Ke$ha's Cannibal - My Psychic Review

The tracklist for Ke$ha's "Cannibal" has finally hit the net and the song titles alone have sent the blood rushing to my man parts. I'm convinced the holy pop icon/genre defining musical maverick has the album of the year on her hands. "We R Who We R" is already a #1 smash on US iTunes and the just leaked "Sleazy" showcases Ke$ha's incomparable versatility. There hasn't been a move this unexpected since Paris revived reggae with "Stars Are Blind"! The anticipation is killing me. So instead of waiting until the 22nd of November to review the legendary diva's sure to be stunning opus, I thought I'd do it now. Sure, I've only heard three tracks but I'm not going to let a minor detail like that rain on my parade. So after dusting off my crystal ball, consulting my tarot cards and dialling mystic Meg - here is my pre-release review of "Cannibal":

1. Cannibal

The opening track is bound to be a generation defining anthem. Ke$ha is known for her subtle, ambiguous lyrics - so this could be about anything but the spirits are telling me it's a metaphor for reinvention set to a hard electro background with a spine tingling chorus. Think Lady Gaga's "Monster" - only 100 times better.

2. We R Who We R

Ke$ha's stunning commentary on gay suicide has already been widely acknowledged as a modern classic and should sweep next year's Grammy awards. There's not a lot to say apart from your faves could never!

3. Sleazy

I have to admit this Bangladesh produced jam tested my faith in our Queen. Under normal circumstances, I'd suggest Ke$ha leave the urban club bangers for true hood divas like Jessica Mauboy and Willow Smith but after three or four listens I was completely hooked. "Sleazy" (bottom of post) is the hip hop song of the year. This inspiring anthem will provide solace to reformed gold diggers everywhere, while the lyric "beats so phat gonna make me cum" will live on forever. Amazing.

4. Blow

Hmmm, the cards tell me Ke$ha has penned a tune about snorting coke from a toilet seat while being fucked from behind. Either that or it's an alt-country ballad about inflating balloons. You decide.

5. The Harold Song

Obviously a touching tribute to Ian Smith from Neighbours.

6. Crazy Beautiful Life

I'm thinking a cover of Seal's "Crazy" mashed with the Ace of Base classic "Beautiful Life".

7. Grow A Pear

The lazy interpretation of this title is another song about a bad boyfriend who needs to grow a pair of balls and be a man. But that's too obvious for one of the sharpest minds of our times. Rather, I suspect Ke$ha's has written a song about organic farming in a bid to singlehandedly stop global warming. Grow a pear, people!

8. C U Next Tuesday

Originally titled "C.U.N.T.", this song has been doing the rounds for a couple of years now. I'm glad she finally included it on "Cannibal" because it's always been one of my faves - and the closest Ke$ha will probably ever get to a cute, low key semi-acoustic ballad.

9. Animal (Billboard Remix)

The title track of her glorious debut really should have been a single, so I'm glad to see it getting some love here. I'm hoping for a cheesy Almighty/Bimbo Jones-esque remix but knowing how Ke$ha likes to keep things dark and dirty, it will probably sound like a Marilyn Manson track from the 90s.

10/10

Eva - Ke$ha Approved Newcomer

So Eva is a new American pop diva with really bad taste in heels if the cover of "Not My Daddy" is any indication (above). Usually that alone would be enough for me to feature her on the blog but what makes her even more amazing is the co-writer of her official debut single. I know it's hard to believe but Queen Ke$ha took time away from revolutionising pop music as we know it to pen this stunning anthem. Either that or Eva found it rotting in a bin outside Ke$ha's mansion but I digress. "Not My Daddy" is big, dumb fun. The song sounds like a B-side from "Animal" - yes, it's that good! - only slightly more bubblegum and considerably less in your face. Which isn't surprising given that Eva cites Britney Spears at her "Oops!...I Did It Again" peak (LOL) as her inspiration. But I won't hold that sad fact against her. Give the track a listen and check out this brief behind the scenes clip from her soon to be released video. I love her already!

Beyoncé & The CD/DVD of 2010

Beyoncé's "I Am" tour was literally a life changing experience for me. I can still remember every second of it including the dodgy hot dog I ate before the show and the land speed record I set running to the bathroom between "Me, Myself & I" and "Ego". Beyoncé had always been a favourite of mine but I walked out of Acer Arena a total convert to the Dereon dressed deity. Her voice, talent and incomparable beauty took my breath away. You can read my review here. Well, after Sony vehemently denying the concert would ever be released, "I Am... World Tour" will finally hit shelves on the 30th of November - just in time for Christmas. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving! If that's not exciting enough, the tour is also being released as a live CD (above) and the DVD is rumoured to include a compilation of performances from around the world, allowing fans to see footage of the show they attended. Amazing. Here is the set list. I can not wait to re-live the glory of the best concert I have ever seen!

1. I Am… (Instrumental introduction)
2. Déjà Vu (Tour Skit)
3. Crazy In Love (Special appearance Jay- Z)
4. Naughty Girl
5. Freakum Dress
6. Get Me Bodied
7. Get Me Bodied Extended Mix (Dance Interlude)
8. Smash Into You
9. Ave Maria
10. Broken-Hearted Girl
11. If I Were a Boy Outtakes (Video Interlude)
12. If I Were a Boy/You Oughta Know
13. Fierce Cheetah Diva (Video Interlude)
14. Diva
15. Beyoncé’s Radio
16. Radio
17. Me, Myself and I
18. Ego (featuring Kanye West)
19. Hello
20. Divinty Roxx Bass Jam/The Mama’s Medley

21. Heads or Tails (Video Interlude)
22. Sasha Prevails (Instrumental Interlude)
23. Baby Boy
24. Irreplaceable
25. Sweet Dreams
26. Check on It
27. Bootylicious
28. Bug A Boo
29. Jumpin’ Jumpin’
30. Upgrade U
31. Video Phone
32. Say My Name
33. The History of Destiny’s Child
34. Survivor (Video Interlude)
35. At Last
36. Listen
37. Scared Of Lonely
38. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) (Video Interlude)
39. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)
40. Halo
41. Outro

