Victoria S - Germany's gift to music

Germany is just behind Romania and Mexico as my favourite musical nation. The cavalcade of superstars to emerge from there would make Sweden blush. Cascada, Kim Gloss, Daniela Katzenberger - need I say more? Well, you can add another name to that illustrious list. Victoria S is often described as the German Britney but I think that's really unfair. Sure, Vicky's voice is thinner than Karen Carpenter and she dances like she has a disability but at least the blond bombshell appears to be lucid and aware of her surroundings. Most of the time. The stunningly talented 17-year-old first appeared on my radar last year. Her debut single "One In A Million" set a new world record for the most autotune used on a pop song but I approved. She then showed off her real vocal chops by singing "There's A Place For Us" for the German Voyage of the Dawn Treader soundtrack and nailed it. I vastly prefer her version to Carrie Underwood's - high praise indeed!

Unfortunately, neither song was a huge hit in Germany but that hasn't stopped Victoria releasing another single. "Voyeur" is a camp dance anthem that sounds like a twisted mix of Ke$ha and September. Yes, it's that amazing. The track takes a couple of listens to get into and the chorus doesn't really make any sense (note to Europop acts - stop using Google translator!) but I love it and can't wait for Vicky's album, which I hope will be called "Adventures In Autotune". As usual, the superstar in waiting has pulled together a rather spectacular video to accompany her future smash. The brief was obviously sex, sex and more sex. Victoria rolls around on a bed, pouts in the shower and dances (as) seductively (as she can). She's so pretty and could make an international impact with the right song. This isn't it but I still need an mp3 now and pray they release it physically so I can add to my Victoria S collection!

Cascada is back!

A couple of days ago I wrote a post about Havana Brown, calling her the Australian Cascada. Well, the real deal is back with a new single to put the pretenders in check! Or at least try to. My love/hate relationship with the German trio isn't exactly a secret. They have churned out some truly rancid shit over the years but I love Natalie's child-bearing hips and they occasionally get it oh so right. See "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Pyromania". While I don't think "San Francisco" is quite in that league, it is a nice change of pace for the group. The third single from their soon-to-be-released 4th studio album (second if you overlook the scrapped trainwreck that was "Night Nurse"), Cascada's ode to the gayest city in the world is a cheerfully inoffensive pop jam that takes the bpm down a couple of notches. I like the inane chorus and think there's something admirably 90s about the whole project. The video is also typically cheesy Cascada fare that finds Natalie channelling her inner hippy. That fabulous bitch has always looked like her pill just kicked in, so it's not much of a stretch. But that fringed leather jacket was always a no. Oh and for the record, Havana does it better.

Kim Gloss - Germany's next superstar

I received a bunch of CDs from a German friend last week and spent the past few days catching up on all the best music Germany has to offer. There's so much great stuff but my favourite has to be 18-year-old Kim Gloss. She came to fame as a finalist on an X Factor type talent show and released her debut single "Famous In Paris" earlier this year. This exquisite slice of pop trash wouldn't sound out of place on Heidi Montag's genre-defining masterpiece "Superficial". Yes, it's that amazing! I love this hot mess from beginning to end. The Gaga-on-a-budget production is hot, Kim sounds fabulous and the lyrics are incredible. "I wanna show the world that I'm stunning and you know why when you see me coming" is my favourite insight into the world of celebrity culture. And don't worry, girl. You are already stunning! For so many different reasons. Take the hilarious video clip. Kim is sucked into a snow globe and then poses against some of the worst green-screen effects in history. I particularly love the bizarre choreography and limo shenanigans. Excitingly, the future superstar/proud Britney stan released her second single this week. It's another gem and will feature on the blog shortly. Your faves could never!

Sarah Connor - Cold As Ice

I have a love/hate relationship with Sarah Connor. Her overwrought ballads (and entire "Soulicious" album) are considered crimes against humanity in most civilised nations but the German diva occasionally gets it very, very right - her desperate "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" rip off "From Zero To Hero" and top 20 Australian smash hit "Bounce" immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, the past couple of years have seen a slide in Sarah's popularity at home. Her last album was considered a failure by her lofty standards and her new single recently stalled at a disappointing #16 on the German singles chart. I blame the hideous cover because the song is the best thing Sarah has released in years. Seriously, bitch - get a nose job! Produced by Kay Denar and Rob Tyger, "Cool As Ice" is a Eurovision worthy trashfest with a killer chorus and fabulous faux RedOne production. Sarah even manages to look good in the glamorous video. Sure, it's not the most original song of 2010 but formulaic dance-pop doesn't get much better. I think it's time for Ms Connor to try her luck in Australia again. The ten fans that made "He's Unbelievable" a #77 smash back in 2004 wouldd lap this fabulous shit up!

Poker Face - Country Style

Why didn't anyone tell me about this? A German country singer releasing a boot scootin' cover of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" is my idea of pop trash heaven! When I first heard this stunning rendition, I hoped assumed it was a piss take but Meg is very much for real. The German Taylor Swift - but better - is signed to Sony and scored a massive #78 smash at home with her Gaga cover. Finally a nation that recognises real talent! The biggest surprise is how well "Poker Face" works as a country song. Meg's thin voice and unfortunate accent don't help her cause but someone with talent could have nailed this. Which underlines how brilliant Lady Gaga's signature tune really is. From disco to barnyard, "Poker Face" gets gays on their feet! If you're as enamoured with Meg as I am, you'll be happy to know that the diva's entire album is comprised of covers. Words can describe her version of "Maneater". Nelly Furtado just retired from shame! Anyway, brace yourself for Germany's latest gift to popular culture. Meg's crazy eyes in the video (below) kill me. I need to own this!

German Prostitute Covers Sam Fox!

This blog has been way too classy lately. So instead of featuring yet another international superstar like Beyoncé or La Toya, I thought I'd get back to my trash roots by writing about Germany's latest pop icon. Daniela Katzenberger first came to fame on a reality TV show called "Goodbye Deutschland". The program follows Germans who move abroad to start new lives and Fraulein Katzenberger's dream of opening a cafe in Mallorca riveted the nation. I'm sure her popularity had nothing to do with her Barbie doll looks, plastic tits and penchant for wearing very little clothing. Yeah right. Anyway, someone had the brilliant idea of offering the shy and retiring flower a record deal and for that I'm eternally grateful. Daniela's amazing debut single is a cover of Samantha Fox's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now". Written and produced by Stock Aitken Waterman, the track was a UK top 10 hit for Sam back in 1987 and has gone on to become a firm fan favourite. Bitches who mess with the Fox usually face my wrath but I'll give Daniela a pass. Her version is almost disturbingly true to the original - with the exception of some much needed autotune - and she camps it up for all she's worth. Fuck Lena, Germany finally has a worthy successor to Blümchen's Queen of Pop throne! "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now" is released on the 27th of August. Pre-order the single from Amazon today!