As far as I know it wasn't a huge hit in America - where she has decided to launch her album - but it has racked up over 10 million views on YouTube and her upcoming support slot on Sia's US tour should help. In the meantime, Oh land is finally being given a push in Europe - and then hopefully in Australia. Fingers crossed "Sun Of A Gun" takes off. Her image is great and the video is very pretty. I guess it's time to see if the rest of the album is any good!

Justin Bieber clones from around the world

If you've been following me on Twitter, you'll know that I'm a hardcore Belieber. And more than a little excited about seeing the King of Pop in concert tomorrow night. I honestly think I'll start crying and shaking like a crazy person when he sings "Never Say Never" but I digress. Instead of sitting in front of the computer, listening to the gospel of Biebus, I thought I'd put my stanning to good use and write a post about the amazing impact of the world's second biggest star. After Bey. Justin has single handedly brought back the teen idol. The 70s and 80s were littered with them but the species became seriously endangered in the 90s and almost died out completely in the noughties until the emergence of this man. He manages to be cool and relevant - churning out edgy club bangers with Usher and Chris Brown - yet completely inoffensive and totally at ease singing with low brow trash like Jaden Smith and Miley Cyrus. His talent knows no bounds and his appeal is universal. As you will see from the following three clips that were brought to my attention by an avid reader of Europopped.

1. MM - Hungary's Justin Bieber

I don't know much about this Hungarian superstar. It's hard to find any information written about him in English but he is one of the most convincing Bieber clones out there. He has similar hair and even rocks the JB trademark cap! His video clip is also a bit of a knock off but they spent money on it and the finished product is convincing. MM's music isn't bad either. "Te vagy az a lány" is a fun song. The production is actually quite crisp and I like the chorus. Does anyone know what the title means in English? I would download this if it ever reaches Australian iTunes - which I highly doubt. So help me out, bitches.

2. Monsif - Holland's Justin Bieber

Monsif is a 13 year old Dutchman boy with a big following in his homeland - if his bio is to be believed. This kid is probably the most original of the Bieber clones. His look is totally different and there is something less manufactured about him. Monsif also has the best song of the three JB wannabes in today's post. "Helemaal" is a little gem. I hope it was released physically in the Netherlands because I want it! Again, I have no idea what he's singing about but it's cute and catchy. The video is less flashy than MM's but it's effective and touching, particularly the final scene where he gets to hug the girl in the crowd. Team Monsif!

3. Ian Thomas - Belgium's Justin Bieber

While MM and Monsif at least tried to be differentiate themselves from their idol, Ian Thomas Hoeler - a 13 year old from Belgium - can't be bothered. His debut is a cover of a Flemish cover of "Baby". His hair, fashion and dance moves are also straight from the Bieber handbook. And I'm down with that. I love hearing translations of English language hits and his attempt at copying Luda's rap is rather spectacular. Fingers crossed Ian sticks with it. I want a whole album of Bieber covers. The world needs a Flemish cover of "One Less Lonely Girl"!

Ok, that's enough of the pretenders. Let's watch Biebus belt out the original version of "Baby". Words can't even describe this kind of musical genius!

Kate Ryan, let's call a truce!

Don't fuck with Kate Ryan! I learned that lesson the hard way when I referenced Belgium's gift to pop music in my Adya post and was consequently flooded with irate emails telling me to sit down and shut the hell up. Are you bitches really gonna do me like that? Who else in the Southern Hemisphere devoted an entire ten minutes to reviewing the diva's iconic collection of French covers and then spent a small fortune importing it from Europe? My hard earned cash helped pay for Kate's new 'soccer mum' hairstyle! To prove, once and for all, that I have the Belgian Madonna's back, I thought I'd write a post about her new smash. Despite the damage the cover is doing to my eyesight.

Kate deserves a lot of credit for reviving her career with 2008's excellent "Free", which performed well across Europe and established the 30-year-old (*cough*) as one of the continent's leading dance divas. Hell, she even had the honour of recording not one but two duets with Spain's legendary Soraya! Expectations are understandably sky high then for her 5th studio album. So, it's unfortunate that "LoveLife" is an underwhelming experience. Before you pull out your poison pens, let me explain. Kate's last few singles ("Voyage Voyage", "Ella, elle l'a" and "Évidemment" etc) were of such a high standard, that anything less than amazing was going to be a letdown. Don't get me wrong, "LoveLife" is far from awful - in fact, I rather like the cheerfully inane lyrics and Eurotrash production - but it sounds like a reject from 2006's "Alive" and that's not good enough for a global star of this calibre.