Kylie, Nelly & Shakira In A Car Park

Seriously, I'm away from the computer for 24 hours and all my faves decide to get busy. I don't know how the professional bloggers keep up! First diva off the rank is Kylie. Just when I was starting to feel hopeful for her chart prospects again after hearing "Higher", the cover for the third single from "Aphrodite" appears online (above). It looks like we're stuck with "Better Than Today". Why are they even bothering with this boring flop? I hate the cover. Kylie's face looks so severe and it sounds like a Scissor Sisters B-side from 2003. Jake & Co can't even give their music away these days - I doubt Kylie's going to do much better. The frustrating thing is that she's sitting on two or three big hits. Remix "Put Your Hands Up" to sound a little less cute and you've got a top 10 hit or unleash "Cupid Boy" and reclaim the clubs. Whatever. I'm over it. Someone wake me when the re-release is ready! In the meantime I'm going to watch this glamorous Dancing With The Stars performance on repeat. Kylie's body is rocking and I love that horse hair wig. Dannii must be so jealous that Kylie is now the pretty Minogue!

I posted Nelly Furtado's new single a couple of days ago and no one seemed to care. Which is pretty reflective of its (non-existent) chart position! Oh well, fuck you all. I still love her! Anyway, the Canadian pop diva's Spanish remix album has just been released - in Europe - and I'm counting down the days until my incredibly overpriced copy arrives in the post. Admittedly, I have most of the remixes already but the cover is pretty (below) and I'd pay 16 Euros for the Robbie Rivera mix of "Maons Al Aire" alone. Here's the tracklist:

1. Fuerte (Original English Version)
2. Manos Al Aire (Robbie Rivera Radio Mix)
3. Mas (Feat. Tony Dize) (Urban Remix)
4. Bajo Otra Luz (Humby Remix)
5. Fuerte (Twisted Dee Club Remix)
6. Manos Al Aire (Juan Magan Remix)
7. Mas (Rebirth Demolition Crew Mix)
8. Bajo Otra Luz (Dancehall Yogi Remix)
9. Fuerte (Humby Urban Club Mix)
10. Manos Al Aire (Tiesto Remix)
11. Bajo Otra Luz (Rebirth Demolition Mix)
12. Fuerte (Cajjmere Wray Hot Sweat Mix)

Last but most definitely not least is Shakira. I'm seriously obsessed with this woman. "Sale El Sol" is already one of my favourite albums of 2010 and I'm contemplating flying to the other side of the world to catch her in concert. If I totally lose my mind and decide to go, the bitch had better pull this stunt again. After a concert in America, she decided to take the party to the carpark and sing "Loca" on top of a car - Avril Lavigne "Sk8r Boi" style. I'm sure it was a well rehearsed grab for publicity but I couldn't give a shit. This performance (below) basically sums up everything I love about Shakira. She's wild, raw and more than a little bit nuts. Stay tuned for my "Sale El Sol" review in the near future. It really is well worth hunting down. Just don't hold your breath waiting for Sony Australia to release it.

Kimberley Cole - Smack You

Why isn't every blog on the net raving about Kimberley Cole's latest masterpiece? "Smack You" blows the pretenders out of the water with its amazing lyrics ("I'm gonna kick you right between the hips, 'cause you're such a catty bitch") and fabulous Lady Gaga on a budget production values. And that's not even touching on the 5 minute "Kill Bill" inspired video (video), which finds Kimmy beating the shit out of her lover's mistress after the ho has the audacity to say "I fucked yo man" over a friendly game of cards. The rudeness! To be honest I don't know that much about Kim. I have a feeling she's one of those internet sensations that have millions of followers on Twitter but no real career to speak of. However, that should all change very soon because this kind of talent can't be denied! A case in point is the song's lofty #32 position on the US club chart. Watch out, dance divas - there's a new girl on the block and she's not afraid to fight dirty! "Smack You" and its remix package are available to download now from iTunes.

Korean Diva Copies Kylie

Poor Ami Suzuki must be shaking in her stilettos. And, no. Avex hasn't kicked her to the curb - yet- for having more flops fan releases than Dannii. Rather, her cherished reputation as Asia's biggest Kylie copycat is under fire. The culprit that dares to fuck with the legendary Miss Suzuki? A newcomer from Korea called NS Yoon Ji (or NS 윤지 if you want to be fancy). As much as I want to hate this hot bitch for cutting Ami's grass, I can't. Stealing from Kylie is a sure sign of exquisite taste and her song is genuinely amazing. But before I get on to that - let's get the Minogue thievery out of the way. "X" must have left a lasting impression in Asia because the video concepts for "Wow" and "In My Arms" keep on getting recycled. NS Yoon Ji clearly believes that more is more and rips off both. The neon glow sticks and white wig (at approximately 35 seconds) are more than a little familiar, while the boxes that appear around the 1:10 minute mark will have you asking yourself - how do you describe a feeling?

Ok, so the video is less authentic than the Louis Vuitton purse you bought your least favourite aunt in China Town for $15 but that doesn't mean it's bad. Unlike the handbag. For starters, Ms Ji actually looks hot in that damn wig and dances up a storm with moves not seen since BoA's "Eat You Up" video. Extra points for paying homage to Dannii by re-enacting the telephone scene from "All I Wanna Do". You just know Ami is kicking herself for not ripping that off first! The song itself is a revelation. I haven't been this taken with a K-pop anthem since Mina released her last flop. "Dance" is a vocodered explosion of pop perfection. I love the catchy chorus and fierce production. However, the rap almost steals the show. "Shake it like a tambourine" is my new favourite saying! So where can you get NS Yoon Ji's modern classic? It's on her album (looks more like an EP to me) called "Time To Fly High". I'm not sure where to order a physical copy - I plan to ask random Koreans on the street - but it's pretty easy to find online. I think I have a new obsession...

