I'm coming out... as an Avril stan!

I've always liked Avril. She might come across as a miserable bitch with a chip on her shoulder the size of Lady Gaga's penis but her music is hot. I never got around to reviewing "Goodbye Lullaby" on the blog but it would easily place in my top 10 albums of 2011. Thus far. Admittedly, it's not quite in the same league as her brilliant 2004 opus "Under My Skin" - which is one of my favourite albums of all time - but in comparison to the soulless shit being served up by Britney and Rihanna, it's a fucking masterpiece. At first I thought it was a little light on singles but with each new spin, I become more and more convinced that songs like "Push", "Wish You Were Here" and "I Love You" could be hits. A lot is riding on the second single. If "Smile" takes off, Avril has a (small) chance of snatching her pop/rock crown back from Pink. If not, it's only a matter of time before we see her co-anchoring The Voice next to Xtina. Actually that would be kind of amazing! But back to "Smile". The perky Max Martin/Shellback produced brat anthem is a total winner. Catchy, radio friendly and infused with enough attitude to keep the kids happy - this should do well with a decent video and a bit of promotion. Now Avril just needs to drag her bony arse back to Sydney for a tour. Nobody mopes around stage looking bored shitless better than her!

Cascada is back!

A couple of days ago I wrote a post about Havana Brown, calling her the Australian Cascada. Well, the real deal is back with a new single to put the pretenders in check! Or at least try to. My love/hate relationship with the German trio isn't exactly a secret. They have churned out some truly rancid shit over the years but I love Natalie's child-bearing hips and they occasionally get it oh so right. See "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Pyromania". While I don't think "San Francisco" is quite in that league, it is a nice change of pace for the group. The third single from their soon-to-be-released 4th studio album (second if you overlook the scrapped trainwreck that was "Night Nurse"), Cascada's ode to the gayest city in the world is a cheerfully inoffensive pop jam that takes the bpm down a couple of notches. I like the inane chorus and think there's something admirably 90s about the whole project. The video is also typically cheesy Cascada fare that finds Natalie channelling her inner hippy. That fabulous bitch has always looked like her pill just kicked in, so it's not much of a stretch. But that fringed leather jacket was always a no. Oh and for the record, Havana does it better.

Is Pattyboy the worst pop star of all time?

That was a rhetorical question because the answer is clearly yes! Pattyboy is the hottest mess to grace Pop Trash Addicts in its long and sordid history. With the voice of an unautotuned Kim Kardashian, dance moves that Katherine Hepburn perfected shortly before leaving this mortal coil and a wardrobe of outfits that look like rejects from Perez Hilton's short lived fashion line, this gay drags pop music to shocking new depths. But I'm not gonna hate. In fact, New Zealand's self-proclaimed male Lady Gaga - I just can't - is my new hero! It takes balls of steel (or a mental illness) to put yourself out there with this little talent and, let's face it, his music is still probably better than half of "Born This Way".

Take his amazing breakthrough hit "Disco Erection". The stunning club banger finds Pattyboy doing aerobics in his mother's old lyrca gym shorts on the floor of a nightclub while singing saying classy lyrics like "drink it up, bend and suck, get fucked". Doesn't it make you proud to be gay? No? Well, how about his glorious gay pride anthem "Wear Your Colours"? I might need to lay off the marijuana but I actually think there's a nice song hiding somewhere inside this heinous trainwreck. It has a sweet message and is a radical improvement on "Disco Erection" but Pattyboy's non-existent vocal ability and criminal dress sense ensure this will be another entry on the worst songs of all time countdown. Shame. As shit as he is, I'm kind of glad the taste-blind Kiwi is deluded enough to keep at it. And, truth be told, I can't wait to see what new depth he plumbs next!

Third time lucky for Auburn?

Auburn is one of my favourite fledgling pop divas. Her debut "La La La" was a fun slice of JR Rotem produced urban dance - complete with a catchy ATC sample - but it was her second single that really won me over. "All About Him" showed the 22-year-old beauty in a completely different light. I loved the cute retro-pop sound and softer vocal but, unfortunately, it never quite caught on and failed to chart in the US. Fingers crossed she has more luck with single number three. "Perfect Two" is already something of a phenomenon on YouTube, clocking up over 30 million views, and is steadily climbing the iTunes top 200. So far, so good! And it's easy to see the appeal. Auburn's latest jam is so sweet it will rot your teeth. An acoustic love song bursting with quotable lyrics like "you can be the vodka and I can be the chaser", this will be the soundtrack to weddings and anniversaries for years to come. All it needs is a cute video, a bit of promotion and Auburn could have the commercial breakthrough she thoroughly deserves. Put your cynicism aside for four minutes and fall in love with "Perfect Two". Now when is this smash being released in Australia?

The Hoff's new hit

I'm a little concerned that my blog is getting a bit too classy with posts about high brow acts like Lissie, Aloe Blacc and Melissa Tkautz - so I thought I'd write a quick post about David Hasselhoff's latest smash to get back to my trash roots. The Baywatch star is notoriously popular in Germany and his latest album is already a top 30 hit over there. I'm so jealous. They get Kim Gloss and The Hoff? Life just isn't fair. But I digress. "It's A Real Good Feeling" is the lead single from the sexy 58-year-old's new opus and it's as classy as we've come to expect from this undisputed musical genius. A cover of Peter Kent's 1980 number one hit, the track is a hot mess that showcases David's breathtaking vocals and unique brand of crazy. I particularly love the video. Make sure you keep watching until the 2:20 minute mark for the best special effects of 2011! In all seriousness, I worship the Hoff and hopes he keeps churning out the hits (in Germany) for decades to come. Brace yourself for a real good feeling and click below!

Read my lips - Melissa Tkautz is back!

I'm so overwhelmed with excitement I can hardly breath - let alone type - so I'll keep this short and sweet. Pop trash icon Melissa Tkautz is about to embark on yet another comeback! Feel free to fall to your knees and start praising Jesus! The former E Street actress turned era-defining pop icon is one of my all time faves. My very first post, way back in 2006, was devoted to her unparalleled fabulousness and she's been a regular on the blog ever since. So what is legendary sex symbol up to now? It appears she's lent her heavenly vocals to a new club anthem by Ministry of Sound DJ Nick Jay. The future #1 smash is called "Something About You" and has a subtle Latin flavour that will make it perfect for the summer months. Which makes the decision to drop a preview in the middle of Winter slightly perplexing but Melissa works in mysterious ways! Check out the amazing promo clip below. Bondi beach looks amazing and Melissa gets a stunning plug. Please let there be a saucy video clip featuring Ms Tkautz rolling around half naked in the sand and another amazing live performance on Sunrise.

Introducing Doll Phace

Doll Phace is my new crush. Not only does she have the best name in music but her new single "Let's Go To Vegas" is something of a jam. I have to admit I don't know a lot about the stunning beauty but it appears she's some kind of a mogul - running production company called TVMG as well as writing and producing various film and TV projects. The girl formerly known as Monica Lloyd even directed her own video clip. Bitches, need to step aside. Doll Phace got this! "Let's Go To Vegas" is a lot of fun. The synthtastic production is straight from the Taio Cruz handbook. I like the classy gambling metaphors and cute chorus. Snoop's cameo is a welcome addition to the song and balances out the fluffy verses. Although I'm guessing he'll put this somewhere below "Get 'Em Girls" on his CV. The video is fairly simply - basically Doll Phace poses in a series of seductive outfits while some dudes play cards and look bored but it's a bright and colourful ride that suits the song perfectly. Girlfriend just needs to hook up with Khia for the Thug Misses remix and I'll be in heaven!