The Return Of Ann Lee!

Ok, so file this one under old news but I don't care. A couple of weeks ago I made an amazing discovery. Ann Lee is not dead! In fact, the iconic singer is still churning out music in Europe and even released a CD single in Germany earlier this year. I can't believe this momentous news wasn't shouted from every blog on the internet. "2 Times" is one of the defining songs of the 90s. Surely the return of Ann Lee is the musical equivalent of an acting great like Pia Zadora coming out of retirement? Where is the fanfare and mountains of hype? You should all be ashamed! So, I guess you're wondering if glamorous Ann still has the Midas touch. Well, I'm proud to report that time has not wearied her musical genius. Co-written by Whigfield (I wish I was making this up!), "2 People" sounds like it was dragged kicking and screaming from 1999. I'm guessing the stunning diva spent the past decade in a time capsule because this masterpiece could be a cut from "Dreams" - her legendary debut album. That no one bought. Ann's comeback didn't exactly set the charts on fire either but I'm glad she's back. Check out "2 People" below and order your copy from German Amazon today!

Sarah McLeod's Homeless Appeal

Aussie rock chick turned electro-pop diva Sarah McLeod has launched an initiative to help keep homeless kids off the street. From now until Christmas, Sarah will be donating ALL the proceeds from her cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark" to Father Chris Riley's Youth Off The Streets program. For a lousy $1.69 you get an awesome song - which is currently sitting pretty at #9 on the ARIA club chart - and the satisfaction of knowing you helped a homeless kid find a bed for the night. Bargain! Watch the ex-Superjesus frontwoman talk about the campaign below. Oh and make sure you swing by her website to pick up a copy of her EP. It's a limited run of 500, so get in quick. They are individually numbered, come with a personal message and a poster. I've already ordered mine!

La Toya Conquers Spain!

While her has-been sister desperately plans a one country world tour to kickstart her flop career, the pride of the Jackson clan has been rubbing shoulders with European royalty. It must be cold there in Toy Toy's shadow, Jan! Contemporary music's finest vocalist jetted into Seville to judge a horse show and almost caused a riot with her breathtaking beauty. Spain hasn't been rocked this hard since the last time Tony Tornado got drunk and walked the streets of Chueca singing "Los Amores"! I have no idea how La Toya snagged this gig. Wearing a horse hair weave doesn't make you an equine authority but I digress. Toy's status as an international A Lister is confirmed by her attendance and the footage of her arriving at the event in full flamenco dress (below) is the most fabulous thing I've seen in 2010. La Toya looks absolutely stunning but I can't stop laughing at her elaborate poses. Someone should have thrown her some castanets to complete the look or at least taken the jug of Sangria off her until after the event! Seriously, if I wasn't sure that Spain is my spiritual homeland before this debacle - I am now 100% convinced. Watch in awe as La Toya redefines beauty, elegance and sophistication as we know it!

Pop Panel 3 - Week 5

Before I get on with this historic installment of Pop Panel, I need to get some housekeeping out of the way. From now on I'll try to post this bitchfest every Monday instead of Sunday. It seems to be easier for everyone involved. For more updates on Pop Panel - make sure you follow me on Twitter. Now for the good stuff. You might be wondering why I've chosen La Toya for this week's banner. Well, the impossible has happened. Toy Toy's perfect Pop Panel score has been equalled! To be honest, I didn't think that stunning achievement would ever be repeated - at least not until the Pope of Pop releases her next single - but one legendary diva has swept all before her and landed full marks from all 6 judges. We now have a new leader and you better bow down to this fabulous bitch! The follow bloggers helped crown the new Queen of Pop:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

Adem (AUS) writer of the iconic Adem With An E. It's great to have him back on the Pop Panel. Bitch just needs to start updating his blog again!

and

Joe (US) writer of the amazing Milk Carton Pop Stars and the foremost authority on Mexican pop divas. Neither space nor time can break our trash loving bond!

Ok, let's get cracking. As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest.

Timo – Like It Rough (above)

Belgian pop star jumps on gay vampire bandwagon!