Kylie & Taio Cruz - Higher

I have a sickness for Taio Cruz. His songs all sound the same and he's only slightly less derivative than Jason Derulo (another favourite of mine) but I haven't stopped playing his album all year. Speaking of "Rokstarr", one of the highlights of that stunning opus has just been recycled into a duet with Kylie. The new and improved version of "Higher" leaked late last week and any hesitations I had about this most unlikely of collaborations disappeared instantly. Unlike the vast majority of "Aphrodite", I can actually imagine this on Australian radio. Taio is so hot right now and hopefully some of that popularity will rub off on Kylie. Don't worry - this isn't a re-repeat of the Ludacris version of "Chocolate" (even though I secretly love that hot mess!) - "Higher" is a dance track and is a surprisingly good fit for the elderly Minogue's voice. I'm particularly glad she gets the best line in the song: "I got this high without taking a pill". Scandal! Only one question remains. What is this actually for? The latest re-release of "Rokstarr" or the planned re-release of "Aphrodite"? I just hope Parlo and/or Warner have to sense to release "Higher" as a single over the three and a half minute cure for insomnia otherwise known as "Better Than Today". On past performance, I won't be holding my breath.

Dave Audé Interview

Dave Audé is a dance music legend. If you've ever set foot in a nightclub, chances are you've heard one of his original tunes or killer remixes. Since his arrival on the dance scene in the early 90s, Dave has developed a reputation as the go to guy for all the big names - having remixed massive club hits for Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Britney, Ke$ha and even my homegirl Deni Hines! America's hottest DJ is also an extremely successful artist in his own right. His recent collaboration with Luciana ("Figure It Out") was a #1 club smash and I'm told there could be a follow up on the way. Dave was kind enough to talk to me about all of these accomplishments in a recent interview. He also fill me in on his future plans and gave some interesting insights into his work. Here's what Mr Audé had to say:

Dave, most pop fans probably know you from your remixes. How did you get involved in that side of production?
Fell into it really. Remixing is really producing, isn't it? In 1995 I was making a lot of records for electronic artists/djs and Reprise Records called me to remix Bare Naked Ladies "One Week". I loved remixing and taking the song in a new direction and my love of remixing was born.

How do you explain your unprecedented success on the US dance chart? I heard that you’ve remixed over 40 chart toppers!
65 as of last week! lol. I work very hard, I deliver solid mixes consistently and I'm able to make mixes that appeal to different types of listeners - pop, dance, straight, gay, radio, underground, etc etc. I've done so many remixes at this point that people hire me because they know they are gonna get something that the artist will like as well.

You must get asked this all the time but do you have a favourite mix or one that’s special for a certain reason. I’ll never get tired of your “Halo” remix. It’s so beautiful.
That's like asking a parent who their favorite child is. Every song is different. Some projects are special because of the artist (Beyoncé, Gaga, Britney, U2, Madonna). Some projects are special because of the song (Plumb "Hang On", Alexis Jordan "Happiness", La Roux "Bulletproof") but really when I'm working, every song is special at least for the moment, it's only later when I go back and listen do I know if the song has any lasting effects.....

All the big names have you on speed dial. Does it ever sink in that you’re helping to create the sound of superstars like Beyoncé, Madonna and Kaci Battaglia?
It does and I'm very, very lucky. I'm not sure if the artists appreciate me as much as the labels or listeners but I'd like to think so.

In addition to the A Listers, you also remix a lot of smaller acts. How does someone like Carmen Reece hook up with you? Your mix of “Raindrop” is one of my favourite songs of the year!
I treat every project the same whether it's Gaga or Carmen Reece and I try and leave opportunities open to work on independent artist mixes because you never know who the next A Listers are gonna be....

Do you ever hear a song and think - damn, that’s complete shit? If so, do you turn the mix down or try to do the best with what you’ve got?
If the vocal is complete shit, I won't do it. Most of the time I'm working on a song where I think the original track is complete shit so it's fun and compelling for me to turn it into something better.

You’re also an extremely accomplished artist in your own right. Will you be concentrating on your own music more in the future?
I would like to say that's my goal, but it's hard balancing my stuff and the wave of work I have to sort through. I've never really been keen on promoting "Dave Audé", I'd rather promote another artist and be the guy behind the scenes.

Well, that might change with the success of your recent #1 club smash “Figure It Out”. It’s such a hot track - are you going to film a video and push it to radio? I think it’s a hit.
Thinking about that right now. Sometimes you just gotta let song do what they do on their own.

Isha Coco is actually UK dance legend Luciana. How did the collaboration come about and was it your idea for her to try such a different vocal style?
She is a HUGE talent as you know and I think that the Isha Coco sound is actually Luciana, it's just not what she's famous for. She has so much talent and has written so many great pop songs. I'm excited for the world to hear some different sides to her!!!

I hear you guys are working on another track together. Is it for her EP with Interscope or a track for Audacious records? Can you tell us a bit about it.
She is signed to Interscope so we are concentrating on making some huge records for Luci to go out and tour the world with! But Isha Coco might have another one coming at some point!!!

Who else are you producing at the moment?
Nicole (Scherzinger). Remixing Ke$ha, Natasha Bedingfield, and Nadine Coyle.

Why do you think the US dance music scene is so different to Europe and Australia?
US Radio is lame. But they are slowly but surely catching up. Urban (Hip-Hop/Rap) has been so huge in America so it's been a struggle to get radio to take chances with dance/electronic. They still dont really get the "dj is an artist" thing, but that's changing.

Tell me about Girlicious. I love that band. Are you still in touch with them?
I speak to the girls now and then. I'm happy for their success. They are massive in Canada, I'm waiting for them to have a hit in the US, any day now.....

What are your 5 favourite dance tracks at the moment?
Tiesto/Diplo "C'Mon" - finally Tiesto, jesus!
Yenson "My Feeling" (Deniz Koyu Remix) - puts a smile on your face!!
Tim Berg (Avicii) "Seek Bromance" - new vocal is HUUUUGE!!
Erika Jayne "One Hot Pleasure" (yet to be released) - produced this and wrote with Luciana!!
Erick Morillo/Eddie Thoneick "Live Your Life" (Chuckie Remix) - older track that I refuse to forget!

I'd love to see you behind the decks again in Sydney. When are you coming back?
I was just in Sydney in August but I'd love to come back, let's do it!!!

