Cascada shows off her two biggest hits!

I've had a lot of emails about the lack of posts. Sorry, I should have told you guys but I'm currently on tour in Los Angeles, so I haven't had time for updates but I'm back online now and couldn't resist posting this exquisite image. Yes, it's the child-bearing hipped queen of Hi-NRG herself, Natalie Horler, getting her tits out for German Playboy to promote Cascada's new album. I personally think this is a great idea. The millions of people who bought butch anthems like "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Night Nurse" were clearly red blooded heterosexuals... oh wait. Damn. On the bright side, the German dance diva has opened the door for a career in porn if the band's latest masterpiece fails to sell. I couldn't love her any more right now.

Cascada is back!

A couple of days ago I wrote a post about Havana Brown, calling her the Australian Cascada. Well, the real deal is back with a new single to put the pretenders in check! Or at least try to. My love/hate relationship with the German trio isn't exactly a secret. They have churned out some truly rancid shit over the years but I love Natalie's child-bearing hips and they occasionally get it oh so right. See "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Pyromania". While I don't think "San Francisco" is quite in that league, it is a nice change of pace for the group. The third single from their soon-to-be-released 4th studio album (second if you overlook the scrapped trainwreck that was "Night Nurse"), Cascada's ode to the gayest city in the world is a cheerfully inoffensive pop jam that takes the bpm down a couple of notches. I like the inane chorus and think there's something admirably 90s about the whole project. The video is also typically cheesy Cascada fare that finds Natalie channelling her inner hippy. That fabulous bitch has always looked like her pill just kicked in, so it's not much of a stretch. But that fringed leather jacket was always a no. Oh and for the record, Havana does it better.

Havana Brown - Australia's Cascada!

Havana Brown is Australia's most famous DJ. She has her own mega-successful compilation series called "Crave" and has warmed up crowds for the likes of Rihanna, Britney and Lady Gaga. But most of all she's known for being really, really hot. So it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that Universal took a punt and dragged her into the studio to record her own song. The result is "We Run The Night" - a frenetic dance anthem that is already a top 5 iTunes smash. Havana has never been a musical snob (she memorably put Color Me Badd on one of her comps!) and stays true to her commercial club roots on her debut. "We Run The Night" is a total 90s throwback with a huge chorus and a trance-tastic twist that will have you hunting for glowsticks. It's amazing and makes Cascada completely redundant. Poor Natalie is probably crying hysterically somewhere in Bavaria while trying to finish her third Double Down! I'm really excited that music like this is being made in Australia and hope the soon-to-be-released video pushes the song even higher up the charts. Until then, check out Havana's stunning pop triumph below.

Pop Panel 3 - Week 3

Welcome to the most surreal Pop Panel yet. This week's selection includes songs from an Asian girlband, a tranny, one of Sweden's biggest stars and the owner of Germany's most famous child bearing hips. And then there's our winner. I really don't know what to say. Our third place getter was clearly ROBBED but I'm too amused by the outcome to be outraged. Only on Pop Trash Addicts! As much as I enjoyed the bitching and shock voting, this week was all about our celebrity guest judge. We've been blessed by the presence of a beautiful orange angel but more about her later. I should also reveal that I've implemented a small change this week by reducing the number of songs to seven after complaints that Pop Panel takes longer to read than War and Peace. Let me know what you think - if I should reduce the number of songs further or keep it as is. Anyway, time to get on with it. The Panel is comprised of the following bitches bloggers:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

And then there's our special celebrity guest - the one and only Kelly Llorenna! This is such an honour. I've been obsessed with the golden goddess of pop since I first heard "Set You Free" in the 90s. She is a true legend and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of dealing with. K Lo is still busy working on her Freak Asylum project with Love To Infinity but hopefully we'll be hearing something new before the end of the year. I'll update you as soon as there is any news regarding a release date. In the meantime, read my interview with the original Queen of Clubs and check out her iconic improvement of Madonna's "Dress You Up" (below).

As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Cascada – Night Nurse (Video)

Natalie & Co return with another Hi-NRG anthem.