Adem: Did you see the incredible YouTube comments? Poor Timo has been told by a YouTube user he apparently needs this song to be a hit so that he can get a nose job because he - otherwise - cannot afford it. Watching the clip; I really hope he doesn't touch his nose because I spent the whole thing thinking about how much I'd love to sit on it. The song itself? I wasn't paying attention, but for Timo's nose and his hot mack-on scene with Brent Corrigan at the end, I think high scores are well and truly due. 5/5
D'Luv: There's a small, almost undetectable sample from Human League's "Love Action" running throughout "Like It Rough" — which is basically the only interesting thing about the song.
Joe: I like bad pop music, but this was just bad. The horrid acting, the guy's wonky eyes. Though if I was drunk at a bar I would probably dance to it. 1/5
J-Step: My first instinct was to hate this, but it by the time it ended I wanted a physical! A nice, catchy little track, seemingly written about my bedroom preferences. 3.5/5
Mike: I probably would have been down with this tacky piece of Eurotrash if it were sung by someone even remotely attractive. 2/5
The Prophet: No. 0/5
Total: 13/30

Paramore – Playing God (Video)

Latest single from indie-pop favourites.

Adem: It's like listening to the other songs from the first Katy Perry album. Which makes this almost entirely shit. 0/5
D'Luv: I like the video better than the song, and the song better than Hayley's vocals. But at least her entire band is totally fuckable. 2/5
Joe: This is that airplanes chick right? It's alright I guess. Not amazing. 2/5
J-Step: A decent little pop/rock track, but nowhere near as catchy or memorable as most of their stuff. And Hayley, pink and red does NOT look good together, it's time for a colour change, doll! And seeing as you're at Just Cuts, you may as well get better conditioner, 'coz you just ain't rocking the whole Ronald McDonald thing! 3/5
Mike: This is the kind of faux rock shit that could have been playing when Willow first fingered Tara in a toilet cubicle at The Bronze. And for that it gets two bonus points! 2/5
The Prophet: My fave! 5/5
Total: 14/30

Savvy – Dance With Me Now (Video)

Yet another Disney act goes electro.

Adem: New Disney acts always excite me; purely because I can hardly wait for the cocaine addiction to begin. This clip is like watching a well-produced/autotuned version of High School Musical set in the 'Peach Pit; After-dark' from 90210. Forgettable trash, but pleasant enough. 2/5
D'Luv: Well, I guess 12 years is long enough ago that slyly re-creating Backstreet Boys' "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" video — albeit with a budget of $36 and a craft services table full of Cheetos — seems like an original concept to 13 year olds. Even the song sounds straight-up 1998. I kind of like it, though. Kind of. 3/5
Joe: A multi-ethnic Disney group? Is this The Party 2010? Only "in my dreams". Back to the song. I actually liked it. It's catchy and I think I may have to download it. 4/5
J-Step: Ace Of Base's "Don't Turn Around" meets the Pussycat Dolls' Melodie's fucking annoying (and always moving) mouth! This bitch needs another time-out and an earlier bedtime. 1/5
Mike: Well, fuck you all. I like it! I mean, she's no Selena Gomez or Ashley Tisdale but I still want to hear an album full of lifeless, age inappropriate gems from this flop in the making. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This girl's mouth is more dramatic than Jessica Simpson's. It really has a life of it's own. Why didn't the director tell her to calm it down a little? Anyway, the song is shit, so maybe Savvy should think about becoming a professional blowjob machine instead of a singer. That sweet young mouth looks mighty inviting... 1/5
Total: 14.5/30

Bruno Mars – Grenade (Video)

Follow up to #1 hit “Just The Way You Are”.

Adem: Is it wrong to generally think Bruno Mars is an alright thing? I fucking love this song - Bruno, it's like you found my letters and reach one out loud. 5/5
D'Luv: Yeah, okay. Sure. 2/5
Joe: I honestly haven't really paid much attention to this guy. Mainly because I tend to loathe anything that's currently on American radio. But it's that bad. Would I go out of my way to listen to it. Probably not. 3/5
J-Step: Oh, Jesus, pull the pin on the frikkin grenade. I'm so sick of this shit - 'so-called, sexy whinging'. Where's the fun gone, people? It's time for a new Kaci video I think! 1.5/5
Mike: You know, I really want to hate this guy. He's just a little too in touch with his emotions and I'm sure he steals his lyrics from the love letters I sent Julian McMahon in the 90s. That said, it's cute and I'd probably sing along to it after a bottle of Jack and a box of Tim Tams. 3/5
The Prophet: Cute. If you're into this kind of thing. 2.5/5
Total: 17/30

Jessie J – Do It Like A Dude (above)

This hot bitch wrote Miley’s “Party In The USA”.

