Luciana & Betty White's Hot Video

I can't believe it's finally here! The video for the post-menopausal version of "I'm Still Hot" just dropped and it's positively sizzling. Luciana has never looked better - despite wearing her trademark STD (Short T-Shirt Dress)! - and Betty White continues to prove why she is the coolest woman alive. The set-up is pretty simple. Everyone's favourite Golden Girl feeds cheesecake to a bunch of half-naked muscle men, while the Queen of clubs hangs out with her dancers and just looks fucking hot. After that they eat cake in a limo and discuss life insurance. As you do. It's a big, beautiful dose of tongue-in-cheek fun that works as a commercial and as a music video. The original version of "I'm Still Hot" is officially released in Australia on Friday, so watch this piping hot mess to get you in the mood. Luciana will be in Sydney at the end of the month to promote the song with her fourth tour in two years. Can't wait!

La Toya Claims The Jackson Throne

The weight of the Jackson legacy now rests squarely on La Toya's slender shoulders. While Janet continues to visit third world nations in search of fans old enough to remember her last hit, Joseph's favourite daughter proudly represented the clan at Sunday night's Michael Jackson tribute concert in Wales - bringing some much-needed credibility to an event otherwise lumped with has-beens like Craig David and Alexandra Burke. I knew the 55-year-old triple threat would step up to the plate and show the world that talent and beauty can co-exist but nothing could have prepared me for what transpired.

After a lifetime of living in the shadows of her slightly more successful brother and sister, La Toya finally stepped into the light and proved that it shoulda been her. The Dutch hitmaker's covers of "In The Closet" and "Jam" were so powerful and moving that no official footage has leaked. Obviously they are keeping all the good stuff for the DVD but a couple of devoted fans managed to film a couple of minutes of Toy's triumphant moment. Watch in awe as the new face of the Jackson dynasty radically improves two of her much-loved brother's worst songs with a little help from fellow R&B legend Heavy D. At this point, I think it's fair to say that Janet could never.

In The Closet

Jam

Cosmo Jarvis - Sydney Showcase

A rooftop in Neutral Bay is probably the last place I ever expected to hear Cosmo Jarvis belt out "Gay Pirates" but that's what happened on Monday night when he performed a six-song showcase for assorted industry types. Like many people, that quirky anthem was my introduction to the scarily talented 22-year-old but since then I've become a huge fan and was excited about his Sydney debut. It got off to a somewhat unconventional start when the Brit played around with his guitar and spent a couple of minutes sorting out the sound settings before launching into the awesome "Sure As Hell Not Jesus" but those tics, which became more prevalent through the show, are part of Cosmo's raw charm. After a note-perfect rendition of that underrated gem, he moved onto "She Doesn't Mind" - one of my favourites from his excellent sophomore album "Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange?" That song never fails to put a smile on my face with its amusing lyrics and unexpected sweetness.

Next up was a new track called "Train Downtown", which Cosmo explained was set in the future - "not 1000 years but maybe 800". It turned out to be a typically idiosyncratic take on human relationships that rang true for me. I can't wait to hear a studio version. Before moving on to his current single "My Day" (below), the singer/director explained that he usually performs the song with a five-piece band but it still sounded great with the trio present. This guy not only has a deceptively strong voice, he's also an extremely accomplished musician. As he proved by picking up a mandolin to sing "Gay Pirates". I interviewed Cosmo earlier in the day - stay tuned for that - and he confided that he's sick to death of singing his tale of gay love on the high seas but it still gets me every time. He closed with "Blame It On Me", which is perhaps the album's weakest moment but I'm not complaining. Cosmo is the real deal and destined for huge things. Get on board now.