D'Luv: Cascada's 17th attempt at remaking "Poker Face" comes close, but no cigar. At least this video had a budget of 30 euros. 2/5
J-Step: Fucking stupid song! Honestly, I go from liking Cascada to being a hater with each single release. Needless to say, I'm back on team hater. 2/5
Kelly Llorenna: Disappointed with this. Prefer when they are doing more uptempo stuff like "Evacuate the Dancefloor" etc. This just seems very weak compared to the fab pop tracks they have had out in the past... not really feeling the video either. They have done some great vids in the past but this is not one of my faves. I give it 2/5.
Mike: Poor Natalie looks like a plus sized Oompa Loompa in the video but this is entirely acceptable dance trash. Bring on the Yanou Candlelight Mix! 2.5/5
Robpop: An epic titanic shit track of leviathan proportions. 0/5
The Prophet: Why are these floptastic failures still releasing music? Ugh. I give this song some credit though because it's not as in-your-face HI-NRG as the rest of their stuff, and I respect them for slightly toning down their sound and trying something slightly different for a change. It's just a shame the song is so boring. 2/5
Total: 11/30

Alesha Dixon - Radio (Video)

2nd single from Alesha's forthcoming album.

D'Luv: I love how, to break Alesha in America, they have a total white trash couple fighting in a trailer in the video. It's like the "Love The Way You Lie" clip on a shoestring budget and with actors who actually suck worse than Megan Fox. It'll probably work, and this song will be a smash! 2/5
J-Step: Oh, Jesus, I thought Cascada was bad!!! Alesha attempting a ballad is so much worse than Cascada vomiting up and eating the same song for 10 years! 0.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I was disappointed with this after loving the first single "Drummer Boy" off the new album and the video too. A bit "middle of the road" ballad for miss Dixon. She looks great as usual in the video but not as strong as her other stuff. Shame! As I do like her... I give it 3/5.
Mike: "Radio" sounds like something Ryan Tedder spewed out in 5 minutes between ads while watching the Antiques Roadshow but I kind of like it. Just a shame it was wasted on a talent free zone like Alesha. 3/5
Robpop: If the Cascada track was a Titanic mess, then this is its sister ship, the rms olympic which stayed the course as a ship and was eventually retired. In other words, this is okay but nothing outstanding. It manages to keep its course as an average listenable tune but will ultimately find itself retired into the sunset of the ether. 2/5
The Prophet: When is Alesha DICKson going to realise nobody cares about her solo career? An epic fail at ripping of Queen Robyn on this song. Ew. 0/5
Total: 11/30

Darin - Lovekiller (below)

Swedish pop star dusts off new single.

D'Luv: The appeal of this guy has escaped me for the large part of his career, though I like a few of his songs. This one's pretty exceptional. Just a really good, non-conventional ballad. 4/5
J-Step: If this really is Sweden's 'King of Pop' then they're in dire need of some new talent. This song (worst metaphor EVER) is almost laughable. When the hell are you supposed to pump this out of your speakers? Mine have just given me a strongly worded warning featuring many expletives that if I even think about doing it again they're going to incinerate themselves. 1/5
Kelly Llorenna: Always love videos which start as a feature film. It took a few plays for me to get into this but kind of like it. I don't really know a lot about this guy but he seems to be doing something right. Nice voice too. I think there are bigger songs to come from him yet. The song is ok but easily forgotten. The bit in the video where they are in the church with black eyes freaked me out! lol! 3/5
Mike: And the award for the most heavy handed and depressing metaphor in recent pop history goes to Darin. This made me want to take a warm bath with a sharp razor. The thing is - I kind of love how over the top it is and will probably play "Lovekiller" on the repeat when I'm old, alone and living in a rundown caravan park with 30 cats. 3.5/5
Robpop: Oh there are those strings again. 2 points already. By the time of chorus kicks in, you could imagine this being sung by Jordin Sparks. Not that that's entirely a bad thing but it is totally void of character and emotion. As a stand alone song I feel this is actually the best of the bunch this week but there is absolutely emotion or soul in it. Leaves me numb. 3/5
The Prophet: Darin is only relevant when he's performing with the LEGENDARY Kat DeLuna. Flop. 0/5
Total: 14.5/30

Girls' Generation - Hoot (Video)

Korean girlband unveils latest smash.