On the bright side, I'm sure there's better material on the album and "LoveLife" will, no doubt, be another smash in her key markets of Belgium and Poland. Maybe Kate could collaborate with Kat DeLuna on her next single? She also hangs out in Brussels and has plenty of time on her hands. But I digress. The best thing about the return of Ms Ryan is the classy, big-budget video extravaganza (below), which finds the evergreen beauty walking the catwalk as a supermodel. Prepare to get hard!

Medina, Natalia Kills & Mylène Farmer

I wish I had more time to update the blog. There's so much great music to write about at the moment - it's just hard to keep on top of it when you have to do annoying things like work and study. As a result, things slip through the cracks (like my 3 months in the making Best Singles Of 2010 countdown!) but I couldn't let these three gems pass by without giving my two cents. The first diva off the rank is my old friend Medina. Denmark's improvement on Robyn has become a Pop Trash Addicts staple over the past couple of years with her morose electro-pop anthems. I love her depressing lyrics and bleak sound. While other bitches try to get the party started, Medina belts out miserable tracks like "Lonely", "Execute Me" (I'm not joking!) and her latest single "Gutter". This wouldn't have been my first choice for the 4th single from "Welcome To Medina" but the #43 German smash suits my mood and worms its way into your head after a couple of listens. I keep hoping she'll release "Sundown" - a stunning Ke$ha knock off - but this will do nicely. As usual the video is a classy affair and Medina looks stunning with her new blond hairdo. If you don't already own it, her album belongs in your collection.

Next on your must-listen list is the second single from Natalia Kills. I have to admit I was very skeptical about the woman formerly known as Verbalicious. "Mirrors" got a lot of blog love but, to be honest, I thought it was shit. Lady Gaga comparisons usually don't bother me. Every girl with structured sleeves and an asymmetrical hemline is lumped with that insult but Natalia's debut was a line for line re-work of "Just Dance" - only with a cheap video and utterly pointless lyrics. But just as I was about to jump on the NK hate train, the dark diva dropped "Wonderland" and it was love at first listen. This is more like it! Eerie sound effects, clever production and a killer chorus make "Wonderland" one of the best songs of early 2011. The disturbing video, which plays like a Hans Christian Andersen fairytale directed by Michael Haneke, is also a triumph. Like Medina, Natalia Kills is successfully focusing on the German market before making a push into the UK and America. Time will tell if it pays off but if she keeps churning out tunes of this quality, you have to think she has a good shot.

Last but definitely not least is French icon Mylène Farmer. I featured "Oui Mais Non" on the blog last year and that RedOne produced club banger went on to set sales records in France and became the stunning 49-year-old's 10th number one hit. I love that women of a certain vintage can still have hits in Europe. To underline the pop legend's popularity, her latest album has already sold 500,000 copies in her homeland alone. Those numbers would make Nicole Scherzinger's head spin! The latest single from "Bleu Noir" - another brilliant album that you need to own - is the title track. It's very different to "Oui Mais Non". This time Mylène has pared back her sound for a beautiful mid-tempo ballad. Produced by Moby, the song has a wistful quality that I love despite only being able to understand about a third of the lyrics. The video (below) is equally subtle and pretty. It will be interesting to see how the single performs in France but I've already ordered CD1 and CD2, so I'm convinced it will be another smash! I think Mylène should jump on Google translator and re-record "Bleu Noir" in English. Just for shits and giggles.

Get Caught In Tatiana's Spider Web

Tatiana is my new Euro-pop obsession. The stunning diva hails from Poland, where she is apparently quite a big deal - having fronted a popular band called Blue Café before going solo. After conquering Eastern Europe, Tats was up for a new challenge. So she packed her PVC catsuit and caught the next plane to London. Her first UK release is called "Spider Web" and it's adorable. A pretty mid-tempo pop song about holding on until the bitter end of a relationship, the original version is definitely worth a listen. However, for me, the ridiculously camp 7th Heaven remix can not be beaten.

This is cheesiest piece of trash I've heard all year and I mean that as a huge compliment. "Spider Web" now sounds like the best song never entered into Eurovision. The deliriously upbeat production overhaul works a treat, giving the lyrics new meaning and raising the chorus into the pop stratosphere. Even the video works better in its remixed form (below). Tatiana's fabulous jam is released on April 18 with an album - also called "Spider Web" - to follow shortly thereafter. I just wish I knew about her when I was in Poland last year. I would have stocked up on Tati's shit instead of wasting my cash on Doda! You live, you learn.

