Sarah Connor - Cold As Ice

I have a love/hate relationship with Sarah Connor. Her overwrought ballads (and entire "Soulicious" album) are considered crimes against humanity in most civilised nations but the German diva occasionally gets it very, very right - her desperate "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" rip off "From Zero To Hero" and top 20 Australian smash hit "Bounce" immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, the past couple of years have seen a slide in Sarah's popularity at home. Her last album was considered a failure by her lofty standards and her new single recently stalled at a disappointing #16 on the German singles chart. I blame the hideous cover because the song is the best thing Sarah has released in years. Seriously, bitch - get a nose job! Produced by Kay Denar and Rob Tyger, "Cool As Ice" is a Eurovision worthy trashfest with a killer chorus and fabulous faux RedOne production. Sarah even manages to look good in the glamorous video. Sure, it's not the most original song of 2010 but formulaic dance-pop doesn't get much better. I think it's time for Ms Connor to try her luck in Australia again. The ten fans that made "He's Unbelievable" a #77 smash back in 2004 wouldd lap this fabulous shit up!

David Hasselhoff's Daughters Launch Pop Career!

The day we've all been hoping and praying for has finally arrived. David Hasselhof has generously passed the batton of pop superstardom to his vocally challenged daughters. Yes! Hayley Amber and Taylor Ann - otherwise known as Bella Vida - are wisely following in their father's footsteps by terrorising delighting Germany with their debut single before conquering the rest of the world. It's not fair. They should have started with Australia. "Turn Up The Radio" is every bit as amazing as you would expect from the fruit of David's holy loins. The RedOne on a $10 budget production rocks my world, while the cheesy lyrics ("It's a hot track - hollaback - even if ya can't sing!") and catchy chorus ensure instant cult status for this auspicious debut. Best of all is the hilarious overuse of autotune. "Turn Up The Radio" makes Cher's "Believe" sound like a grassroots country album! Make sure you check out their recent performance on RTL (below). Taylor-Ann (the brunette) does a pretty good job at keeping a straight face but Hayley (a plus sized supermodel according to her bio) appears to have no idea where she is or what she's doing. I'm in love!

The Return Of Matisse!

I'm so excited I can hardly breathe. My girl Matisse hasn't been thrown on the pop scrapheap after all! Thank you, La Toya God! Perhaps, I should back track for a second. Some of you might remember my original post on America's new Queen of pop. Matisse first came to nobody's attention as one half of the twintastic girlband Brit & Alex. After scoring one (very) minor hit, Brit changed her name and went solo. Her tens of fans hoped for the best but I don't think anyone expected her to change the face of pop music forever. I'm not exaggerating. "Better Than Her" is the defining anthem of 2010. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it and still spin Matisse's amazing RedOne knock off on a daily basis. Sadly, the song never took off despite the diva's amazing tour of shopping centres. As far as I'm concerned this is the biggest travesty since Suzy Ray's stunning "Disco In My Car" failed to chart! Happily, Jive finally realised that they have the second coming of Madonna of their hands and shelled out for a new remix with Akon (below). It took a couple of listens to get used to but now I'm feeling it. Sure, it's a bit desperate and not a patch on the original but anything that brings Matisse to the masses is a good thing. Now, hurry up and film a video!