Adem: JESSIE IS FIERCE. I like it when she grabs her cho-cha. It makes me think it's probably what Rihanna wanted the entire 'Rated R' campaign to look and sound like, you know, if she had any thoughts of her own I mean. 4/5
D'Luv: This is the latest broad everyone's masturbating over online. (Sorry, Sky Ferreira!) It's kind of the kitchen sink concept with the video, isn't it? The only thing that's missing is a glow in the dark thong. 2/5
Joe: I really don't want to like this. But I do. It's a little repetitive, but I didn't mind it. The video kind of gave me a headache though. I like her studded black lips. 3/5
J-Step: No, that's noice I feel! 4/5
Mike: So everyone's jumping on Jessie's wig like she's the second coming of Ann Lee but there's nothing wrong with a bit of hype. People are just connecting with her high brow lyrics and deeply spiritual message. 4/5
The Prophet: Vulgar! Only Ke$ha can get away with this garish behavior. 0/5
Total: 17/30

Kim Ann Foxman – Creature (Video)

90s House is making a comeback.

Adem: Who is this lesbian, and why does she look like a (slightly) more approachable La Roux? Whatever, she's an amazing lesbian and this is all kinds of hot. Did she hire Madonna's Blond Ambiton Tour dancers for the video? I can't wait to hear this in a club on a loud system; it's like it's 1994 and I'm listening to corker house music on my boombox in the bedroom. I also enjoy the fact it goes for a hundred years, like all house music in the 90's did. 4/5
D'Luv: I love this guy! And I also love the fact that the video could just as well have been shot in the time period the song sounds like it's from. 4/5
Joe: Oooh me likes! Kim looks like she took dance lessons from Whitney Houston. The voguing queens make up for her lackluster dance skills. And I am loving her Ya Kid K fasions! The more I listen to this song the more I am loving it. Anyone who wants to bring back early 90s House gets my seal of approval. I must hear more!! 5/5
J-Step: Don't get me wrong, the notion of decent 90's inspired house making a major comeback is beyond awesome. But when it's purposely dull and boring, what's the point, honestly? I've seen more excitement in the face of an arsehole than poor ol' Kimmy! 2/5
Mike: Dust off your favourite lime green t-sheet, re-charge your glow sticks and grab a chupa chump - the 90s are back! Just be careful. Listening to Kim's mesmerising opus will bring on every pill you've popped over the past 20 years. This shit should come with a warning! 4/5
The Prophet: Honey, I know the 90s are in right now, but this is just a little too desperate. Still, i can't bring myself to give it a flop rating. 3/5
Total: 22/30

Kylie – Better Than Today (Video)

Third single from "Aphrodite".