Ilia Darlin - Greek Goddess

I have to admit I feared for the safety of my eyes and ears when Ilia Darlin was described to me as the Greek Gaga but like Tanya, the self-proclaimed Russian Gaga, this stunning diva is so much better than that 47 year old American tranny. Where to begin with Ilia? She has been hailed the next big thing in Greece (Anna Vissi, your time is up!) and is considered a veritable style icon across the Mediterranean. Which isn't surprising given her penchant for beaded bodices and neon string bikinis! After conquering her homeland, Ilia has her sights set on the UK and plans to unleash her debut single upon unsuspecting pop fans in April.

I guess you could describe "Car Crash" as a break up song. For serial killers. Most of us stop at deleting our bad boyfriends from Facebook but Ilia takes a slightly different view, declaring "you cheat on me but can't cheat death, I'll burn you like a cigarette" before singing about disposing her lover's body in a lake. Don't mess with this bitch! It's easy to dismiss the track as a gimmick but "Car Crash" is a great pop song. Ilia's bored delivery is absolutely intoxicating and I can't get enough of that demented chorus. With different lyrics and less twisted production the song would stand a better chance at radio but I love that Ilia has taken a risk.

If you need further proof that this isn't your average diva, check out the amazing video (below). She camps it up chopping meat in a Butcher's shop, dances in a barely there leotard and scowls like she's just chugged a schooner of lemon juice. I'm in love!

Sarah Connor - Cold As Ice

I have a love/hate relationship with Sarah Connor. Her overwrought ballads (and entire "Soulicious" album) are considered crimes against humanity in most civilised nations but the German diva occasionally gets it very, very right - her desperate "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" rip off "From Zero To Hero" and top 20 Australian smash hit "Bounce" immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, the past couple of years have seen a slide in Sarah's popularity at home. Her last album was considered a failure by her lofty standards and her new single recently stalled at a disappointing #16 on the German singles chart. I blame the hideous cover because the song is the best thing Sarah has released in years. Seriously, bitch - get a nose job! Produced by Kay Denar and Rob Tyger, "Cool As Ice" is a Eurovision worthy trashfest with a killer chorus and fabulous faux RedOne production. Sarah even manages to look good in the glamorous video. Sure, it's not the most original song of 2010 but formulaic dance-pop doesn't get much better. I think it's time for Ms Connor to try her luck in Australia again. The ten fans that made "He's Unbelievable" a #77 smash back in 2004 wouldd lap this fabulous shit up!

Medina's Addictive 3rd Single

When are people (outside of Denmark and Deutschland) finally going to get correct and jump on the Medina bandwagon? The Danish pop star has released two stunning singles and a brilliant English language debut album yet continues to wither in Robyn's overhyped shadow. It's so unfair because "You & I" would have been a worldwide smash for the Swedish troll but was roundly ignored outside Germany, where it became a much deserved top 10 hit. This is like Janet and La Toya all over again! Why must the pretty, talented one always come off second best? But I digress. Medina isn't going let something as insignificant as having no hits keep her down. The striking diva recently unveiled her third single and it's another throbbing electro-pop anthem with melancholy lyrics and laser sharp production. "Addiction" isn't as epic as "You & I" or quite as devastating as "Lonely" but it's a grower. I love the drugs metaphor and she works the bleak yet still catchy chorus for all it's worth. I really don't know why Medina is always so depressed but it kind of suits her. She is the Queen of pissed-off-and-over-it electro! The Danish delight also turns it out in the video. She plays a supermodel and spends most of the clip looking sad in a glamorous kind of way. "Addiction" is released physically in Germany on the 26th of November. A deluxe two disco edition of her album "Welcome To Medina" hits stores the same day. I want!

Watch "Addiction" HERE

Sorry, I couldn't find an embeddable link.

