Remembering Jinny

I don't think Jinny gets enough credit for singing along to an anonymous black woman's vocal on this genre-defining '90s anthem. Does anyone know what she's up to these days?

Cascada shows off her two biggest hits!

I've had a lot of emails about the lack of posts. Sorry, I should have told you guys but I'm currently on tour in Los Angeles, so I haven't had time for updates but I'm back online now and couldn't resist posting this exquisite image. Yes, it's the child-bearing hipped queen of Hi-NRG herself, Natalie Horler, getting her tits out for German Playboy to promote Cascada's new album. I personally think this is a great idea. The millions of people who bought butch anthems like "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Night Nurse" were clearly red blooded heterosexuals... oh wait. Damn. On the bright side, the German dance diva has opened the door for a career in porn if the band's latest masterpiece fails to sell. I couldn't love her any more right now.

Fuck off Kate Ryan, Belgium has a new superstar!

Don't worry, you're not hallucinating. This shit is actually happening. And you know what? You love it as much I do! It's not every day that I stumble across pop trash this exquisite, so forgive me for ranting. I just want to jump on a plane right now and bow down at this angel's feet. With a minimum of fuss, Adya has singlehandedly saved pop music with her stunning Mozart cover. Yes, readers - the Belgian beauty has set "Cherubino's Aria" (from the great composer's 1786 opera "The Marriage Of Figaro") to dance beats and the result will blow your mind. Not in the least because the track is genuinely catchy and disturbingly hypnotic but it's the video that really slays me. Adya's demented grin and dance moves that she learned from her mother in 1982 are the stuff of pop trash gold. I want to know what drugs this hot bitch is taking. The scene where she's howling like a banshee against the worst green screen ring of fire in history is so defining I can barely speak. Surely, it's only a matter of time before Adya's smash spreads across Europe and worms its way to Australia. Lady Gaga is bawling in a hotel room somewhere screaming "it coulda been me!" I wonder if this has actually been successful in Belgium... chart nerds please report. The rest of you brace yourself for the ultimate viewing experience of 2011.

Get Caught In Tatiana's Spider Web

Tatiana is my new Euro-pop obsession. The stunning diva hails from Poland, where she is apparently quite a big deal - having fronted a popular band called Blue Café before going solo. After conquering Eastern Europe, Tats was up for a new challenge. So she packed her PVC catsuit and caught the next plane to London. Her first UK release is called "Spider Web" and it's adorable. A pretty mid-tempo pop song about holding on until the bitter end of a relationship, the original version is definitely worth a listen. However, for me, the ridiculously camp 7th Heaven remix can not be beaten.

This is cheesiest piece of trash I've heard all year and I mean that as a huge compliment. "Spider Web" now sounds like the best song never entered into Eurovision. The deliriously upbeat production overhaul works a treat, giving the lyrics new meaning and raising the chorus into the pop stratosphere. Even the video works better in its remixed form (below). Tatiana's fabulous jam is released on April 18 with an album - also called "Spider Web" - to follow shortly thereafter. I just wish I knew about her when I was in Poland last year. I would have stocked up on Tati's shit instead of wasting my cash on Doda! You live, you learn.

Azerbaijani Ho Jacks Beyoncé's Swagga

Don't get me wrong. I'm down with Safura. Girlfriend owned Eurovision 2010 and her stunning debut "Drip Drop" was a deserved #181 UK smash hit. Hell, I even spent 20 Euros importing her (rather fabulous) album from Germany. But no one - and I repeat, no one - FUCKS with Queen B! I can't believe the pride of Azerbaijan had the audacity to go all Sasha Fierce in her new video. Who does she think she is? Ninel Conde? Honestly, "March On" re-defines the term hot mess. Safura proves without a doubt that she's currently the worst dancer in pop music (Robyn just breathed a sigh of relief) and the Beyoncé thievery that begins at the 1:20 minute mark is car crash viewing at its best. Or worst - depending on your tolerance for comedy. I love how she's not only ripped off the choreography from "Diva" but also managed to hunt down Bey's costume on eBay. Well played, Safura! All sarcasm aside, "March On" is actually a good song and deserves to scrape into the top 100 on some random chart. Bring on her much hyped (by Azerbaijani gays) collaboration with Colby O'Donis!

Russia's Outrageous New Girlband - Twinz

Last night's post about Germany's stunning Daniela Katzenberger seems to have struck a chord with the fabulous perverts, gays and perverted gays that read my blog - so I thought I'd stick with the Eurotrash theme. Only this time I'm taking it up a notch. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a fellow trash connoisseur introduced me to Twinz. Gratuitous nudity? Check. Amazingly inane lyrics about being a gold digger? Tick. A pair of identical twins from Russia who like to fondle each others breasts? Uh huh. You probably think I'm joking but Twinz pick up where t.A.T.u. left off and proceed to cross all sorts of boundaries. The incest-tastic duo caused quite a stir at home and I really feel their next port of call should be Australia. Let's face it, if Scarlett Belle can scrape into the top 50 - then these fabulous bitches would kill the game! Or perhaps they could try the UK. Now that Girls Aloud are officially over, the British public is crying out for a girlband with real talent. "Diamonds" probably isn't going to scoop the pool at next year's Grammys but it is thoroughly enjoyable in a completely tragic kind of way and who actually gives a shit about the music when the video (below) is this stunning? Brace yourself for the Twinz experience. Don't say I didn't warn you!