Adem: You know what? I am so fucking angry with Kylie's people for releasing this as the next single over "Aphrodite" or, you know, basicaly any other song on the album, that I'm tempted to give her absolutely no score at all. It's lovely and great and I enjoy it but this is NOT a single. Not at ALL. And what's with all the remixes taking out the best bit; the whales-being-raped sound after each chorus? This really is a frighteningly disappointing turn in events when it comes to the 'Aphrodite' album campaign. That said; 3/5
D'Luv: I really wish Kylie didn't have that unspoken rule about not releasing album title tracks as singles, because "Aphrodite" is miles ahead of "Better Than Today." Unfortunately, "Better Than Today" is probably deemed to be more "radio friendly." Oh, well—not a bad song. It's just kind of… there. 3.5/5
Joe: This is a great example of a song that gets better w/ a good video. I remember when Kylie did this on her North American tour, and I thought...meh it's ok. But it's one of those songs that gets better w/ more listens. Though I wouldn't say it's the best choice for a single. I'm still waiting for 'Cupid Boy'! 3.5/5
J-Step: "Cupid boy, when we touch, I'm in heaven in your arms..." Oh, no, wait, that was the BETTER option wasn't it! I mean it's cute, catchy, but...yeah. I've tried to react differently since hearing this was third single, but the best I can manage is a nice positive shrug of the shoulders! 4/5
Mike: The Pop Panel has spoken. "Cupid Boy" is single everyone wants from "Aphrodite" - not this annoyingly cheerful Scissor Sisters rip off! This is the dumbest decision Kylie has made since relegating "Tightrope" to a bonus track. I'll be happily surprised if this even cracks the top 30 in the UK but she is our leader, so I'm giving it 4/5. Begrudgingly.
The Prophet: I want to automatically give this a zero because I suspect it will win and I want to sabotage the PP and go against popular opinion, but then I remember that this is one of my favorite cuts from "Aphrodite", but also the one that most people bitch about, so I'm going to give it a high rating, partly because I want too and partly out of spite. I hope that's right. 4.5/5
Total: 22.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Kim Zolciak - Google Me (below)

Real housewives of Atlanta superstar unveils her latest single.

Adem: The voice of an angel!! She's great and this trashy-bonanza is too, but she doesn't hold a candle to the genius musical stylings of Heidi Montag, does she? And also too, when is the great Snooki going to release a single? And Kathy Griffin's Mom? I am ALL FOR reality sluts getting in front a microphone. I don't even need to listen to the whole song to know Kim gets full marks. 5/5
D'Luv: Bow down to the High Priestess Of Pop! Thankfully she got off her lazy ass and recorded another masterpiece. And at this rate, we can probably expect a full album sometime in 2017! Her soaring, angelic vocals have me seriously thinking she just might be yanking that New Queen Of Soul title away from Ke$ha in the near future. Brava! 5/5
Joe: LEGEND!!!! Kim needs to do an album!!!!! 5/5
J-Step: What a pure talent!!! Does it get any better... NO!!! 5/5
Mike: The voice. Those lyrics. That wig. Kim really is the new queen of pop! Madonna must be shitting herself - when not googling "how to be as fabulous as that stunning beauty from the Real Housewives of Atlanta". 5/5
The Prophet: How could this not get a five? 5/5
Total: 30/30

Luciana's US #1!

I'm so excited! My favourite dance diva and occasional drinking partner is currently celebrating her second consecutive #1 club hit in the US. Luciana topped the chart a few weeks ago under her alias Isha Coco but she finally gets to see her own name in the pole position as "I Like That" crushes the competition. Seriously, this feels like a dream. I still remember when Stephen (the fabulously talented brother of Luci's equally gifted stylist) sent me an email saying he had just helped film a video for a singer called Luciana. As a long suffering fan from the 90s, I almost exploded and believe I was the first person to post it on a blog. Since then "I Like That" has become a double platinum #3 smash in Australia and a top 40 pop airplay hit in the States. Hell, Dannii even danced to it in an advertisement and Kylie recently tweeted her approval. $ucce$$! To celebrate Luciana's latest stunning achievement, Interscope has just released another digital bundle of remixes (above). I love the new cover and the new mixes but I wish there was a physical copy to add to my collection. So what's next for the undisputed Queen of Clubs? Luci told me that "I'm Still Hot" is likely to be the next US single, while a track called "Top Of The World" is slated for Australia. I haven't heard the latter but "I'm Still Hot" sounds amazing. The lyrics - which include the already iconic line "I don't need your drama, I am Luciana!" - are brilliant and I love the hot beat. Check out a live performance below. Babe, you've done it again!