My favourite Dave Audé remix

Lucero - My New Mexican Obsession

Mexican pop music continues to blow my mind. It's hard to believe that so many glorious divas could emerge from the one nation - María José, Ninel Conde, Fey, Patricia Manterola and Lorena Herrera. So much talent and beauty! Well, I have a new name to add to that long list. A couple of days ago my Mexipop soulmate Joe introduced me to Lucero and it was love at first listen. The glamorous songbird is a living legend at home. She released her first album as a 13 year old in 1982 and is still going strong today. Lucero's latest opus (above) hit stores last month and the video for the album's second single debuted recently. Nothing will prepare you for fabulousness of "Indispensable". A 41 year old balladeer jumping on the electro-pop bandwagon - complete with a film clip that channels Lady Gaga and Britney Spears circa 2000 - is hard to beat! As much as I love the song, it's all about the visuals for me. The cheap special effects, dubious choreography and unfortunate outfits combine to create the video of the year (below). Seriously, this makes Fey's iconic "Let Me Show You" look like "Bad Romance"! Truly breathtaking. The annoying thing is I now have 21 albums to catch up on. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm buying this masterpiece for the cover alone!

Nelly Furtado - Night Is Young

You know Christmas is coming when the shops begin to flood with 'greatest hits' packages and cynically timely re-releases. I really couldn't give a shit about most of them - with the obvious exception of Queen Ke$ha's future classic "Cannibal" - but I'll definitely grab a copy of "The Best Of Nelly Furtado" when it hits stores on the 15th of November. The Canadian pop star has always been a favourite of mine. I was literally obsessed with her debut album to the point where my ex-boyfriend threw it out the car window to avoid hearing "I'm Like A Bird" one more time. What a cunt! Then "Folklore" came along and I fell for her new, softer sound but also happily went along for the ride when she sold out and jumped on the Timbaland bandwagon. Nelly is nothing if not versatile!

Since "Loose" propelled the diva back to the A List, she's been busy working on a number of side projects like her beautiful Spanish album "Mi Plan" (I don't care about her pronunciation, haters!) as well as collaborations with N.E.R.D. and Tiesto. I guess that makes Nelly's latest single a comeback of sorts - being her first solo, English language release since 2007's "Do It". Has it really been that long? The reaction to "Night Is Young" has been a bit mixed but, as usual, I'm on board. It's not the deepest song Nelly has ever written but I like the upbeat lyrics and fun chorus. With everyone from P!nk to Katy Perry churning out mindless party anthems, it would have been nice for her to do something different but I'm not complaining. "Night is Young" will do nicely over summer. There isn't a video yet but Nelly recently performed an acoustic version (below), which I think I actually prefer. She looks and sounds gorgeous. Can't wait to hear the other new tracks!

Nice Try, Willow Smith But You're No Ashley Tisdale!

Unless you've been living under a rock or have no computer (which is basically the same thing), chances are you're already familiar with Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair". Over the past couple of weeks the song has become a cult phenomenon with parodies and cover versions flooding the internet. At first I thought it was just the novelty of Will Smith's daughter releasing a single but "Whip My Hair" is genuinely catchy - albeit in a slightly annoying and repetitive kind of way. I guess I also find it amusing that a 9 year old girl has put all the pretenders in check. "Whip My Hair" is fiercer than anything RiRi or CiCi has released in years! Willow also brings her A game to the video (below), which isn't half as cringeworthy as I expected. I'm not sure how I feel about a bunch of kids dancing like Kaci Battaqlia at a strip joint but it's cute and colourful. Most of all, it warms my heart that Willow recycled Eva Simons' wig from "Silly Boy"! Respect. However, as much as I'm warming to the new and improved Rihanna, there's one hurdle I can't quite overcome. Every time I hear "Whip My Hair" I get the urge to play Ashley Tisdale's stunning and vastly superior hair anthem.

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE

Of all the flop albums released by Disney queens (Vanessa Hudgens, Emily Osment etc), Ashley Tisdale's appropriately titled "Guilty Pleasure" is the most underrated. Released in 2009, the diva's sophomore album is a veritable treasure trove of trashy pop music. It only spawned one single - the fabulous Kelly Clarkson rip off "It's Alright, It's OK" - but has since developed a cult following thanks to amazing gems like "Hair". I almost wet myself laughing the first time I heard Ashley's ode to luscious locks. What drugs where the songwriters smoking when they came up with this stunning verse?

Tonight I'm gonna fix it up real nice
My Shirley Temple curls, I want you to mess 'em up
I'll put on a bow 'cause I want you to know
That you got your name on my heart

The track is utterly ridiculous from beginning to end but I'm completely obsessed. I love the jawdroppingly bad lyrics, revel in the tacky chorus and ache for the diva's read thin vocals. "Hair" is a slice of pop trash heaven! I guess that's my problem with "Whip My Hair". Willow is just too classy to compete with a heavenly being like Ashley. Team Tisdale all the way!

I Hate That I Love This!

I'm so annoyed. Pixie Lott was the bitch I loved to hate. "Mama Do" is so bad it belongs on "3 Words" and her whole Duffy for readers of FHM schtick makes me want to vomit. But then she released "Gravity" - sublime in its remixed form - and the genuinely lovely "Turn It Up". The jury, however, was still out until I heard "Broken Arrow". The lead single from Pixie's recently re-released debut album is a hot mess but I love it. Toby Gad knows his way around a soppy power ballad (Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" for example) and I connect with the overwrought lyrics despite some of the worst metaphors in recent memory. It also finally dawned on me that Pixie has a great voice when she's not trying to imitate whoever is currently ripping off Dusty Springfield. The glamorous diva suits a more contemporary sound and should do better internationally with something like this. I even rate the video (below) - despite the fact it blatantly copies Beyoncé's "Halo". There's soft lighting, a dance studio and natural make-up. The only thing missing is an underwater shot and a flowing white dress! Oh wait. I guess if you're going to be a thief, you might as well steal from the best...

Luciana On Kylie, Sarah Harding & Australia

On Saturday Luciana returns to Australia for the fourth time in 2010. It's another lightening fast trip for the dance icon but I'm hoping to catch up with her again at the Fat As Butter music festival in Newcastle. Last time she was here I managed to pin her down for an interview but held off posting it until the article was published. A couple of weeks ago it unexpectedly turned up on the cover of the Southern Star Observer in Melbourne - so I guess it's about time I shared it with you! I'm really proud of how it turned out. Luci spills the beans on her US record deal, talks about writing for Kylie and comments on her ongoing love affair with Australia. Oh and she mentions that lady boy from Girls Aloud but I won't hold that against her. Enjoy!