D'Luv: Great. So a pack of Korean strippers got ahold of daddy's Platinum Visa card, Mapquested their way to Victoria's Secret and now think they're Girls Aloud. They've actually got 50 times more charisma than Girls Aloud, but this is still boring as fuck. 1/5
J-Step: They're no BoA! Catchy chorus, though. And I love the clip! 3/5
Kelly Llorenna: Wasn't sure what to expect from this girlband as I had never heard anything about them but was pleasantly surprised!! Very catchy pop song which reminded me of something Girls Aloud would do. Really liked the video too... very poppy and couldn't stop singing it all day lol. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how many where in the band!? lol! I give it 4/5.
Mike: If the Wonder Girls are Asia's answer to Destiny's Child, then I guess that makes Girls Generation the Korean Shakaya. 1/5
Robpop: Reasonably okay pop from Girls Generation. A bit too tedious and lukewarm for me. It kinda sounds like an S Club 8 b-side. 3/5
The Prophet: These girls never fail to have the best and catchiest hooks on all their stunning hits. "Hoot" is no "Gee" but it's still amazing, nonetheless. 5/5
Total: 17/30

Slash feat. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous (Video)

Ex-Guns N Roses guitarist gets fergalicious.

D'Luv: No. 0/5
J-Step: Hot song, hot video = HOT, HOT, HOT!!! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: Love it, love it. love it!!! My fave out of all the reviews. I am a massive fan of Slash and Fergie. This rocks!!! This is one of them tracks I wish I had done!!! lol! Slash's guitar licks and Fergie's bad ass voice!!! Winning formula!!! And the video!!! Wow!!! And the best butt award goes to? Wow she looks amazing!!! My fave!!! 5/5
Mike: Absolutely stunning. This was never going to be a hit but I love everything about it. The Dutchess shows P!nk how a real rock chick rolls! And as much as it pains me to admit, I agree with The Prophet. Fergie needs to take a holiday from the Peas and do her own thing. Someone needs to put the pretenders in check. 5/5
Robpop: Crap.0/5
The Prophet: Fergie just SNATCHED AND SLAYED your faves! Stay mad! She needs to fuck off this electro shit with the Black Eyed PEA BRAINS and start work on her own ROCK album. 5/5
Total: 19/30

Peppermint – Let U have It (Video)

New York's hottest tranny gets sexy.

D'Luv: This is what Hell sounds like, as produced by C+C Music Factory. 5/5
J-Step: I prefer spearmint, bitch. Leave the yelling to Kelis. Keep the guy, though! 2.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I feel a RuPaul vibe here! The song reminds me of a Britney track. The song is slightly weak for me but the video makes up for it as it's very glam and sexy. I couldn't remember the song...but I could tell you all about the video! lol! I give it 2/5 for song, 4/5 for video.
Mike: Ultra Nate called and wants her "Automatic" video back but I can't hate on Peppermint despite her ruthless swagga jacking. Any diva that spends her entire video groping a naked man is ok by me and I love that the song sounds like an En Vogue B-side from 1992. 5/5
Robpop: When I heard Naomi Campbell was releasing an album with Lenny Kravitz back in the heady days of the 1990's I thought she'd put out something like this. Despite being a tiny bit dated, this is not bad. Not overly brilliant. But good. 2.5/5
The Prophet: It's no "Tranny in the House" but it's still epically defining. I just wanna EAT that guys ASS like I'm MUNCHING on a giant slice of WATERMELON! Is that too vulgar? Whatever. 4.5/5
Total: 21.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Susan Boyle – Perfect Day (below)

Susie covers Lou Reed.