Love On Top - A Tribute To La Toya

Christmas came early yesterday. Not only did Sunday Night - a dire Australian current affairs program - screen an interview with Beyoncé, they also debuted her "Love On Top" video. Well, a 90 second preview. Not that I'm complaining. I almost choked on a Tim Tam when the clip started. We all know there are videos for "Party" and "End Of Time" gathering dust on Bey's hard drive but I honestly doubted the existence of this one. Surely it would have made more sense to release it straight after the VMAs. You know, when the song was top 10 on iTunes. But better late than never. After overcoming the shock, I had a stunning epiphany. "Love On Top" is clearly a tribute to fellow pop icon La Toya Jackson. It makes sense. They are both peerless beauties, powerhouse vocalists and big in Poland. Furthermore, Bey said that "4" was inspired by R&B legends like Prince and Stevie Wonder. She obviously just forgot to mention Toy Toy. Here are 5 undeniably compelling reasons why "Love On Top" is a moving homage to the thinking man's Jackson.

1. That cap

This was a dead giveaway. When you think about cap wearing mega-stars, who automatically springs to mind? La Toya Jackson. The raven-haired goddess made leather caps the ultimate fashion trend of the 1980s for gay men and soul singers. I'm so glad Bey is bringing it back!

2. Breathtaking choreography

One look at La Toya's "Bad Girl" video (above) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is the true dancing machine of the Jackson clan. So naturally the most successful artist of the millennium threw in a compelling routine to honour Toy's ground-breaking contribution to modern dance.

3. The Motown sound

"Love On Top" harks back to the sweet soul of Motown - a genre synonymous with La Toya. Listen to her exquisite cover of "Stop In The Name Of Love" if you require further convincing.

4. Her outfit

I thought Bey's leotard looked familiar. She was obviously rifling through Matthew's old VHS collection and found a well-used copy of Toy's Playboy video. The resemblance is uncanny!

5. The low-budget production

Seriously, the only thing cheaper than "Love On Top" is Toy Toy's exquisite "(Ain't Nobody Loves You) Like I Do". And like that 80s classic, the visual fits the song perfectly and still slays all your faves. The end.

Watch in awe as Bey tackles Toy's legacy below.

Elen Levon Competition Winners

Thanks to everyone who entered my competition to win a signed "Naughty" promo CD single. The song is set to debut at number 60 on this week's ARIA chart, which is a great achievement for a new artist. With any luck that will rise as the song continues to gain spins on radio! But now for the winners. The following Elen Levon fans have won a copy of 17 year old's catchy anthem:

@Azza316
@jordddz
@Gaosalad
@jordanhirst
@LAjredini
@DanielJay92
@trigmoxie
@Ryan_Ogden
@shortielaura

Congratulations! Send me a note with your details (my email is listed under my profile on the top right) and I'll put your promo in the post. Oh and here's a cute behind-the-scenes documentary from the rising pop star's recent industry showcase. Check out Elen in action (below). That was really fun night.

Beyoncé - Countdown - Video Review

While Rihanna is busy running around an Irish field with her National Geographic tits flapping in the breeze in a desperate bid to hype her "We Found Love" film clip, Beyoncé has just delivered a one-woman workshop on how to make a timeless music video. Five months pregnant and fully clothed. I guess that's how you separate a great artist from a label puppet but I digress. "Countdown" is everything the glorious preview promised and more. Blending influences as disparate as Charlie Chaplin and Fame, the Adria Petty-directed extravaganza is an unexpectedly bright and colourful ride through Mod fashion, 50s musicals and 80s pop art. It might sound like overkill but the video flows seamlessly from scene to scene, assisted by the stop-and-start nature of the song. The thread that holds the whole thing together is the sense of joy that Bey exudes in every frame. I don't know if it's impending motherhood or just the knowledge that she's better than your faves but this woman is seriously happy. And it shows. As for highlights, there are too many to mention - "Countdown" is bliss from beginning to end - but here are a few random thoughts about the best video of 2011:

1. Beyoncé is a gay man in a woman's body. Her knowledge and appreciation of movie musicals is a complete give away. She revisited Sweet Charity in "Get Me Bodied", famously recreated Bob Fosse's Mexican Breakfast dance routine in "Single Ladies" and now serves up lashings of Funny Face and Bye Bye Birdie.