2010 is turning into something of a banner year for Luciana.

After years of lending her signature ‘shouty’ vocal to a seemingly endless string of underground dance tracks, the UK’s reigning club queen has finally crossed over to the mainstream and carved out a niche as the go to woman for dance music’s hottest producers.

In the past twelve months Luciana has scored 4 big hits on the ARIA club chart – she currently has two (“Go Go Go” and “I’ve Got My Eye On You”) in the top 50 - including her double platinum top 5 smash hit collaboration with Static Revenger and Richard Vission, “I Like That”.

The prolific diva is still shocked by the song’s popularity in Australia.

“It got to #2 or #3. We got platinum discs. It’s crazy. Australia was the first place to take it and now America is just starting. So hopefully that will happen and England has just signed it as well,” she told Star Observer.

The local success of “I Like That” even helped Luciana score a record deal with Interscope Records – the home of pop heavyweights like Lady Gaga and Gwen Stefani.

“The funny thing is we went to Interscope… a year ago and nothing happened. I was like ‘that’s a bit weird’. Flew us out there, wanted to meet me, nothing happened and now here we are. [I] just got signed and am working on an EP and writing for other artists.”

One of those artists is Australia’s own Kylie Minogue. Luciana wrote the track “Cupid Boy” for the pop icon’s latest album “Aphrodite” – a career highlight for the self confessed Kylie fanatic.

“Oh my god! [I’m] an ultimate Kylie fan! I absolutely love her. And I wanted to get on the last album and that didn’t happen,” she explains.

Happily, she had more luck this time around.

“We got [“Cupid Boy”] from Sebastian Ingrosso from Swedish House Mafia and we were like ‘this is such a fabulous backing track that we need to make sure that what we do over it is amazing’ and we worked and worked and edited and edited… and then right at the last minute they chose the song. Oh god it was a moment. Honestly, I cried and called my mum. My mum was crying with me!”

Luciana has even been called back to write songs for the impending re-release of “Aphrodite”.

“We submitted a song called “If I Ruled The World”,” she reveals.

Apart from Kylie, the hit songwriter has been busy collaborating with some of the biggest pop stars in America and the UK.

“I’m actually writing with Sarah Harding at the moment from Girls Aloud. She’s down the studio. And she’s lovely. A good time girl. She’s got a great voice and we’re just writing some tracks together. And when we go to America we’re gonna do some stuff with Nicole Scherzinger.”

Given the way “I Like That” is catching on in America (already a top 40 hit on pop airplay and rapidly the iTunes top 200 countdown), Luciana could be spending a lot of time stateside.

“I’m moving to LA at the beginning of September for 3 months to write and hopefully promote the single. You know depending on what’s happening. It’s just got added to MTV Hits, so that’s a really amazing thing. These little things are starting to happen but fingers crossed it’s all going to work out.”

That doesn’t mean that Luciana has forgotten about her Australian fans. She is returning to Australia – for the fourth time in 2010 – for a tour in December and even plans to move here permanently.

“Yeah what I’m thinking is – have an album out, then a child, then move to Australia. Put some flip flops on. Hang. It’s all good!”

Temper Trap - Live At The Chapel

I usually don't blog about competitions but this one caught my interest and gives me an excuse to post one of my favourite remixes of 2010. Russian Standard Vodka are giving away tickets to see the always brilliant Temper Trap perform an acoustic set at The Chapel in Sydney. You also get accommodation and spending money but I think I'd prefer a crate of that delicious vodka and a couple of cartons of orange juice to swig at the show. But that's just me. Anyway, you can enter the draw here. If you win and need a hot date - hit me up! Ok, so the remix. Much earlier this year, The Temper Trap released "Love Lost" in the UK and commissioned a bunch of surprisingly fun remixes. My favourite was the dubiously titled Rock Da World Radio Edit (below). It's not quite the Axwell mix of "Sweet Disposition" but I like it. A lot!

Zoë Badwi Rocks Hey Hey, Closes In On Top 10!

Zoë Badwi's "Freefallin'" juggernaut shows no signs of slowing down. The song has already been a club smash for Australia's leading dance diva and recently nudged its way into the national top 20 after a steady chart climb. I thought the Amy Pearson penned anthem might have peaked at number 16 last week but a stunning performance on Hey Hey It's Saturday has pushed "Freefallin'" into the iTunes top 10 (currently sitting pretty at #6) and landed Zoë her first Gold accreditation for sales exceeding 35,000 copies. Amazing and well deserved! Unfortunately, I was too busy getting drunk on Saturday night to catch the entire performance but a kind soul has finally uploaded it to YouTube. The former face of Sirens kicks of the show with the old dancers under the dress trick. It's not exactly new but I can't think of anyone who has pulled it off with this much verve and glamour since Kylie's Fever tour. Things then get a bit sexy with Zoë's dirty dancers and a delicious strut towards the camera. I love her outfit and she sounds great. The only thing that could have possibly made this any better is a surprise cameo from Amy doing her amazing "Butterfingers" dance routine! Australia has been put on notice.

Ke$ha Vs P!nk

The world changed forever on Friday when the lead single from Ke$ha's "Animal" re-release was unveiled. I fully expected the voice of our generation to deliver the goods but "We R Who We R" raises the bar of musical perfection even higher than I thought possible. Ke$ha's new anthem offers a riveting insight into the human condition with its touching message of acceptance and revelatory lyrics about social mores. But it's not all deep and meaningful. The diva's angelic vocals and Max Martin or Dr Luke's (it's still unclear who oversaw this masterpiece) crisp production make "We R Who We R" more infectious than herpes and a late contender for single of the year. It's official. Ke$ha is the new Queen of electro-pop! I was originally going to write about the fact that Gaga and Robyn have both been made redundant in one fell swoop but I thought I'd compare "We R Who We R" with P!nk's latest single "Raise Your Glass". Both tracks were apparently conceived by the same producers and examine similar themes - yet Ke$ha takes pop music to exhilarating new highs on her sure to be #1 smash hit, while P!nk's stillborn party anthem covers the same ground as her last ten singles. It was always going to be hard for P!nk to compete with a living legend but I honestly didn't think the outcome would be this one sided.