D'Luv: I'd fuck her. 5/5
J-Step: Surprisingly enough, I like this. Anyone else see the parallels with Vanessa Amorosi's "Perfect"? Both in the name and video's sweeping pan shots... haha, love it! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: After seeing her on Piers Morgan, I actually really like her now. I still prefer Lou Reed's version but this is not bad... got a Christmas vibe going on with the choir and bells and chimes in the background! lol. It reminds me of something Cliff Richard would bring out (as he normally does) for Christmas... I give it 2.5/5.
Mike: The arrangement is cute in a vomit inducing kind of way and there's no denying Susie's hypnotic sex appeal but I wish K Lo had recorded a stunning Hi-NRG cover version instead. "Perfect Day" needs Kelly's powerhouse vocals and legendary golden glow! Maybe next year? 3.5/5
Robpop: Actually, this is a beautiful arrangement. For sure, I have "issues" with the cover and the singer but putting those prejudices aside this is actually a rather stunning version. I like the way they've brought in strings. Something of which I have a huge weak spot for. Respect goes to covers which have re-worked it and brought out different aspects, narratives and emotions that weren't really there originally. 5/5
The Prophet: I LOVE Auntie Susie! I know Susie's turned this classic into an English Church hymn but I don't care. I even bought this single legally on iTunes. That Susie reign just won't let up! 5/5
Total: 25/30

Daruso - Interview & Video

It's been at least a week since Cascada released their last genre defining masterpiece, so - like me - you're probably gagging for a Hi-NRG dance fix. Happily a new act from England has stepped in to fill the breach left by Natalie's child bearing hips. Daruso were recently signed to 3 Beat Blue (the thinking man's AATW) and are comprised of vocalist Jess Russo as well as producers Julian Gingell & Barry Stone. The latter are better known as Jewels & Stone and have worked with everyone from lovely Kylie right through to Ratshit Stevens. That should be enough to grab your interest but if you're still not convinced check out their hot new single "Since You Been Gone" (below). All you need to know is that it's not a Kelly Clarkson cover and would sound pretty fucking amazing in a club! Daruso's glamorous frontwoman kindly took the time to answer some of my probing questions, so check out what she has to say about working with Jewels & Stone and those Cascada comparisons.

Hey Jess, what did you get up to before joining Daruso?
Musically I've been performing since I was really young and experimented with a variety of styles - I was mainly performing jazz and blues though locally and around London and trying to get into the songwriting side of things. Quite a bit different from Daruso!

How did you hook up with Jewels & Stone? Those guys have worked with some amazing people including Kylie, Sophie Ellis-Bextor and… um, Stephanie McIntosh.
Meeting Jewels and Stone was a happy coincidence as I actually met them through my manager who had worked alongside them for Stock, Aitken & Waterman. They were looking for a vocalist so I sang for them in the most casual audition I've ever been to ha ha. And the rest is history :) They have worked with some incredible artists and they are amazing songwriters - I think I'll always be in awe of them.

“Since You Been Gone” is already burning up nightclubs across Europe. Have you always been into dance music?
I've always loved any music I can dance to but obviously now I'm working within this genre I find myself not listening to much else!

Is the song reflective of the rest of your album or do you guys mix it up?
I think the tracks we've recorded so far are all really unique in their own way but on the whole we tend to record songs that make you wanna dance and uplift you in some way. I would say "Since You Been Gone" is probably a very good indication as to what's to come though!

Who were your influences? You kind of remind me of a Hi-NRG version of Everything But The Girl.
Well I take that as a HUGE compliment.....as a dance act they don't come cooler than that. I know Barry & Julian are influenced by so many different artists and genres half of which I've never heard of ha ha but as a vocalist my influences originate from the Jazz world....singers such as Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James are a real inspiration for me. In today's music I would say someone like Paloma Faith - she has such a unique voice.

When is the song released and will you be doing PAs?
The single is being released in July and we already have lots of P.A's locally and also in Europe in the pipeline. The next one is in Glasgow on the 25th June which I'm really excited about as I've never been to Scotland before!

And finally, the question on everyone’s lips – are you the new Cascada?
Ha ha everyone asks me that question! I am a huge fan of Natalie's and the truth is there will only ever be one Cascada. But I definitely think there's room out there for another female dance artist and if Daruso were to have even half the success Cascada has had, I'd be very happy!