Soraya's Latest Triumph

Soraya has cemented her status as Europe's leading vocalist by dressing up as James Brown - complete with brown face - and covering "I Feel Good" on Spanish TV. Her version is so much better than the original. Is there anything this woman can't do? From coming 23rd at Eurovision to scoring a number 89 airplay hit in Russia, the pride of Extremadura has experienced more success in the past two years than your fave will in a life time! One question though. Where is the fucking "Stick Shift" video? And why have there been no further singles from "Dreamer"? I think the answer is clear. Soraya is simply too sexy for the European Union and conservative politicians have conspired to derail her triumphant career. The time has come for the pop legend to spread her wings and move to Australia where her talent will be appreciated. But maybe leave the brown paint in Spain. And hurry up and release "I Got You" or "Twilight" as a single!

Soraya Reloaded!

I feel like such a bad fan for taking so long to post this information but Europe's most beautiful and talented pop diva, the legendary Soraya Arnelas is about to re-release "Dreamer". I'm a bit shocked because I thought the original album had so many great songs that could have been hit singles - particularly "I Got You" and "Twilight" - but I'm not complaining. The package looks great and I'm always excited to add something new to my Soraya collection. "Reloaded" includes the dance icon's new worldwide smash "Stick Shift" as well as remixes of "Dreamer" and "Give You Up". I haven't been able to find the release date yet but I'm sure one of my Spanish gays will let us know. Fingers crossed there's a stunning club tour of Chueca to promote the album. I would be on the next plane!

Here's the tracklist:

1. Dreamer
2. Failing me (Runaway)
3. Give you up Soraya Feat. Juan Magan
4. Ticking all the boxes
5. I got you
6. You've got the music
7. Electric girl Feat. Bedük
8. Twilight
9. Live your dreams Feat. Antoine Clamaran
10. In my blood
11. Close to me Feat. Wally López
12. Stick Shift (Radio edit) Feat. Antoine Clamaran
13. Give you up (David Campoy Remix) Feat. Juan Magan
14. Give you up (Victor Magan Remix) Feat. Juan Magan
15. Live your dreams (Albert Neve Main Remix)
16. Dreamer (Brian Cross Remix)
17. Dreamer (John Shelvin Remix)

While we wait for the "Stick Shift" video to drop, let's revisit one of the defining moments in Soraya's career (below).

Soraya's New Single!

Legendary Spanish beauty Soraya Arnelas is back with an amazing new single. I know it's hard to read through those tears of joy but try to compose yourself! "Stick Shift" is another collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran, the mastermind behind her international dance smash "Live Your Dreams". I love the song but does this mean no more singles are being released from "Dreamer"? My heart just broke into a million pieces. Oh well, maybe this is only a side project to further cement Soraya's reputation as Europe's leading dance diva. The song is already a top 20 smash on the French club chart - so mission accomplished!

The pride of Extremadura has outdone herself this time. "Stick Shift" is easily the campest piece of music she has recorded since... well, her entire "Dolce Vita" album. It's a cheesy explosion of 80s infused Euro-dance that reminds me a bit of The Pointer Sisters. If they went electro and moved to Gran Canaria. French DJs (Junior Caldera and David Vendetta spring to mind) have a knack for churning out this kind of shameless fun and Antoine has found the perfect muse in Soraya. Take the diabolical lyrics about riding stick shifts and drink driving. In a less fabulous singer's hands, this could have been a complete mess but Spain's greatest non-porn export gets away with it through sheer charm and charisma. She brings the song to life with her glorious vocals and ability to walk the fine line between sexy and sleazy.

I actually prefer "Stick Shift" to "Live Your Dreams" and hope it's huge. Now all team Arnelas has to do is release a physical single - please! - and make sure Antoine doesn't try to steal Soraya's spotlight in the soon to be released video. I still haven't forgiven him for last time! Until that drops, give the pop icon's new single a listen below.

