Stellar > Your K-Pop Faves

I don't get to feature as much K-Pop as I'd like on this blog but then I've always gone for quality over quantity. Cough. While less discerning blogs like The Prophet and Pop Reviews Now write about has-beens like KARA and 2NE1, I keep it classy by ruminating on the brilliance of underground icons like LPG and INY. You know, fearless pioneers whose artistry and elegance will stand the test of time. It's been a bleak couple of months in the K-Pop world but an act has finally come along that not only meets but exceeds my lofty standards. Stellar is - quite simply - your new favourite girlband. These four angels have the smouldering talent of Destiny's Child and the hood credentials of Electrik Red. Throw in the exquisite pronunciation of the iconic Ping Pong lady from Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert and you are left with the future of popular music.

Stellar is comprised of Ga-young, Jeon-yul, Lee Seul and JoA. They must have impressive connections because they somehow managed to nab Eric Mun of Shinhwa to produce their stunning debut "Rocket Girl". It doesn't matter that they can't actually pronounce the title ( it sounds like locket gur) and have the vocal prowess of an unautotuned Scarlett Belle, this is an addictive triumph that blends Eurohouse elements with dub-step to create something utterly ridiculous amazing. I particularly love the chorus and riveting rap. These girls are way too edgy for Korea! Proof in point is the fact that the video (below) was banned for sexual overtones and violence. Come again? My angels simply stun bad guys with water pistols they picked up from Toys R Us between killer dance moves. I smell a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top! Stellar clearly has the competition stressed, pressed and totally obsessed.

Introducing The Pop Girls!

With K Pop taking over the world, it's easy to forget that Korea isn't the only Asian nation churning out amazing music. We all worship at the feet of Ami Suzuki (who continues to fly the flag for Japan) and adore Hong Hong's hottest diva La Chiquitta but the Philippines is often overlooked. The home of Charice has its own burgeoning pop scene and from the tracks I've heard - P Pop is utterly defining! The genre has come under fire from rabid K Pop fans, who think it steals from their faves but those bitches need to chill the fuck out. P Pop is just finding its feet. Of course, they are going to look to their fabulous neighbours for inspiration - the same way that Australian and British pop acts look to America for guidance. Why can't we all just eat Kimchi and get along?

If you put your preconceptions aside, you might just like what you hear. Take the Pop Girls. These five beauties are the current queens of P Pop and I'm more than a little obsessed. While Korean girlbands fight against their inherent cuteness and desperately try to be edgy, the Pop Girls embrace their inner campness and sound like a cross between S Club 7 and Steps. From what I can tell without being able to read Tagalog, the Philippines' favourite band first came to fame with "Crazy Crazy", an upbeat dance anthem, before re-emerging with new members and a pure pop sound. I love their new direction. "Sige Sige Sayaw" is such a catchy song. Sure the video looks like it was filmed at Timezone in 15 minutes before the after school rush but they look adorable and I stan for their cheap choreography. Bring on their next pan-Asian smash!

Introducing INY - Korea's Hood Girlband!

It's official - Korea is the new home of popular music. Don't worry Mexico, you'll re-claim your crown when Lorena Herrera comes out of retirement! K Pop is seriously on fire at the moment. In the past couple of days the poptastic nation has blessed us with amazing anthems from Girl's Day, LPG and now INY. That's like the Spice Girls, Sugababes and Vanilla all debuting new material in the same week! I don't know how they do it. Where do they find all these stunningly talented girls? I'm starting to think they are genetically engineered in a lab. Take INY, for example. These angels are too lovely to be true. They have it all - looks, vocal ability and a disturbing rape fetish. Think of them as the Asian t.A.T.u! Here are ten reasons why INY is your new favourite girlband:

1. Their debut single "Shake It, Shake It" is a shameless rip off massive improvement on Ciara's "Love Sex Magic".
2. INY's gimmick is their street image - basically, they are presented as hoodlums who roam the streets of Korea stealing iPods from school girls. Bitches are HARD.
3. The video for "Shake It, Shake It" is as offensive as it is fabulous.
4. Highlights include muggings, attempted rape and even a murder!
5. The lead singer's red wig is everything that Riri's wishes it could be.
6. They wouldn't be an edgy girlband without some lesbian tension, which is duly provided in the video.
7. My fave (the stunning redhead) prevents her bandmate from being gang-raped and then takes her to a karaoke bar to celebrate. As you do.
8. Unfortunately, Korean rapists are persistent and the girls are pursued through the back streets of a slum and finally captured in a scene straight out of "Old Boy".
9. Happily, they are saved when their would be rapists accidentally murder another girl by mistake. Thug life!
10. The third band member appears in the tasteful video for ONE SECOND exactly.