Mylène Farmer - Oui Mais Non

I've been inundated with (at least two) requests to review this single and I'm more than happy to oblige. Mylène Farmer needs no introduction if you live in Europe but my Australian homegirls and gays might need some help. She is often described as the French Madonna due to both her phenomenal chart success in the 80s and inability to age gracefully. Personally, I think the comparison is unfair because unlike her American counterpart, Mylène still has hits and is not completely irrelevant. Although her latest smash does have more than a whiff of desperation about it. The completely natural, surgically untouched 49 year old has hooked up with RedOne for "Oui Mais Non" and some critics are accusing her of ripping off Lady Gaga. How ridiculous! Everyone knows that Gaga stole Kat Deluna's sound first - so, who cares? And everything sounds better in French anyway. You could probably read the obituaries to me en français and I'd think it was a love poem. But I digress. The production is slick, the chorus is catchy and RedOne thankfully forgot to bring his vocoder to the studio. I'm sold. The video, on the other hand, is a lazy "Bad Romance" rip off but you can't have everything. I've already ordered a physical copy of this from French Amazon. It's worth the 10 Euros just to stare at Mylène's natural beauty for hours on end!

Wynter - New Video & Aus Tour!

A couple of weeks ago I posted a preview of Wynter Gordon's new but not really improved "Dirty Talk" video. Well, the clip debuted in full earlier this week (below) and it's better than I expected. Wynter looks beautiful and it's definitely slick and stylish. I just think the trashy naughty school girl original was more fun and better suited to the song. But who really cares? I'm just excited "Dirty Talk" is taking off in Australia. The dance anthem is already a top 5 ARIA club hit, was the 10th most added song to Australian radio last week and is steadily climbing iTunes. As of last night it was firmly lodged in the top 100 and looks set to keep on rising. Even more exciting is news that Wynter is flying down to bless us with her fabulousness. America's hottest dance diva will before the following shows in December:

3 Dec Gold Coast East 88
4 Dec Melbourne Stereosonic
5 Dec Brisbane Stereosonic
5 Dec Brisbane The Family
9 Dec Melbourne Pool Room
11 Dec Adelaide HQ

Sydney fans don't get stressed just yet. I'm told Wynter is still negotiating a Sydney show. Can't wait to see her strut her stuff! I guess hope she sings "Wonderland". That's my jam!

STOP PRESS: Chloe Lattanzi Releases Debut Single!

I'm hyperventilating! I just logged into Facebook and read the most glorious update of 2010. Pop trash icon Chloe Lattanzi has finally released her debut single. In Japan! 8 years after signing her first record deal! Seriously, I couldn't be more excited if La Toya actually started over. Olivia Newton-John's troubled daughter has been a staple of this blog from the very beginning. Her catchy, anorexia anthem "Delicious" remains a firm favourite of mine and I even crowned her the Pop Trash Queen of 2008. Though my faith in Chloe's unparalleled talent never wavered, I was starting to think she might be too edgy for the pop world but I'm so glad I was wrong. Her debut single is called "Wings And A Gun" and sounds like a stunning emo-pop masterpiece from the 50 second preview (below). The song is released in Japan today to coincide with her mother's Japanese tour. Marketing genius! Surely, it's Australia's turn next?

Sarah Connor - Cold As Ice

I have a love/hate relationship with Sarah Connor. Her overwrought ballads (and entire "Soulicious" album) are considered crimes against humanity in most civilised nations but the German diva occasionally gets it very, very right - her desperate "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" rip off "From Zero To Hero" and top 20 Australian smash hit "Bounce" immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, the past couple of years have seen a slide in Sarah's popularity at home. Her last album was considered a failure by her lofty standards and her new single recently stalled at a disappointing #16 on the German singles chart. I blame the hideous cover because the song is the best thing Sarah has released in years. Seriously, bitch - get a nose job! Produced by Kay Denar and Rob Tyger, "Cool As Ice" is a Eurovision worthy trashfest with a killer chorus and fabulous faux RedOne production. Sarah even manages to look good in the glamorous video. Sure, it's not the most original song of 2010 but formulaic dance-pop doesn't get much better. I think it's time for Ms Connor to try her luck in Australia again. The ten fans that made "He's Unbelievable" a #77 smash back in 2004 wouldd lap this fabulous shit up!