Barb@zul & The Video Of The Year (Part 2)

Last April I posted Barb@zul's brilliant "I Don't Care" and loudly declared it the video of the year. By the close of 2010 a couple of other clips had edged in front of it but their gay soccer romance remains one of my all time favourites. For so many reasons. Well, my future husbands José and Lázaro have finally delivered the sequel. You might remember that the first installment ended in a major cliffhanger. Basically, Laz and Juan were in the midst of a romance straight out of Mills & Boon. They met on the soccer field - as most gays do - and then started dating. You could tell that marriage and adopted children from Kazakhstan were just around the corner but horny Juan put his paws all over another man and Laz went "hell, no!" and cut that bitch. It was as heartbreaking as it was dramatic and completely realistic. So now, after 10 long months, we finally get to see what happens next in the band's latest clip "Midnight In Berlin". And it has totally been worth the wait!

If you don't want me to ruin the ending stop reading now. Just know that Part 2 is full of more twists, turns and darkrooms than a Mexican telenovela! Yes, it's really that amazing. Where to start? Firstly, don't fuck with a Spanish gay. Juan tries to apologise but Laz gets his bitch on and says he's going to Berlin. Which, coincidentally, is my favourite city in the world - although I am yet to set foot in Huesca. Once in the German capital, Laz walks around looking miserable. Naturally, he ends up at a gay bar being hit on by a bear but decides against it and plays soccer instead. Meanwhile Juan hits town and heads straight to the club. And then the darkroom. Some gays have no time to waste. This is where I get confused and need some assistance from my Spanish gays. Laz sees Juan in a porno mag, realises he's Spain's biggest porn star and they reunite? No? Whatever. This is stunning and the song itself is brilliant. José's pipes are in fine form and I love the Depeche Mode via Gran Canaria production.

So do we get a part 3 or at least a porn version next? I have needs...

Soraya's Dreamer Video

My heart bleeds for Madonna and Lady Gaga. Those sad flops might as well throw in towel now because their careers are over. From the first second of "Dreamer" it is blindingly obvious that pop music has a new queen. Dry your eyes, trolls and monsters. We all have fond memories of retro hits like "Hung Up" and "Poker Face" but it's time to embrace the future. And let's face it, who wants to look at a wrinkled old prune when you could be feasting your eyes on the legendary beauty of Soraya Arnelas! The exquisite Spanish diva takes things to the next level on her latest video. She obviously saw Natalie Gauci's version of "Dreamer", pissed herself laughing and thought bitch, please. Her clip oozes style, class and elegance. It also displays Soraya's commitment to the environment by recycling the costumes and concept of Kylie's heinous "Get Outta My Way" video. The gold bodice is there, so is the random stair case and epilepsy inducing lighting. Amazingly, it actually works this time around. My beautiful angel dances up a storm, wears a wig that clearly fell off the head of a homeless drag queen and unleashes some of the most expensive (Spanish) special effects ever captured on film! "Dreamer" is obviously the best video of 2011 and should be another international smash for Soraya. Her time is now!

I can't embed the video, so click here and be amazed by the Spanish siren's stunning video.

Soraya's Dreamer - Pop Trash Review

Sorry for being MIA for the past couple of weeks but this month has been a bigger bitch than Cheryl Cole at a Black Pride rally. I know it's the time of year when I should be putting together my 'best of 2010' countdowns - and they will follow in the next few days - but before all that, there's one last post I need to write. A post that's been on my mind since late September when Spanish pop goddess/musical genius Soraya dropped her 5th studio album. Even the most casual reader of this blog knows how much I worship Europe's gift to the world. I ranked her last album the equal best of 2008, I wrote her an open letter after she was brutally denied Eurovision glory for being too beautiful and talented for that fraudulent competition and I almost died when she hit me up on Twitter. Needless to say, new material from Soraya is a cause for celebration and it's high time I reviewed her latest genre defining pop masterpiece.