Watch what is surely the most gripping video of 2011 below.

We Speak No Americano - Korean Style!

The battle for Korea's girlband crown is over. Give up, Wonder Girls. Go back to hooking, 2NE1. Your cheap rayon wigs have been snatched by LPG! Just when I thought K Pop couldn't get any better (I've been listening to "Twinkle Twinkle" on repeat for days), these five angels have raised the genre to previously unimagined heights by covering Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP's 2010 smash "We Speak No Americano". That song was pretty much the soundtrack to my European jaunt, so it has a very special place in my heart and I love what the girls have done with it. There are new lyrics, a catchy chorus and even a stunning dance routine. I can't understand a word but I'm sure it's deep and meaningful given that they've changed the title to "Angry"!

So who are these artistic giants? Well, if my research is correct, they are Korea's trashiest act since my idol Mina. It seems the band is comprised of failed beauty queens, their name is an abbreviation of Long Pretty Girls and they have a penchant for releasing novelty songs - including a misguided attempt to revive the Can Can and a winter themed flop called "The Road To Ski Hill". I love them so much it hurts! And surely Korea will now embrace these stunning divas too. "Angry" is undeniably amazing and the video (below) is extremely cute. Before you experience the wonder of LPG, I need some advice. Where can I order a copy of this masterpiece? It must be mine!

StooShe - Britain's Hottest Girlband

2011 is turning out to be an amazing year for music. First Kim Kardashian serenaded our senses with "Jam (Turn It Up)", before Xelle and Rebecca Black took popular music to previously unimagined heights with their genre defining anthems. They say good things come in threes but they are clearly mistaken because the lovely ladies from StooShe have delivered yet another dose of musical magic with "Fuck Me". Funnily enough, that's exactly what I said after hearing this for the first time. I'm just not used to 1) England producing decent girlbands after suffering through years of Girls Aloud and 2) complete strangers getting me on such a deep, emotional level. Courtney, Alexander and Karis have chosen a subject matter close to my heart for their probing debut single - the quickie. And the girls tackle the topic with uncanny insight, telling their men to "put it in and don't be speakin' unless it's filthy filthy". Although my favourite bit is the X rated homage to En Vogue when they sing "get it up, get it in and I'll free your mind". Quality stuff! I'm not sure what to make of their fashion sense and the hot mess of a man polluting the video clip (below) but any group that mutters "don't be leavin' me no pearl necklace" in their first offering is more than alright by me. When does the album drop? I need it. Bad.

Xelle - My New Favourite Girlband!

I love a quality girlband as much as the next gay but for every Las Supremas de Móstoles there are ten rancid shit heaps like Girls Aloud and The Saturdays. Happily, newcomers Xelle definitely fall into the former category. These lovely ladies have the voices of (fallen) angels, sex appeal to burn and an overabundance of glamour not seen since the glory days of Martha Wash and the Weather Girls. They are also a girlband with a twist. You see, one of the members has a doodle and first came to fame on Season 3 of RuPaul's amazing Drag Race. Needless to say, Mimi Imfurst is my favourite member but JC Cassis and Rony Goffer more than hold their own. Particularly, JC. Just watch this defining video of her destroying vastly improving Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror" in a gimp mask. Toy Toy would give her personal seal of approval! But back to Xelle. The talented divas have just unveiled their debut single and video clip. "Party Girl", written and produced by Zach Adam, is a fun pop tune in the vein of Ke$ha, Gaga and their army of imitators. It's extremely catchy and I love Mimi's rap! The video is just as fabulous. Xelle take over a subway car and leave a bunch of lucky commuters breathless with their stunning outfits and gravity defying choreography. Watch in awe as the ladies show the pretenders how it's done!

KaraMel - My New Favourite Girlband

1 2 3 4 - get your undies on the floor!