Summerbeatz 2010 - Ciara, Flo Rida & Akon

Summerbeatz is the latest urban music festival to hit Australia - hot on the heels of its sister event Winterbeatz and the trail blazing Supafest - and I decided to catch the Sydney gig on Saturday night. If I'm completely honest the line up of Stan Walker, Ja Rule, Travie McCoy, Ciara, Flo Rida and Akon kind of made me want to kill myself but it turned out to be a ridiculously fun night. Which could also have had something to do with those lethal glow in the dark frozen daiquiris they serve at Acer Arena. Back to the concert. I arrived late, so I missed out on Stan Walker and Ja Rule strutting their stuff but I did catch Travie McCoy's set. He really knows how to work a crowd and drove the girls standing next to me into a wet pantie frenzy. The highlight was definitely "Billionaire", which works brilliantly in the sing-a-long context of a live show. I even got to meet Travie backstage after his set (photo on Facebook) and he was taller, skinnier and higher than I could have imagined. He seemed like a really cool guy though and I now feel obliged to give his album another listen. Next up was Ciara or C-Error as she is not so affectionately known by my fellow Beyoncé stans. Despite her past sins against the Queen of R'n'B, I have a soft spot for CiCi and was really looking forward to her show. And she delivered. Ciara doesn't have the biggest voice in music but the bitch can dance. Kind of like Janet before she became obsolete. It was great to finally hear classics like "Goodies" and "1, 2 Step" performed live and she made my night by belting out 2010's hottest sex jam "Ride". Other new songs from her soon to be released "Basic Instinct" album went down well, so it mightn't be the bomb everyone is expecting. If nothing else, Super CiCi proved she is still one of the hottest properties in urban music and a true dancing machine.

Ciara was always going to be a hard act to follow but I was shocked by how much I enjoyed Flo Rida's set. He's a surprisingly good live performer and I keep forgetting how many big hits he now has under his belt. I obviously preferred his more poptastic offerings like "Round Round" and "Low" but the rest of his tunes were eagerly devoured by fans. Mr Rida knows how to work the stage and really drove the crowd into a frenzy when he ventured into the audience on the back of a security guard. He went right past me and I got his ab sweat all over my face. It tasted like salt & vinegar chips! Flo Rida fittingly ended his set with the amazing "Club Can't Handle Me", which is still one of my favourite songs of 2010. Next up was the headliner Akon, who I've already seen perform twice this year. Akon is another performer who knows how to put on a show - coming out into the crowd in a giant beach ball (below) was a brilliant touch - but his incessant crowd surfing is starting to get a bit annoying. Nevertheless, it was great hearing "Sexy Bitch", "Put The Blame On Me" and his latest (surprisingly good) single "Angel". I'm now a total convert to the urban music festival scene and can't wait for the next Supafest in April! The afterparty was also fun and I got to hang out with Stan Walker, who is such a nice guy. I'm gonna have to wade through this blog and delete everything I've ever written about him. Stan, I take it all back. You're the new King of Australian pop!

A Double Dose Of Kylie

Now that I've sobered up after the craziest weekend in recent memory and finally got Pop Panel out of the way for another week, I can get down to the important stuff - like two new Kylie videos in two days! Christmas really has come early! Let's get "Better Than Today" out of the way first. It's no secret that I wouldn't have picked this as the third single from "Aphrodite" and pretty much expect it to kill the album but that doesn't mean I hate it. In fact, the song has grown on me. A lot. The remixes are fun and there is something irresistibly light hearted and fun about this perky jam. I just don't think it's a hit. And the video isn't going to help its cause. Directed by Kylie herself (with a bit of help from Willie Baker), "Better Than Today" is a cheap as chips re-hash of the live performances she has been using to promote the song in Europe. Think of this as a slightly less trashtastic "All I See". And you know what, that's ok by me. I found the "Get Outta My Way" video a horribly over-stylised and ultimately stillborn affair, so I'm kind of glad this is a bit more organic and exuberant. It's just clear that Parlophone has pretty much pulled the plug on "Aphrodite" if Kylie's video budget is any indication.