Fabulous Fawni

Austria isn't exactly a hotbed for international pop divas but that could all change thanks to fabulous Fawni. The Viennese bombshell moved to America a couple of years ago and was rewarded with a major label deal with EMI. Since then she's been chugging along, posing for saucy Russian magazines and perfecting her sound with a little help from Max Martin's team in Stockholm. It's been worth the wait. The glamorous diva's first single was a dance hit - in a handful of former Soviet states - but Fawni is now ready to conquer the world with her amazing anthem "Ready When You Are". I love that American labels are starting to invest in this kind of music again. In the past the track would have been dismissed as Eurotrash. However, in the wake of cutting edge innovators like Ke$ha and Kaci, pure pop is a hot commodity again. And we're reaping the rewards. "Ready When You Are" could have been released in any year from 1993 to 2001 - and I mean that as a compliment. It's a burst of bright, shiny pop music with a killer chorus and a multitude of sneaky hooks. I love it and I love Fawni. My new homegirl had better film a worthy video clip. I'm picturing a trash epic with lots of glitter, nudity and disco balls. Bring it on!

EDIT: "Ready When You Are" has been removed from YouTube. However, Fawni's future smash is streaming on Myspace.

Edward Maya Hits Australia

The Romanian theme continues today with news that the nation's biggest pop star - yes, even more successful than Inna! - is gearing up for his Australian debut. Edward Maya is a phenomenon in Europe. When I was there in July his tunes were unavoidable and I brought back a bunch of his singles from France. To put it in perspective, "Stereo Love" was a top 10 hit in 16 countries and has since racked up 70 million views on YouTube. It's somewhat surprising then that he's going with the follow up in Australia. Not that it matters. "This Is My Life" stays pretty true to the "Stereo Love" formula. Vika Jigulina (love that name!) returns for vocal duties and the Balearic beats are back bigger than ever. It's a pretty irresistible combination and I can't wait to hear it blasting from the radio over summer. Fingers crossed Maya mania reaches Australia! My only complaint is the hideous new cover (above). What's wrong with the original? I do, however, appreciate the new video (below). It's a lot classier and Ed looks kinda hot in that leather jacket. All we need now are some local remixes and a physical single. Let me dream!

Inna's Latest Triumph

I love Inna. Her knack for releasing cheap and cheerful dance tunes with inane lyrics is unparalleled, while her apparent inability to wear clothing never fails to impress me. I just wish she had more success in this country. The Romanian diva's debut single got some airplay but failed to catch on and it appears her record label has thrown in the towel. It's frustrating because "Deja Vu" has summer smash written all over it. Originally released in continental Europe last year, the catchy anthem has been remixed for the UK market. I'm not a huge fan of the 2 and half minute hatchet job doubling as the UK Radio Edit but it does the trick. There's nothing particularly fresh or original about "Deja Vu" but you don't listen to Inna to expand your musical horizons. Instead you get an irritatingly catchy chorus and an onslaught of manic beats that are guaranteed to move your feet. I'm sold! And don't forget the typically high brow video (below). This time Inna prances around a yacht in a selection of sexy swimmers, while a bunch of busty beauties dance like $10 hookers in a seedy club. Romania's greatest export since... O-Zone has done it again! Keep an eye out for her album, which was just released in France and Spain. It will be mine.

Rozlyne Clarke - A Tribute

I've been meaning to write about Rozlyne Clarke since I first started this blog but I kept postponing it because I didn't know where to start. It's like trying to cover La Toya's iconic, hit filled career in one post! All of the legendary diva's stunning anthems deserve their own in depth analysis but I'm notoriously bad at keeping on track when it comes to extended features - see my failed Barbra Streisand guide or tragic Wasted Singles serial - so I've done my best to cram in everything. I just hope I can do justice to this amazing talent. So who is Rozlyne Clarke? Possibly the most fabulous Australian pop star of the 1990s. Which makes it even more of a scandal that nobody knows who the hell she is outside of France. Yes bitches, Rozlyne is the original Tina Arena! A nobody in Perth but a star in Paris (well, about 15 years ago). Let me explain.

The glamorous Sydneysider first made a name for herself in the late 80s, winning roles in hit musicals like Sugar Babies and Starlight Express. That lead to Roz being offered starring roles in Europe. It was during a performance of Cats in France that Nicolas Skorsky (a music producer) was thunderstruck by the Australian's exquisite beauty and otherworldly vocal talent. Anyway, that guy obviously knew his shit because he hired Roz to sing on a dance track he had written called "Eddy Steady Go". A camp floorfiller with indecipherable lyrics about having a three way (or is it riding on the freeway?), bizarre vocal effects not seen since the glory days of Boney M and an infectious chorus that basically consists of Rozlyne screaming "Are you ready Eddy steady go? Eddy go home!", the song shot to #1 on the French club chart and peaked at #8 on the Singles Chart. The cultural capital of the world was clearly smitten by the Australian songbird and she was called back to record an album with Skorsky. Appropriately enough, Rozlyne's debut was called "Gorgeous".