Sorry it's been so long between posts but sometimes shit just happens. The prospect of catching up on everything was kind of overwhelming but then I saw this magnificent clip posted on Facebook (thanks, Joe!) and I just knew it would be perfect for my return. As far as I know, KaraMel could already be an internet sensation but I'm yet to see them get any blog loving. Which is astounding because "Underwear" is absolutely irresistible. If Ke$ha cloned herself and formed a girlband that spent all day listening to Daphne & Celeste's stunning back catalogue of hits for inspiration, I'm convinced they would something like this. KaraMel's debut is a bit naughty, unashamedly trashy and extremely fucking catchy. In other words - just how I like my pop! There's not a lot of information about this delicious duo but I think they hail from Canada and the girls are called Kara and Mel. Hence their classy band name. According to their bio they are also "getting ready to put out a debut album that will redefine the dance-pop genre". I can hardly wait! While we for KaraMel to reinvent popular music as we know it, check out their fabulous video. I love their bad dancing and the array of semi-naked men. Why isn't this a worldwide number one smash?

Sirens - Pop Trash Interview

Sorry, gays. Zoë Badwi hasn't re-formed the greatest Australian girlband of the 00s. Rather, I was lucky enough to chat with England's Sirens - perhaps the most underrated pop act to emerge from the UK since Nicki French! The group has been at it since 2003 but their resume is decidedly lacking in hits. Sadly, the closest they have come to chart domination is a #49 smash in 2004 with the iconic "Baby (Off The Wall)". They spent the rest of the decade being big in Japan and working on their stunning sophomore album, which died a miserable death at home but eventually found an audience in America. Most bands would have thrown in the towel long ago but these are three persistent bitches. You see, Sirens is back yet again - this time with an electro album called "3" and a recently released anthem called "Stilettos" (see bottom of post). I asked them about their lack of hits, hot new sound and ongoing feud with Shayne Ward. Here's what they had to say:

Hey girls, I’m loving "Stilettos"! Do you realise how many drag queens have a new favourite song?
Get in!! Pleased to hear that. We see ourselves as Drag Queen-esque with our new look – can we be in the gang?

I'm sure that can be arranged! The song is a real change of pace for Sirens. What made you choose electro-pop after experimenting with hip hop beats for so many
years?
We didn’t choose it, it chose us. We had a hit in the states with
our electromix of "Club La La" and decided that was an exciting and fresh direction to go in and it was!

Is "Stilettos" reflective of your upcoming album? Who have you worked on it with?
"Stilettos" is reflective of "3" but there is still a happy helping
of urban influence on there. We worked with Red One’s protégé Eric Sanicola in NYC, DeeKay in Copenhagen and Rage (of P Diddy's "Dirty Money").

You girls look so fancy in the video! What inspired your glamorous new look?Gotham City Sirens with a mixer of Drag Queen. We were starting to feel a little drab and chav in those wife beaters and baggy jeans!

Please don’t take this the wrong way but the band hasn’t experienced the success it so richly deserves. Why do you think this is?
No offence taken!! Because no UK radio stations will play our bloody record (and we can’t afford back handers and bribes). Luckily for us, things work differently in the States or Sirens would be R.I.P.

What keeps you going when your stunning anthems crash and burn on the charts?American success, great fans, love and appreciation for the band and espresso martinis!!

One of my songs from your back catalogue is "Love Hurts". Such an amazing tune!!Why was it never on the album?
"Love Hurts" was a limited edition track for our Japanese album. We love it too, it's dope!!

I still play "Club LA LA" all the time. Looking back, is there anything you would change about the tracklist or the way it was promoted?
Thank you!!!! We love the track and love the album, we’re very proud of it all but radio stations in the UK just didn’t get it and wouldn’t play it (apart from Radio 1’s Jo Whiley) which meant we couldn’t promote it. However, the americans loved it and "Club LA LA" was our first billboard bit! Happy Days.

Ok, time to get hard hitting. Shayne Ward ruthlessly stole your brilliant anthem "Own Thing", turning it into the horrible "Tell Him". What Happened?
He’s a twat and oh no, he’s back again!! Keep your hands off "Stilettos" Wardy!! Or else!!!

Is "Smoke My Cigar" about oral sex?
Well der!!! It’s whatever you would like it to be about my dear!

David Hasselhoff's Daughters Launch Pop Career!