In the name of scientific research I've decided to break this down into categories. Starting with:

1. The Cover Art

The "We R Who We R" cover is truly iconic. It vividly captures Ke$ha's raw beauty and brooding sex appeal, while P!nk looks like a slightly more masculine version of Adam Lambert on hers. I note she's also hired Mariah's army of photoshop experts, while the realest girl in pop since Mutya wears her freckles and glorious rat's nest as a badge of pride. Ke$ha is such an inspiration!

2. Lyrics

As I mentioned earlier both songs cover similar territory. For want of a better description, they are both party anthems that urge the listener to embrace who they are and just have fun. However, the execution is quite different. P!nk promotes the irresponsible consumption of alcohol to convey her message on "Raise Your Glass", while Ke$ha not only finds religion ("Got Jesus on my necklace") - she also gives her fans a step by step guide to having a good night out. Take her stunning fashion advice:

I’ve got that glitter on my eyes
Stockings ripped all up the side
Looking sick and sexy-fied

She then outlines the perfect night out:

We’re sellin’ our clothes, sleepin’ in cars
Dressin’ it down, hittin’ on dudes (HARD!)

Amazing! On the other hand all P!nk can offer is this:

Don’t be fancy, just get dancey

EPIC FAIL. I think "Raise Your Glass" is the party anthem for nanas who want to sit at home and swig Sherry. Ke$ha is so down with the youth of today!

3. Production

"We R Who We R" is a different sound for Ke$ha. It's more dance than the heavy electro of her previous singles. Some deluded H8TRZ have compared the song to Usher's "DJs Got Us Falling In Love" but Queen Ke$ha would never lower herself to jumping on someone else's bandwagon. She is the last great innovator in pop! I partiuclarly love the ingenious use of autotune and subtle splashes of rave and techno. Unfortunately, "Raise Your Glass" sounds like every other song Max Martin and Dr Luke have written for Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson. That's not necessarily a bad thing but P!nk has been recycling this sound since "I'm Not Dead". I miss the "Try This" days when she was still creative and real. As a result....

Ke$ha Wins!

Edward Maya Hits Australia

The Romanian theme continues today with news that the nation's biggest pop star - yes, even more successful than Inna! - is gearing up for his Australian debut. Edward Maya is a phenomenon in Europe. When I was there in July his tunes were unavoidable and I brought back a bunch of his singles from France. To put it in perspective, "Stereo Love" was a top 10 hit in 16 countries and has since racked up 70 million views on YouTube. It's somewhat surprising then that he's going with the follow up in Australia. Not that it matters. "This Is My Life" stays pretty true to the "Stereo Love" formula. Vika Jigulina (love that name!) returns for vocal duties and the Balearic beats are back bigger than ever. It's a pretty irresistible combination and I can't wait to hear it blasting from the radio over summer. Fingers crossed Maya mania reaches Australia! My only complaint is the hideous new cover (above). What's wrong with the original? I do, however, appreciate the new video (below). It's a lot classier and Ed looks kinda hot in that leather jacket. All we need now are some local remixes and a physical single. Let me dream!

The Curious Case Of Fake Inna

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Inna's new UK single and lamented that Australia appeared to have given up on her. Well, Romania's favourite daughter can breathe a sigh of relief. Central Station Records have just confirmed that Inna will indeed be releasing "Amazing" in Australia. The thing is an impostor appears to have beaten her to it! In the pop scandal of 2010 (it's been a slow year), some slut has covered "Amazing" and released it on iTunes under the name Inna Marie. The nerve! To rub salt into the diva's wounds, fake Inna has somehow managed to scrape into the top 200! It seems Australia is so desperate for the Queen of Romanian clubs' new anthem that we're willing to settle for second best. In the name of research (and because I love the shameless cover art) I downloaded fake Inna's version and it's a line by line remake - only with vocals that make the real deal sound like Barbra Streisand and a backing track that sounds like it was put together on my old commodore 64. Fake Inna needs to turn her talents to covering lesser divas like Delta and Cheryl Cole. I could use new and improved versions of their records but leave my Romanian princess alone! The original version of "Amazing" is released next week as part of Central Station's Wild Summer 2011 compilation. In the meantime, have another look at the stunning video. So much talent!

The John Lennon Of Girls Aloud

My whole world has been turned upside down. One day you're happily bitching about Girls Aloud to anyone who will listen, the next you're forced to admit that you actually quite like Nadine Coyle's new solo single. I feel like a vegetarian that's been force fed KFC only to realise the error of their ways and go back for a second bucket! That might be a slight exaggeration. I still think Girls Aloud is the worst girlband in the history of music but if I have to warm to any of the five talent free zones - I'm glad it's Nadine. Sure, she's the useless one that just stands there and looks pretty but in comparison to the rest, she's the second coming of Kylie. Or at least Gina G. "Insatiable" didn't really grab me the first time I heard it but the Guy Chambers penned anthem is a grower. I love the brass and sexy chorus. It kind of reminds me of Alannah Myles circa 1989 - which is a compliment! However, as much as I like the original, the WAWA remix lifts the track from good to downright fucking amazing. The always reliable Polish duo transform "Insatiable" into dancefloor gold. If Nadine isn't as dumb as she looks, she will promote the fuck out of this. The WAWA mix (below) makes her sound like the real deal. Unlike local star Cheryl Cole, the mortal Coyle could actually have an international hit on her hands. It works in her favour that Girls Aloud can't give their music away outside the UK. She can start afresh without being pre-judged by their horrible legacy. And even if this bombs, Nadine can take heart from the face that "Insatiable" is a million times better than the aural abortion known as "Promise This"!

Get 'Em Girls - Video Review

Surely the winning entry in Jessica's "Get Em Girls" comp?