Now on to "Higher" - Kylie's collaboration with UK pop sensation Taio Cruz. I loved the original version of this on Taio's album and I think the addition of the elderly Minogue works a treat. With the right promotion, this could really kickstart Kylie's Australian chart campaign. Her duet partner is so hot right now and "Higher" reminds people born after 1970 that the pop diva is still alive. Happily, the song is already gathering momentum. It's top 40 on iTunes and radio airplay - a feat that "Get Outta My Way" never managed. I really hope this takes off. It would be nice to see Kylie's name in the top 10 again. The video is pretty tacky but it pushes all my buttons. I just love ridiculous it is. Why is Kylie being driven around an abandoned carpark in the back of BMW? Has she turned to hooning in middle age? And who thought that stripper outfit was a good idea? Perhaps these mysteries will never be solved but at least we'll always be able to look back on the diva's latest desperate attempt to jump on the urban pop bandwagon. Now Kylie just has to re-release that infamous version of "Chocolate" with Ludacris and my life will be complete. Please buy this shit so my favourite singer doesn't give up on her homeland all together!

Pop Panel 3 - Week 4

Welcome to the latest Pop Panel installment! Once again, sorry for the delay but I was too hungover on Sunday to turn on my computer - let alone whip up this shit up. Maybe I'll move it permanently to Mondays. Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. I don't have a stunning A List celebrity guest like last week but I do have one of the closest Pop Panel battles in recent memory and some of the most stunning anthems to grace my blog in a very long time. Less than a point separated the winner and runner-up this week and I kind of wish it was a tie. I love them both so much! I'm also relieved about the bottom two. Taste still wins over hype and marketing on Pop Trash Addicts! The following bloggers helped me determine our latest single of the week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

Bruce (US) creator of my favourite website of all time The Universal Love Of La Toya. I feel honoured and blessed by his presence!

and

Grant (Canada) writer of the amazing Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars. The Isle is THE pace on the net for hard to find, trashy pop gems.

Ok, let's get cracking. As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest.

Ellie Goulding - Your Song (Above)

Ellie does Elton John. I think he liked it.

Bruce: Gag. So earnest it hurts. Belongs on a "Songs For Cutters" compilation. Could this canary warble a little more please? Is this the song that won her Britain's Got X Idol or something? I'm sure Sir Elton LOVED her version! Him hating it doesn't buy him a new beach house! 1/5
D'Luv: So, she pulled a "Mad World" and reinvented the song as a maudlin dirge. Too bad there's no Jake Gyllenaal to jerk off over like with "Mad World" in 'Donnie Darko'. 2.5/5
Grant: Don't get me wrong, as I adore me some Ellie. But isn't this just a bit too precious? I'm not a fan of Queen Elton anyway, but somehow this makes a mediocre song even worse. But because it's Ellie, I'll be kind. 3/5
J-Step: I think I was on that train in July. If I would've known Ellie was doing this 5 carriages down, I would've walked down and slapped and kicked her for even thinking about releasing the second most pointless recording of all time (yeah, that's right Freemasons, "Uninvited" was a fucking disaster)! 1/5
Mike: Vile. This self-indulgence, achingly pretentious, soulless massacre of Elton's classic ballad makes me want to tie Ellie to a chair and force her to listen to the Cheryl Cole anthology as punishment. 0/5
The Prophet: I love Ellie. I actually wish she had stuck with some more electronic based sounds, just while the trend is hot, but this is a beautiful cover of Elton's classic. 4/5
Total: 11.5/30

Rihanna ft. Drake - What's My Name? (Video)

RiRi's latest cure for insomnia.

Bruce: In spite of Rihanna's cheeriness in the video, I find this song to be another bummerjam from our Barbadian Barbie. If this is the "fun Rihanna" then we really are in a global depression! Drake's unnecessary auto-drone seems like it was written in the car on the way to the studio. Although I do appreciate new math-related oral sex jokes. I'm sure after 1000 impressions it will stop bothering me that the lyrics have nothing to do with knowing her name. Ree-ahh-nah, what's the point? 2/5
D'Luv: I hated this song at first, but now it's grown on me. I can't believe it got to #1 in the U.S., but I feel it wouldn't have plummeted to #7 the next week if Drake hadn't been involved. He's a drag. 3/5
Grant: And so Rihanna continues her trend of following up a scorcher with an utter piece of boring, repetitive shite. No wonder it was a #1 hit in the US! And points deducted for featuring the blandly bland Drake, who along with Bieber is giving us Canadians a bad name. Thank God for supertalents like Elise Estrada and Margo! 2/5
J-Step: Don't hate it as much as Mike, but yeah, still pretty fucking boring. The U.S. market is too busy stroking it's NARROW mindedness to actually listen to what they're producing... lucky them! 2(for the "oh, na-na")/5
Mike: Here, bitch. Let me explain your name. R is for rubbish. I is for insufferable. H is for hack. A is for absolutely shit. N is for not another song about your supposed sexual prowess when you probably lie there like there an industrial strength blow up doll. N is also for nobody cares about your stupid fucking red wig. A is for your fans are arseholes. 0/5
The Prophet: Another flawless epic summer anthem from Queen RiRi. She may not be the most talented girl on earth but she sure knows how to shit out the hits! 5/5
Total: 14/30

