Do you like Katy Perry & Fisting?

If so, "Extra Intestinal" is the song for you! Mike Diamond's stunning interpretation of "ET" is the perfect soundtrack to your next dungeon visit. Let amazing lyrics like "fill me with your knuckles, my colon will buckle" inspire you to unclench and demolish what's left of your pelvic floor. You just know that Russell plays this glorious anthem before making Katy slip on her pink Hello, Kitty rubber gloves and massage his prostate. While I'm feeling Mike's witty words and almost operatic vocals, MC Matinga steals the show. Who needs Kanye West when you could this adonis go H.A.M. on your hot track? Oh and Sheena Easton even makes a cameo. Clearly this is a late contender for song of the year. Check out the NSFW extravaganza below.

Cosmo Jarvis Covers Kylie Minogue

A couple of weeks ago, Cosmo Jarvis visited Australia for a whirlwind promo tour and a pair of sold-out shows in Sydney and Melbourne. He also found the time to drop by Triple J to perform on their popular Like A Version segment, which involves guests singing unexpected cover versions. And the 22-year-old raised the bar by taking on Kylie's "Spinning Around". From "Gay Pirates" to Ms Minogue's career-reviving comeback single, Cosmo has displayed exquisite taste and is fast becoming my new fave. His rendition rocks but what drugs are these lame presenters on? Young Talent Time was Dannii's gig and all that talk about the saucy video is unnecessary. Show some respect for your elders! Anyway, that's not the dashingly-handsome Brit's fault. This is awesome and should be used as a B-side somewhere. If you need more Cosmo, here's my review of his Sydney Showcase and an interview I did with him for Channel V.

The Hoff's new hit

I'm a little concerned that my blog is getting a bit too classy with posts about high brow acts like Lissie, Aloe Blacc and Melissa Tkautz - so I thought I'd write a quick post about David Hasselhoff's latest smash to get back to my trash roots. The Baywatch star is notoriously popular in Germany and his latest album is already a top 30 hit over there. I'm so jealous. They get Kim Gloss and The Hoff? Life just isn't fair. But I digress. "It's A Real Good Feeling" is the lead single from the sexy 58-year-old's new opus and it's as classy as we've come to expect from this undisputed musical genius. A cover of Peter Kent's 1980 number one hit, the track is a hot mess that showcases David's breathtaking vocals and unique brand of crazy. I particularly love the video. Make sure you keep watching until the 2:20 minute mark for the best special effects of 2011! In all seriousness, I worship the Hoff and hopes he keeps churning out the hits (in Germany) for decades to come. Brace yourself for a real good feeling and click below!

Elouise takes on Tainted Love

Elouise has been winning hearts and steadily building a loyal fanbase over the last couple of years with her big ballads and camp covers. With a little help from Kylie's long-time collaborator Steve Anderson and Bobby from Don't Stop The Pop, the stunning English rose has single-handedly revived the torch song and carved a niche that is very much her own in a market otherwise flooded with soulless clones. I admire that she's taking things slowly and perfecting her sound before churning out a studio album. The world's first taste of Elouise was her lovely Stardust EP, which was followed by another mini-album and now a soon-to-be-released album of covers based on the music she performs in "Little Belter", her monthly residential at Madame Jojo's in London. The show celebrates female divas like Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, Barbra Streisand and Dusty Springfield - making it, quite possibly, the gayest production on earth! I'd kill to see it but I guess I'll have to make do with the soundtrack for now.

The first cut from "Little Belter" - now available on iTunes - is a stunning rendition of "Tainted Love", made famous by Soft Cell but covered by everyone from Marilyn Manson to The Pussycat Dolls. Needless to say, Elouise's version is by far the most theatrical. From the fabulous brass in the intro to the big band, swing sound of the chorus, this is a dramatic tour de force that should be appreciated in a dark room with mood lighting, dusty chandeliers and crushed velvet curtains - preferably with a martini in one hand and a cigarette in the other. You don't have to inhale. It's just for effect! As usual, Steve Anderson's production is exquisite and Elouise has never sounded lovelier. The initial reaction to "Tainted Love" has been amazing with the song swiftly becoming the most requested on OutQ - the largest gay radio network in the world. Check out the song below to see what all the fuss is about and sign up to the diva's Mailing List to get a free mp3 of her radical improvement on Gaga's hideous "Born This Way" and a new jam called "The Lovers' Rumba". It's every bit as camp as the title would suggest and comes highly recommended.

Poker Face - Country Style

Why didn't anyone tell me about this? A German country singer releasing a boot scootin' cover of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" is my idea of pop trash heaven! When I first heard this stunning rendition, I hoped assumed it was a piss take but Meg is very much for real. The German Taylor Swift - but better - is signed to Sony and scored a massive #78 smash at home with her Gaga cover. Finally a nation that recognises real talent! The biggest surprise is how well "Poker Face" works as a country song. Meg's thin voice and unfortunate accent don't help her cause but someone with talent could have nailed this. Which underlines how brilliant Lady Gaga's signature tune really is. From disco to barnyard, "Poker Face" gets gays on their feet! If you're as enamoured with Meg as I am, you'll be happy to know that the diva's entire album is comprised of covers. Words can describe her version of "Maneater". Nelly Furtado just retired from shame! Anyway, brace yourself for Germany's latest gift to popular culture. Meg's crazy eyes in the video (below) kill me. I need to own this!