As far as 90s Eurodance albums go, "Gorgeous" is pretty hard to beat. It only has 9 tracks - 8 if you bought the original French release - but this is a case of all killer, no filler. What makes the album special is the variety. There is enough low brow Euro-fabulousness to satisfy even the most demanding trash lover but Roz also throws in some unexpected ballads and co-writes one of the campest songs I have ever heard. But more about that masterpiece later. The title track was released as the album's second single and it was another club smash and followed "Eddy Steady Go" into the French top 20. I'm not convinced by the dubious lyrics ("Wanna be the prettiest, wanna be extremely gorgeous" - LOL!) but Rozlyne's pipes are in breathtaking form and I love the production. Make sure you check out the classy video for the full "Gorgeous" experience. The hits kept coming with "Dancin' Is Like Makin' Love", which is easily my favourite (hit) single from Roz's debut. Another top 20 smash in France (peaking at #16), this catchy jam is a pure pop explosion. Again the lyrics are first class - "remote my control, use me like a toy!" - and the production sums up all that was beautiful about 90s house. It's a miracle Kate Ryan hasn't butchered this classic for her own devious purposes! Brace yourself for one of the best "live" performances ever in the history of television (below). The audio isn't synced but Rozlyne's effortless grace and fierce dance moves will leave you in a trance. This is YouTube gold!

The rest of the album is just as amazing. "Still Waiting For Your Call" is a tender ballad that reminds me of La Toya's classic "I Don't Want You To Go". If it were a showtune. Roz brings a bit of funk to the mid-tempo "Stepping Out Of Line" but goes completely hood on the urbantastic "Never Started Loving You". I think Rozlyne missed her calling as the original Fem C because her fierce rhymes put Lil' Kim to shame. "Single Again" is another floorfiller for dance fans, while "Certain Nights" is truly a ballad for the ages. Who doesn't feel the tortured diva's pain when she sings "certain nights I cry by the window, certain nights I just can't hide my sorrow"? Rozlyne was clearly robbed of an Ivor Novello award! That leaves the album's undisputed highlight. The title probably tell you everything you need to know about "Wizard Of Roz". There is some dispute as to whether it was an official single - some fans insist it was just released on 12" vinyl as a club promo - but there's no denying the song's genius. A camp, slightly bizarre and strangely touching ode to her father, "Wizard Of Roz" is an enduring trash classic that deserves a wider following. Give it a listen at the bottom of this post.

In 1993 "Eddy Steady Go" was re-released in France, becoming a hit all over again. Sadly, it was to be Rozlyne's last appearance on the French singles chart. The club hits, on the other hand, would follow for the rest of the decade. 1994 saw the release of "Giving Up, Giving In" - the same Three Degrees classic that Sheena Easton later covered on her epic "Fabulous" album. Like Sheena, Roz couldn't give her version away and she went back to the drawing board. "Take My Hand" fared considerably better the following year. A top 20 club smash, the infectious dance anthem is one of the best songs in Rozlyne's canon of hits. The production is more electronic than her earlier offerings and the chorus is an absolute monster. That was followed by the house-tastic, disco-tinged "Knockin' Me Out" (another top 20 club hit in France) later that year and the insanely catchy "I Wanna See You" in 1996. As far as I know, the latter is the only Roz anthem to be released in her homeland. There could be others but I've been looking for years and it's the only Australian CD single I've come across.

Speaking of fruitless endeavours, I've been trying to get my hands on Rozlyne's second album for over a decade. Despite her stunning success in France, "Faithful To You" was only released in Belgium and is almost impossible to find. If anyone has this treasure sitting in their collection, I would do just about anything to hear it. Someone out there must have it - I'm convinced it's lining every bargain bin in Brussels! While lesser divas would have given up, Roz went on to score three more French dance hits. "I Need You" reached #20 on the club chart in 1996, while "Ecoute Bien Ces Mots" went all the way to #4. Unfortunately, neither crossed over to the mainstream and Rozlyne released her last single "Quel Tempérament De Feu/I'm On Fire" in 1997. Fittingly it became a top 20 club hit in France. I guess that leaves us with the question - where is she now? And the answer is a happy one. Roz got married and moved back to Australia. I believe she's now a professional make-up artist and just as gorgeous as ever. I'm happy the Queen of French clubs has found her calling but I really wish she would come out of retirement. At least on a part time basis. After all, she's only 42 - a month younger than Kylie - and the diva's amazing Hi-NRG sound is as timeless as her beauty. Rozlyne, we miss you!