"Dreamer" picks up where "Sin Miedo" left off. It's an explosion of thumping dance music with a heavy sprinkling of catchy Europop to keep radio and Chueca happy. It's perhaps a little more club-centric than her last stunning opus but the only real difference is that she's chosen to sing in English - the first time since her delicious duo of 80s covers albums. The gamble appears to have paid off. "Live Your Dreams", the album's first single, has been a smash in Europe - bringing Soraya chart glory in important world markets like Poland and Ukraine. And I'm convinced the hits will continue to flow as the world falls under the spell of Spain's greatest musical export since Las Supremas de Móstoles. Here is my track by track review of "Dreamer":

Dreamer

I've already blogged about the album's catchy title track and slated second single. "Dreamer" was written by Australian Idol flop Natalie Gauci but - as far as I can tell - recorded by Soraya first. Poor, desperate Natalie obviously heard how glorious our queen's version sounded and decided to release it herself. Annoyingly, her version has become a big dance hit in Australia and now every time I'm in a club I'm tortured by it. Sometimes life just isn't fair! On the bright side, Natalie is a complete nobody - so it shouldn't impact on Soraya's release outside of Australia. "Dreamer" is a slick dance track with killer beats and a catchy chorus but I think there are much better songs on the album. Not that it matters. As soon as Soraya releases a sexy video for the song, I'm sure it will go straight to #1 in every country with a gay club!

Failing Me (Runaway)

Continuing the theme of singing amazing songs written by flop divas, "Failing Me (Runaway)" was written by British singer-songwriter Lucie Silvas. She actually had a great album called "Breathe In"... I wonder if anyone else remembers her. But I digress. This is another floorfiller with a slightly softer edge than "Dreamer". It's very pretty and reminds me of vintage Sash! It's about time someone revived early noughties trance and Soraya is just the diva to do it. I love the chorus and the song showcases her radically improved English. My only problem with the track is the unrealistic lyrical content. It's a statistically proven fact that Soraya is the most glamorous woman on earth - so who would ever cheat on her? It's like Marta Sanchez singing a song about being a 15 year old virgin.

Give You Up

Soraya really has turned her attention to the dancefloor this time around. Her collaboration with Spanish DJ/producer Juan Magan moves the stunning diva into Inna's Hi-NRG dance territory. Only with more autotune than Ke$ha and the year's least convincing rap. In other words, it's completely amazing and I love every second! It's official. Dannii has finally been replaced as the Queen of clubs!

Ticking All The Boxes

After a string of dance anthems, Soraya decides to revolutionise pop music as we know it with a trio of heavenly tunes that any world class diva would be proud to call their own. "Ticking All The Boxes" is a bit of a throwback to "Sin Miedo" - an instantly memorable chorus shines against a hot and sticky web of synths. I love the random la la las and the fact that something clearly got lost in translation. I'm not sure if this song is about doing the Sunday crossword or finding a man. And I don't give a fuck. Soraya is too fabulous for anything as boring and menial as lyrics that make sense! This is cute, catchy and captures the diva's effortless charisma perfectly.

I Got You

And the award for the best song on "Dreamer" goes to "I Got You". This is the musical equivalent of ecstasy in the 90s. You know, when it actually worked. One listen to this gloriously cheesy burst of Eurotastic synthpop will raise your serotonin to dangerously high levels and leave you smiling like The Joker after getting a blow job from Batman. I love everything about this. The fabulously retro production that sounds like something Ace Of Base released in 1997, Soraya's euphoric vocal and the Eurovision ready chorus. She should totally enter "I Got You" next year and get her revenge on the sad haters that ranked her second last! Trust me, every bitch in Europe will be saying "Lena who?"