There are bad videos and then there's "Get 'Em Girls". Seriously, what the fuck? I love Jessica and am one of the ten people that actually like her new hood sound but this is all kinds of wrong. I honestly don't know what's worse. The less than thrilling premise that involves Jess modelling ugly shoes - that is literally it - or the so hideous it borders on criminal styling. Homeless trannies on meth would draw the line at some of these outfits! Sony is so desperate to turn Jess into the Australian Beyoncé or Rihanna that they've ignored what made her popular in the first place - down to earth appeal. Chances are the girl next door doesn't strut around in a figure hugging fluoro catsuit unless you live next to Irene Cara. Disturbingly, the video probably cost a fortune. It was filmed in Los Angeles under the watchful eye of Hype Williams (who directed Beyoncé's stunning "Videophone") and they actually managed to lure Snoop to the set. Probably under the guise of free marijuana. Oh wait. That's where all the money went! You know, this is so awful, I have a feeling it might become a trash classic. Homosexuals from Darlinghurst to Darwin will be hitting up their local Payless to re-create the video!

CLICK HERE to watch "Get 'Em Girls"

Speaking of cheap shoes, I'm currently obsessed with the competition on Jessica's Facebook. She's asking fans to post pictures of their favourite get 'em girls and I think I've found the winner (above). Who wouldn't feel "sexy and elegant" in rainbow coloured faux snakeskin stilettos?

Shayne Ward's Dubious Comeback

This blog is a raised middle finger to musical snobbery. I couldn't give a fuck about credibility and wasn't particularly fussed when I heard Shayne Ward's new single was a cover of Nickelback's "Gotta Be Somebody". As far as I'm concerned, it's better to butcher a piece of shit than fuck up something truly magnificent. I'm looking at you, Joe McElderry. My only problem with Shayne's comeback is the fact he's wearing clothing. That and the blatant laziness. Unlike most of his contemporaries, 2005's X Factor winner has the money behind him to come up with something fresh and original. Instead he takes three years to cover a generic rock song from 2008 that nobody liked in the first place. Good job! For his sake, I hope the vomit inducing lyrics about being sad and lonely get middle aged housewives into a CD buying frenzy but I'm moving on. His previous two albums didn't really do it for me and this insipid effort is the final straw. I don't even like the cover. Shayne looks gaunt. Lay off the exercise and eat some Tim Tams before you end up resembling Aaron Carter! The only saving grace is the trashtastic remix package. I can't believe they roped in Almighty. I guess Bimbo Jones drew the line at this shit! In all fairness, Andy does a good job. It's not quite as fabulous as his take on Usher's "OMG" but you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. The always reliable Moto Blanco also deliver a fun interpretation but for pure low brow trash value you can't really beat an Almighty mix of a Nickelback cover. Brace yourself and give it a listen (below).

Where's The Love For Loca?

Am I the only person that likes Shakira's new single? Since its debut the song has received a barrage of criticism from fans and haters alike. And I really don't get it. At all. "Loca" is one of the year's best pop songs and further underlines the diva's status as the most inventive superstar in music. Who else follows an electropop tune about lycanthrophy with a remake of an African folk song before getting in touch with her Latin roots - with the help of a British rapper? I love the fact that Shakira never repeats herself and keeps pushing the envelope creatively. Admittedly, "Loca" took me quite a few listens to get into. It's not as commercial as "She Wolf" or as annoyingly catchy as "Waka Waka" but the song crawls under your skin like a flesh eating parasite. I love the dark and dangerous beats, sexy chorus and Latin influences. Hell, I even like Dizzee Rascal's rap! My only complaint about the project is Shakira's rake thin appearance in the video. Girlfriend, please eat a burger! The clip itself is amazing. Kind of like the music video equivalent of gonzo porn. There are no production values - just Shakira skating around in a variety of skimpy outfits. It's slightly disturbing and voyeuristic. Which suits the song perfectly. I don't care if the rest of you bitches hate it. "Loca" is my new jam and I will get my hands on a physical copy if I have to make one myself!

Carrie Mac - Hello (Moto Blanco Mix)

Now this caught me by surprise. I was randomly downloading a bunch of dance remixes and thought I'd check out Carrie Mac because I liked the love heart above the 'i' in her name. Yes, I'm really that shallow! It must have been fate because "Hello" is one of the cutest pop songs I've heard in a long time. The original is lovely in a Kelly Clarkson on Valium kind of way but the Moto Blanco boys transform it into a fabulous floorfiller with pretty synths and a subtle disco twist. I particularly love how they've stayed true to the bittersweet lyrics while still churning out a killer club anthem. Respect! As for Carrie - I don't know a lot about the 23 year old Scottish stunner. Apart from the fact that she released the song at the end of August and appears to have won a competition on Radio One. Why isn't Pop Justice all over this? "Hello" is brilliant and deserves to be huge. Carrie is the best thing to come out of Scotland since Ewan McGregor's dick!

Mimi Does It Again!

I knew I was going to love Mariah's new Christmas album from the moment I saw the master class in Photoshop doubling as the cover. Mimi is so fucking shameless. I swear she's just recycled a picture from 1994 and thrown in a plastic snowman from Kmart for added effect! You'll be happy to know that the lead single is just as fabulous as the artwork. "Oh Santa" hit the net last week and I can't turn the damn thing off. Seriously, this is the legendary diva's best single since a generation of gays cried themselves to sleep listening to "Mariah's Theme" a decade ago. As far as I'm concerned, "Oh Santa" is the perfect Christmas anthem. It's cute, catchy and easy to sing along to when you're drunk! I particularly love the "ho ho hos" and jingle bells. Hell, Mimi even brings back her trademark dog whistle at the two and a half minute mark. Yes! I never thought I'd say it but I think Mariah has at least equalled the magic of "All I Want For Christmas Is You". Time will tell if it's as big as that yuletide classic but I know what song I'll be annoying my family with on Christmas morning.

Beyoncé, Britney & P!nk - Pepsi Promo

2004 was a good year. Ashlee Simpson unveiled her seminal classic "Autobiography", Gwen Stefani went solo and there was still some hope that La Toya would actually start over. It also delivered one of my favourite promotional campaigns of all time. Pepsi had been pouring millions of dollars into advertising to bridge the gap with Coke since the mid-80s. Michael Jackson was their original poster boy, the Spice Girls took over in the 90s and Shakira brought in the new millenium. You would have thought the only way was down but the soft drink giant went all out in 2004 by hiring the services of Beyoncé, Enrique Iglesias and a couple of down on their luck has-beens (Britney & P!nk).