Sarah McLeod - Dancing In The Dark

Sarah McLeod's latest single is a dark and dirty cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark". It's an interesting choice after dabbling in upbeat electro ("Tell Your Story Walking") and Rihanna-esque pop ("Double R") but it works. In fact, of the three singles, I think this suits Sarah's voice the best. Her two pack a day rasp squeezes every last drop of angst from the lyrics, making this a worthy rendition of the 80s classic. My only reservation is the fact that it's a little too faithful to the original. The killer remixes - courtesy of Christian Luke and Chardy - drag the song into 2010, while the radio edit sounds like it should be on a JJJ "Like A Version" compilation. That's not a diss - those things fly off the shelves - so fingers crossed Sarah finally gets some airplay and chart action. The video (below) is a simple affair but I kind of like the grainy, fly on the wall aesthetic. I hope this means the album is almost ready because I've been waiting since 2007!

Vanessa Amorosi's Forgotten Debut

"Get Here" is the holy grail for Ness Ness fans. Recorded as a promo single for Sydney Central Plaza (a shopping centre) in 1998, the track is notably absent from the Australian version of Vanessa's debut album. I have no idea how many copies were pressed - I'm guessing quite a few if it was randomly given away to shoppers - but it rarely appears on eBay and usually goes for a small fortune. Well, it popped up again recently and I finally gave into temptation. I didn't know what to expect when the disc arrived but I was genuinely surprised to learn it was a cover of Oleta Adam's 1991 classic. Before the Brenda Russell fans start a smear campaign, I know she did it first! I'll just always associate the song with Oleta. Her version was hugely popular during the Gulf War and became a massive hit in America and the UK. Strangely, it never took off in Australia - which is probably why someone thought it was ripe for the picking. More perplexing is the decision to transform Oleta's touching ode to deployed soldiers into a cheesy dance anthem. Not that I'm complaining. Vanessa's version of "Get Here" is a trash lover's wet dream. I love the tacky 90s production and dubious arrangement, while the so bad it's amazing House Mix defies belief! With a bit of touch up this hot mess would have made a nice addition to "The Power". Someone really needs to mash it with "Absolutely Everybody" for a near lethal dose of late 90s/early 00s fabulousness. I just wish Ness Ness recorded a ballad version. Her vocal is beautiful. She was only 16 when this was recorded but you can almost smell the raw potential. Anyway, ready yourself for a screaming trashgasm. This is the campest thing you'll hear all week!

German Prostitute Covers Sam Fox!

This blog has been way too classy lately. So instead of featuring yet another international superstar like Beyoncé or La Toya, I thought I'd get back to my trash roots by writing about Germany's latest pop icon. Daniela Katzenberger first came to fame on a reality TV show called "Goodbye Deutschland". The program follows Germans who move abroad to start new lives and Fraulein Katzenberger's dream of opening a cafe in Mallorca riveted the nation. I'm sure her popularity had nothing to do with her Barbie doll looks, plastic tits and penchant for wearing very little clothing. Yeah right. Anyway, someone had the brilliant idea of offering the shy and retiring flower a record deal and for that I'm eternally grateful. Daniela's amazing debut single is a cover of Samantha Fox's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now". Written and produced by Stock Aitken Waterman, the track was a UK top 10 hit for Sam back in 1987 and has gone on to become a firm fan favourite. Bitches who mess with the Fox usually face my wrath but I'll give Daniela a pass. Her version is almost disturbingly true to the original - with the exception of some much needed autotune - and she camps it up for all she's worth. Fuck Lena, Germany finally has a worthy successor to Blümchen's Queen of Pop throne! "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now" is released on the 27th of August. Pre-order the single from Amazon today!

Sabrina Vs Samantha Fox - Call Me!

Last October I wrote a post titled Duet of the Century about the impending release of Sabrina's hotly anticipated (by at least three Italian gays) collaboration with Samantha Fox. As a long time admirer of both busty beauties, I was more than a little excited at the prospect of them joining forces - but it never happened. That is until now. After an agonising 9 month wait, their stunning Hi-NRG cover of Blondie's "Call Me" is finally here! And it's just as amazing as you would expect from the 80s icons that brought you seminal classics like "Touch Me" and "Boys (Summertime Love)". I can't even explain how much joy this gives me. Seriously, the only thing that could put a bigger smile on my face is a Beyoncé/La Toya duet! I grew up worshipping these heavenly divas and it's so satisfying to know that they're still here, still fabulous and still as top heavy as ever. The song itself is cute. Neither woman is particularly famous for her vocal ability but I love their breathy pipes and they camp it up for all they're worth. Please note that the music in the video (below) is not the radio edit but a dance remix. The original version has been removed from YouTube but I couldn't resist posting the breathtaking video. These stunners haven't aged a day and the special effects are... well, you have to see it to believe it. This really is the duet of the century. Welcome back, ladies!