My favourite Roz anthem

Azerbaijani Ho Jacks Beyoncé's Swagga

Don't get me wrong. I'm down with Safura. Girlfriend owned Eurovision 2010 and her stunning debut "Drip Drop" was a deserved #181 UK smash hit. Hell, I even spent 20 Euros importing her (rather fabulous) album from Germany. But no one - and I repeat, no one - FUCKS with Queen B! I can't believe the pride of Azerbaijan had the audacity to go all Sasha Fierce in her new video. Who does she think she is? Ninel Conde? Honestly, "March On" re-defines the term hot mess. Safura proves without a doubt that she's currently the worst dancer in pop music (Robyn just breathed a sigh of relief) and the Beyoncé thievery that begins at the 1:20 minute mark is car crash viewing at its best. Or worst - depending on your tolerance for comedy. I love how she's not only ripped off the choreography from "Diva" but also managed to hunt down Bey's costume on eBay. Well played, Safura! All sarcasm aside, "March On" is actually a good song and deserves to scrape into the top 100 on some random chart. Bring on her much hyped (by Azerbaijani gays) collaboration with Colby O'Donis!

Barb@zul & The Video Of The Year

Spain's hottest bear band is back with another stunning pop triumph! Like most of my favourite songs from 2009, Barb@zul's last single "Siente El Orgullo" featured on the Pop Panel and got slaughtered. I never understood the hate. José and Lázaro are more than a gimmick. They make great pop music and fun videos. It's just an added bonus that I want to be in the middle of a Barb@zul sandwich! Anyway, their latest anthem should continue to win over new fans. "I Don't Care" finds the band in a plaintive mood. The sound remains the same - think Depeche Mode meets Bronksi Beat by way of Ibiza - but the mood is darker and the lyrics are now sung in English. And then, there's the amazing video clip. Barb@zul's cinematic masterpiece is apparently based on a true story and tells the saucy tale of love and loss between two gay footballers. I'm completely obsessed - imagine Home & Away but with hot soccer playing Spaniards! The best thing about "I Don't Care" is the invaluable insight into Spanish culture. Here is what I learned from watching this video (a dozen times in the last hour):

1. Spanish homosexuals have great ball skills.
2. The guy who plays Juan is my future husband.
3. Tracksuits are fashionable in Spain.
4. Romance is alive and well in Barcelona.
5. Zuma de naranja is cheaper than water in gay cafes.
6. All Spanish footballers kiss their gay lovers during practice.
7. Don't fuck with a Spanish gay. Poor Juan gets dumped for simply touching another man. It could have been his brother!
8. Bright orange wallpaper is socially acceptable among Spanish bears.
9. The scene at 3:25 minutes needs to be re-made as a porno.
10. Spanish referees will give a yellow card for anything.

"I Don't Care" is about to be released in Spain. The song will appear on Barb@zul's forthcoming album. Check their Myspace for more details.

The Return Of Europe's 2nd Best Girlband!

Some of you might remember Jameerah from my 'Best Singles of 2009' countdown. I absolutely fell in love with them and ranked their debut "All Eyes On Me" the 78th best pop song of last year. As the world's first pan-European girlband - comprised of glamour models from Belgium, Germany and Holland - you would think that world domination was a forgone conclusion. Unfortunately, the track flopped worse than Kelly Llorenna's last dozen singles put together. It could have something to do with their complete and utter lack of talent but that never stopped Girls Aloud. Happily, the ladies are still planning to release that stunning anthem in America later this year but they're already gearing up for the release of the follow up in Belgium. I thought "All Eyes On Me" would be impossible to top but "Stickup" takes things to the next level. This is an all out pop trash explosion! There's a freakishly catchy (and completely non-sensical) chorus, amazing imitation RedOne production and some of the worst/best lyrics ever recorded. I particularly love rhyming "info" with "nympho"! And the video (below) has to be seen to be believed. Jameerah's breathtaking inability to perform even the most straightforward choreography is admirably showcased - that is when they're not molesting an incredibly hot male model or rolling around in their underwear. If these stunners keep this up they could overtake Las Supremas de Móstoles as my favourite European girlband. An album please!