2. Speaking of Funny Face, has the most successful artist of the millennium ever looked more beautiful than when she channels Audrey Hepburn in that black turtleneck and slacks combination?

3. Jazz hands are back!

4. I love that Bey made a point of showing off her baby bump. Most divas would be hiding behind a flowing curtain in a dark room by this stage but her pride at being up the duff just adds to the video's already off-the-chart feel-good quotient.

5. Those crazy facial expressions give me life.

6. The Bye Bye Birdie dance sequence is amazing. At first I was perplexed by the sped-up choreography but it gives the scene a dream-like quality that makes the jumps between different eras and outfits work.

7. It's truly heartwarming that B.B. Homemaker could sober up long enough to drop by for a cameo - wearing her hateful husband's stylish pink business shirt no less.

8. I stan for the random school band!

9. The small army of Beyoncé clones on the steps is a clear nod to Adria Petty's own "Sweet Dreams" video.

10. Whoever edited this deserves an award. It's so intricate and perfectly put together.

11. "Halo" even gets a reference in the dance studio scene! It's so cute in a Fame-gone-right kind of way. However, that hair... girl, Ms Kelly called and wants her "Simply Deep" wig back.

12. Best outfit goes to the chain-metal dress at the end.

13. Who knew that white socks and black pumps could look so fetching?

14. The final shot of Bey smiling adorably sums the whole clip up. This is a delirious love letter of a video that gets the serotonin pumping through your system like the first day of summer.

15. How is "Party" ever going to top this?

10/10

From Here To Anywhere - Album Review

This is a revised version of a review I wrote for Channel V, which might explain why it's a bit more... restrained than usual. Enjoy!

Sneaky Sound System's third album picks up where their underrated 2008 sophomore effort "2" left off - with a dreamy mix of '80s synths and cutting-edge electronica. Only this time around, the Australian duo is less concerned with crafting radio-ready pop hits (although there is no shortage of singleworthy material) and more intent on putting their own unique spin on an ambitious array of dance music sub-genres.

Album opener "Friends" rides a thumping bassline all the way to a gigantic chorus that heralds the return of two of the nation's best songsmiths. The track is seeped in lashings of late '90s house-beats, which should prove irresistible to clubbers and pop fans alike. That gem is followed by their current radio hit "Big" and the album's misguided lead single "We Love". The latter is the easily the weakest moment on "From Here To Anywhere" and, unfortunately, gives a false impression of what the third-coming of Sneaky Sound System is all about.

Happily, that generic club-banger makes way for the shimmery "Really Want To See You Again" and all is forgiven. Miss Connie really shows her vocal chops on this effortlessly pretty tune and continues to mine the heartbreak on the Human League-inspired "Remember". Albeit this time against a towering wall of synths. After a couple of sonic detours, the duo return to more commercial ground on "The Colours" and "I Need You So". Both are expertly crafted floorfillers and will, no doubt, find their way to a nightclub near year you in the not too distant future.

Perhaps more interesting is the ambitious "1984", which sounds like a bizarre cross between Pet Shop Boys and Enigma. The quirky lyrics and experimental production flourishes mark this as one of the band's most accomplished tunes. "I'm Not Leaving", on the other hand, is the record's pure pop moment. An irresistibly catchy blend of '80s Donna Summer and early noughties Kylie Minogue, this summery tune is destined to be a future single.

The album closes with "Lovetown", a sexy Balearic anthem that shows how far Miss Connie and Black Angus have come in the past three years. "From Here To Anywhere" is a perfectly judged comeback from one of the country's most consistently brilliant pop acts.

8/10

Edit: My only criticism of this fantastic album is the lack of killer singles. It suffers a bit from Aphrodite-itis. there are lots of very good songs but only two that really scream out to be played on the radio ("Big" and "I'm Not Leaving"). I like that the band is exploring new sounds but it would be sad to see them descend into the cool-electronica-that-nobody-buys ghetto currently occupied by Miami Horror and Cut Copy.