The day we've all been hoping and praying for has finally arrived. David Hasselhof has generously passed the batton of pop superstardom to his vocally challenged daughters. Yes! Hayley Amber and Taylor Ann - otherwise known as Bella Vida - are wisely following in their father's footsteps by terrorising delighting Germany with their debut single before conquering the rest of the world. It's not fair. They should have started with Australia. "Turn Up The Radio" is every bit as amazing as you would expect from the fruit of David's holy loins. The RedOne on a $10 budget production rocks my world, while the cheesy lyrics ("It's a hot track - hollaback - even if ya can't sing!") and catchy chorus ensure instant cult status for this auspicious debut. Best of all is the hilarious overuse of autotune. "Turn Up The Radio" makes Cher's "Believe" sound like a grassroots country album! Make sure you check out their recent performance on RTL (below). Taylor-Ann (the brunette) does a pretty good job at keeping a straight face but Hayley (a plus sized supermodel according to her bio) appears to have no idea where she is or what she's doing. I'm in love!

The Return Of Scarlett Belle

Australia's most tragic newest girlband is back with their second single! I featured the gruesome twosome's debut on the Pop Panel a couple of months ago and was ashamed to admit that I rather liked it. Well, "Freak Tonight" is even more perversely enjoyable than "Closure" - so I guess that makes me a very reluctant fan. How embarrassing! Seriously, these girls are all kinds of wrong. And I'm not just talking about their bad weaves and penchant for over-emoting in music videos. Their songs sound like they were stolen from the recycle bin on Keri Hilson's laptop and the whole urban vibe is about as convincing as Lady Gaga's humility at this year's VMAs. And yet, I can't help but find them amusing. It doesn't hurt that "Freak Tonight" is a cover of song I like. Released in 2009, Israel's version got some airplay in Australia but never really took off the way it should. A pity because he was rockin' that Taio Cruz sound before anyone! Happily, the girls asked him to rap on their interpretation and it just adds to the... experience. I'm told Reigan and Tamara are getting ready to film the video next week. They need to hurry up. "Freak Tonight" is already top 40 on iTunes and looks like it could be their breakthrough hit. Good luck to them.

Russia's Outrageous New Girlband - Twinz

Last night's post about Germany's stunning Daniela Katzenberger seems to have struck a chord with the fabulous perverts, gays and perverted gays that read my blog - so I thought I'd stick with the Eurotrash theme. Only this time I'm taking it up a notch. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a fellow trash connoisseur introduced me to Twinz. Gratuitous nudity? Check. Amazingly inane lyrics about being a gold digger? Tick. A pair of identical twins from Russia who like to fondle each others breasts? Uh huh. You probably think I'm joking but Twinz pick up where t.A.T.u. left off and proceed to cross all sorts of boundaries. The incest-tastic duo caused quite a stir at home and I really feel their next port of call should be Australia. Let's face it, if Scarlett Belle can scrape into the top 50 - then these fabulous bitches would kill the game! Or perhaps they could try the UK. Now that Girls Aloud are officially over, the British public is crying out for a girlband with real talent. "Diamonds" probably isn't going to scoop the pool at next year's Grammys but it is thoroughly enjoyable in a completely tragic kind of way and who actually gives a shit about the music when the video (below) is this stunning? Brace yourself for the Twinz experience. Don't say I didn't warn you!

The Return Of Europe's 2nd Best Girlband!

Some of you might remember Jameerah from my 'Best Singles of 2009' countdown. I absolutely fell in love with them and ranked their debut "All Eyes On Me" the 78th best pop song of last year. As the world's first pan-European girlband - comprised of glamour models from Belgium, Germany and Holland - you would think that world domination was a forgone conclusion. Unfortunately, the track flopped worse than Kelly Llorenna's last dozen singles put together. It could have something to do with their complete and utter lack of talent but that never stopped Girls Aloud. Happily, the ladies are still planning to release that stunning anthem in America later this year but they're already gearing up for the release of the follow up in Belgium. I thought "All Eyes On Me" would be impossible to top but "Stickup" takes things to the next level. This is an all out pop trash explosion! There's a freakishly catchy (and completely non-sensical) chorus, amazing imitation RedOne production and some of the worst/best lyrics ever recorded. I particularly love rhyming "info" with "nympho"! And the video (below) has to be seen to be believed. Jameerah's breathtaking inability to perform even the most straightforward choreography is admirably showcased - that is when they're not molesting an incredibly hot male model or rolling around in their underwear. If these stunners keep this up they could overtake Las Supremas de Móstoles as my favourite European girlband. An album please!