You've Got The Music

Oh the piano intro is a nice touch. I like a bit of chillaxed Soy Soy. It makes it even more exciting when the beats start pumping. Actually, this is quite a deep dancefloor anthem. Lyrics like "You're feeling so rough inside" will speak volumes to fans as they hear this leaving the club at 10am. Soraya is so in touch with the gays! In all seriousness, this is a genuinely uplifting floorfiller about losing yourself in the music. It's been done before - 178 times by Kylie alone - but the production is polished and the diva's powerful pipes shine through. I want to hear a really cool remix.

Electric Girl

Soraya goes electro on this fun duet with Turkish pop star Bedük. It's a bit repetitive and the lyrics leave something to be desired - hearing "electric girl in an electric world" ten times in a row does get a bit annoying but it's interesting to hear Soraya experiment with different sub-genres of dance music. I don't think her future lies in this Uffie-if-she-could-sing-and-wasn't-totally-shit sound but it breaks the album up and makes the following pop explosion all the more exquisite.

Twilight

Who knew Soraya was a Twihard? This gorgeous pop tune is the 2010 equivalent of Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights" - a cute and catchy musical adaptation of classic piece of literature! In this case, the Spanish pop deity channels Bella from Stephenie Meyer's vampire novels. Classy lyrics "before I reach immortality, I gotta know - will you stay with me?" make this an instant pop trash classic and a close second to "I Got You" as my favourite song on the album. The production is a dreamy delight and I love the pretty chorus. I just want to know if Soraya is team Edward or Jacob. I bet she has a vibrator called Mr Cullen!

Live Your Dreams

I don't know what's left to say about Soraya's stunning international smash hit "Live Your Dreams". Eminem's "Love The Way You Lie" was apparently the biggest selling single of 2010 but I think there was a mistake. Was that depressing duet a #51 smash in Belgium? Probably but it doesn't matter. This is clearly one of the biggest songs of the year (in gay bars) and even managed to be successful despite Antoine Clamaran trying to steal Soraya's thunder in the video (below). He needs to stop pretending to be David Guetta and let the real star shine! Finding a physical copy of this legendary dance anthem in a French CD store was so exciting. I love that the world is finally discovering the true queen of pop! Time to release it in Australia.

In My Blood

Soraya must really love those vampire books because the blood metaphors keep coming. This album highlight has a bit of a harder edge than songs like "I Got You" and "Twilight" but the move towards electro works a lot better this time around. The dark and atmospheric beats provide the perfect backdrop for the diva's soft vocals. I'm not sure about the male backing singer shouting "blood!" but, otherwise, it's pretty hard to fault. This is a world class pop tune - sleek, sexy and instantly catchy. Soraya really has come a long way from this!

Close To Me

The last track on my copy of the album - there are bonus remixes on iTunes - is a 7 minute dance anthem courtesy of Spanish DJ Wally Lopez. I was expecting another upbeat number but "Close To Me" is something akin to slow disco. Think Kylie's "I Believe In You" - only with Balearic beats and a sample that sounds like an out of tune violin. Some fans hate this but I think it's amazing and want to hear it while I'm drinking Vina Sol, watching the sunset at Cafe Del Mar. A brilliant close to a career making album.

10/10

A Tweet From Soraya

My world changed forever last night when I logged into Twitter and read the most glorious tweet ever composed:

ey Mike!!!!nice to meet you!!!lots of kisses!!!

I still can't believe Soraya hit me up. It's like receiving an email from Jesus or a text from Ami Suzuki! I really feel I've moved a step closer to fulfilling my destiny of becoming the Spanish beauty's new BFF. It's only a matter of time before we're sharing a bottle of Beso Extremeño at her local Vips.

Stay tuned for the next phase of our blossoming romance by following me on Twitter!