The concept was completely ridiculous. My future husband played a Roman emperor who sits down to watch his gaggle of busty beauties fight it out in the Colosseum. However, the tables are turned and poor Enrique ends up being attacked by a lion - that is, of course, after being treated to an impromptu rendition of Queen's "We Will Rock You" by Honey B and her backing singers. They should have turned this shit into a feature film! I love the way Beyoncé steals the show with her raw sex appeal (despite that fugly headpiece) and vastly superior vocals. It was so nice of the charitable diva to carry the other hacks who were struggling with flop albums at the time. Better yet were the promo CDs. Pepsi released four that I'm aware of - one for each of the girls and a fourth with the whole group. Hell, Solange even got a look in on the Bey edition! Check out the commercial (below). Time has not wearied its fabulousness.

Triple Platinum Beyoncé

Further proof that Beyoncé is the reigning Queen of pop. Her multiple Grammy Award winning, genre defining masterpiece "I Am... Sasha Fierce" has been certified triple platinum in the US. I know those numbers are a far cry from the 90s when Mariah and Shania would regularly sell 10 million but in today's market it's a remarkable achievement. The only pop albums to do better are "The Fame" (although sales include the deluxe version with "The Fame Monster") and "Fearless" (let's face it, rat face doesn't really count anyway). To put it into perspective here are the US sales of "Sasha Fierce" compared to the latest offerings from other so called superstars. Queen B just bitch slapped ya faves!

Beyoncé (Sasha Fierce) = 3,000,000 copies
P!nk (Funhouse) = 1,789,568 copies
Britney (Circus) = 1,662,000 copies
Lady Gaga (The Fame Monster) = 1,241,000 copies
Alicia Keys (The Element Of Freedom) = 1,015,000 copies
Rihanna (Rated R) = 988,000 copies
Ke$ha (Animal) = 914,500 copies
Bionic (Christina Aguilera) = 237,000 copies
Heidi Montag (Superficial) = 658 Copies

Please note: these are rough sales estimates from Soundscan. They may not be current as some of the totals are from August and September.

Inna's Latest Triumph

I love Inna. Her knack for releasing cheap and cheerful dance tunes with inane lyrics is unparalleled, while her apparent inability to wear clothing never fails to impress me. I just wish she had more success in this country. The Romanian diva's debut single got some airplay but failed to catch on and it appears her record label has thrown in the towel. It's frustrating because "Deja Vu" has summer smash written all over it. Originally released in continental Europe last year, the catchy anthem has been remixed for the UK market. I'm not a huge fan of the 2 and half minute hatchet job doubling as the UK Radio Edit but it does the trick. There's nothing particularly fresh or original about "Deja Vu" but you don't listen to Inna to expand your musical horizons. Instead you get an irritatingly catchy chorus and an onslaught of manic beats that are guaranteed to move your feet. I'm sold! And don't forget the typically high brow video (below). This time Inna prances around a yacht in a selection of sexy swimmers, while a bunch of busty beauties dance like $10 hookers in a seedy club. Romania's greatest export since... O-Zone has done it again! Keep an eye out for her album, which was just released in France and Spain. It will be mine.

A Tweet From Soraya

My world changed forever last night when I logged into Twitter and read the most glorious tweet ever composed:

ey Mike!!!!nice to meet you!!!lots of kisses!!!

I still can't believe Soraya hit me up. It's like receiving an email from Jesus or a text from Ami Suzuki! I really feel I've moved a step closer to fulfilling my destiny of becoming the Spanish beauty's new BFF. It's only a matter of time before we're sharing a bottle of Beso Extremeño at her local Vips.

Stay tuned for the next phase of our blossoming romance by following me on Twitter!

When Two Cunts Collide

People are cruel. I had mercifully managed to avoid this repugnant piece of filth until now - largely due to the fact that it's flopping worse than "Bionic". But then a vindictive bitch tricked me into watching the video clip over the weekend and I've been trying to exorcise it from my mind ever since. Hopefully this post is a cathartic experience that allows me to put the shattered pieces of my life back together! Legislation seriously needs to be introduced banning Brian and Dulta from recording another duet. "Almost Here" was a crime against humanity and "Mistakes" is even worse. The gruesome twosome's latest adventure is a lame song about love gone wrong. They probably thought it was witty to sing about hating each other but the rest of us just thought that Brian had a rare moment of clarity. There is absolutely no point to this. Well, apart from the obvious last ditch attempt at boosting sales of McFadden's flop album. "Mistakes" is a generic piece of trash, they sound shit together and no one really gives a fuck about either of them anymore. The smug video just makes the whole experience all the more unbearable. Australia's least favourite couple spend the clip throwing things at each other before burning my retinas by making out like born again Christians at a bible bash. Is this supposed to be edgy and cool? I don't know what's worse - Brian's hair or Dulta's incredibly bad acting. Unless Cheryl Cole releases a Christmas single with Satan, I think the year's worst song and video is well and truly upon us.

Christine Anu Comes Home

Why didn't someone tell me about this? I was messing around on YouTube, watching "Party" for like the 287th time this year, when I noticed that Christine Anu has a new single out. This glorious event should be front page news! Apart from a delicious charity single with Deni Hines in 2008, Chrissy has been MIA since 2003's #85 smash "Talk About Love". Since then she's worked steadily in theatre and been a regular on Sydney's live scene but I've missed her amazing pop anthems like "Sunshine On A Rainy Day" and "Jump To Love". Happily, "Come Home" was worth the wait. Penned by Matthew Gerrard (probably best known for writing Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway") and produced by DNA (the Sydney based mavericks behind Chris Sorbello's "So Lonely" and "Dangerzone"), Christine's new jam sounds like the best song Jordin Sparks never recorded. Think a perkier version of "Battlefield" - only with some personality. Ryan Tedder must be spitting chips! Give it a listen (below) and be sure to check out the trashtastic dance remix. Both versions are now available to download from iTunes. Welcome back.