Beyoncé - Irreemplazable

One of my favourite things about Beyoncé is her unprecedented ability to milk an album. Think about "Sasha Fierce" - four or five re-releases, a live CD, a live DVD, 9 singles and a compilation of remixes. The situation was pretty similar with "B'Day". Australia only got 3 singles and a tour edition but the rest of the world was blessed with 8 singles as well as a seemingly endless string of re-issues and what is probably my all time favourite Beyoncé collectible. "Irreemplazable" was released in late 2007 in a bid to crack the lucrative South American market. I'm not sure if the EP had the desired effect but I adore every second of it. The Spanish versions of "Listen", "Irreplaceable" and "Beautiful Liar" are uniformly fabulous and I'm addicted to the trashy reggaeton remix of "Get Me Bodied". However, one track stands head and shoulders above the rest. The Norteña remix of "Irreemplazable" would easily feature in my Beyoncé top 10, probably my top 5. And I can't explain why. I didn't know Norteña was a musical genre (from Mexico characterised by accordions and the bajo sexto) before this song and "Irreplaceable" doesn't even do it for me in English. The appeal probably lies in its novelty - Chola Bey makes a once in a career appearance - and the fact that it vaguely reminds me of the calypso explosion from the 1980s. Think La Toya's "On A Night Like This" and every second song Audrey Landers released between 1983 and 1987. To me this is the musical equivalent of a boozy afternoon in the summer sun. Interpret that as you will! Anyway, prepare yourself for Mexican Beyoncé - you just might like it.

Barb@zul & The Video Of The Year

Spain's hottest bear band is back with another stunning pop triumph! Like most of my favourite songs from 2009, Barb@zul's last single "Siente El Orgullo" featured on the Pop Panel and got slaughtered. I never understood the hate. José and Lázaro are more than a gimmick. They make great pop music and fun videos. It's just an added bonus that I want to be in the middle of a Barb@zul sandwich! Anyway, their latest anthem should continue to win over new fans. "I Don't Care" finds the band in a plaintive mood. The sound remains the same - think Depeche Mode meets Bronksi Beat by way of Ibiza - but the mood is darker and the lyrics are now sung in English. And then, there's the amazing video clip. Barb@zul's cinematic masterpiece is apparently based on a true story and tells the saucy tale of love and loss between two gay footballers. I'm completely obsessed - imagine Home & Away but with hot soccer playing Spaniards! The best thing about "I Don't Care" is the invaluable insight into Spanish culture. Here is what I learned from watching this video (a dozen times in the last hour):

1. Spanish homosexuals have great ball skills.
2. The guy who plays Juan is my future husband.
3. Tracksuits are fashionable in Spain.
4. Romance is alive and well in Barcelona.
5. Zuma de naranja is cheaper than water in gay cafes.
6. All Spanish footballers kiss their gay lovers during practice.
7. Don't fuck with a Spanish gay. Poor Juan gets dumped for simply touching another man. It could have been his brother!
8. Bright orange wallpaper is socially acceptable among Spanish bears.
9. The scene at 3:25 minutes needs to be re-made as a porno.
10. Spanish referees will give a yellow card for anything.

"I Don't Care" is about to be released in Spain. The song will appear on Barb@zul's forthcoming album. Check their Myspace for more details.

The Return Of Soraya

Soraya is back! About a month ago I mentioned that Spain's Queen of pop had somehow found the time to collaborate with French DJ Antoine Clamaran on a new song despite her hectic schedule of nude photoshoots and Mónica Naranjo tribute shows. Well, Soy Soy's stunning anthem has finally hit the net and it's even more amazing than I expected! "Live Your Dreams" is a brilliant burst of Hi-NRG pop that cements the diva's status as Europe's greatest talent. Of all time. I have to admit that I usually prefer to hear Soraya sing in Spanish but her English has improved beyond recognition since 2007's "Dolce Vita". She sounds fabulous and Antoine's uplifting beats provide the perfect backdrop for her impressive pipes. My only gripe is the cover. Why is the toast of Extremadura posing like a crazy woman? And what the fuck is she wearing? Seriously, even Kate Ryan would draw the line at this shit! Oh well, you can't have everything. Unfortunately, there is no video as yet and knowing Soraya - there probably won't be one, so check out the song below. I predict that "Live Your Dreams" is going to be massive (in Gran Canaria)!