Pet Shop Boys - Together (Video)

80s pop icons are still on the grind, filming this opus in glamorous Estonia.

Bruce: Solid Pet Shop Pop if a bit too Guettafied, it should still please their core audience of wistful disco queens. I'm sorry that someone feels that the PSBs are too old and decrepit to appear in their own music video, but I really enjoyed learning all about the underground Estonian ballroom breakdance scene! 4/5
D'Luv: I like this song. Not over the moon about it, and not their best single (plus, the "Ultimate" package it's included on is useless). But the video is definitely their finest in a decade. 3.5/5
Grant: Meh. Never been much of a fan, and this ain't gonna change that. It's like Neil Young being backed by Basshunter i.e. my worst nightmare. No thanks. 1.5/5
J-Step: These bitches could keep producing the same catchy hook-driven tracks for eternity and I'd still lap them up! Oh, wait, they have, and I do! I'm still waiting for a "Go West"/"It's A Sin" mash-up (yes, a boy can dream!)3/5
Mike: Yeah it's a bit shit but the "boys" have been rolling out the same song since 1993. I give this two extra points for them not appearing in the video. 2.5/5
The Prophet: I know I'm an asshole and the Pet Shop Boys are a great band for those who like them, but I fucking hate them and everything they do. I'd rather insert a razor blade into my anus than listen to these cunts. 0/5
Total: 14.5/30

Miami Horror - Holidays (Above)

3rd single from Australian electro outfit's "Illumination" album.

Bruce: Feeling the upbeat Jamiroquaishness, not feeling the strained vocals! It's wallpaper funk that has a decent bounce to it, but I can't say I want to hear it again. I can definitely say I don't want to watch the Adventures of Penis Mouth again! Ever! 3/5
D'Luv: Wait — am I hallucinating? Did Mike actually pass along a classy dance-pop jam for us to review for a change? I'm watching the video for a sixth time now, still looking for the Spanish tranny or the low-rent gay who needs voice lessons. 4/5
Grant: They can do no wrong in my books, and this track is no exception, though this video is perhaps their worst to date. And why feature Sarah Connor's twin brother in the leading role? 4.5/5
J-Step: It's definitely got a nice, cruisy, summer vibe going for it, but it's just a little too forgettable fluff for me! 2.5/5
Mike: A great summer jam from Miami Horror with a stack of killer remixes. Not sure about the District 9 meets Thelma & Louise video clip. 4/5
The Prophet: This is cool... Nothing else to say on the matter, really. 4/5
Total: 22/30

Her Majesty & The Wolves - Stars In Your Eyes (Video)

Ex-Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt's new band.

Bruce: Sorry, if we were in an off-cycle for the Black Eyed Peas I might allow this but they've just come back with a fresh assault on global radio so I'm afraid this won't work. I ask: if the one Pussycat who can sing can't have a hit, what makes the one who can do a vertical splitz think she can have one? Sorry, she kinda needs another five panty-dancers next to her to make it interesting. More Dolls, less glow-in-the-dark skeleton costumes! 2/5
D'Luv: Dizzee Rascal wants his three-dollar hooker back. But oh, well — this is actually good trash. If Cheryl Cole made videos this classy, I might not want to kick her pussy in. 4/5
Grant: It's amazing what talent Nicole was trying to stifle in PCD. All of her back-up dancers are now banging out pure pop trash brilliance, and Kimberley is at the head of the pack. Though not as fabulous as Glaciers, this is super-hot and skanky. Bonus points for paying tribute to Dannii's look circa 2002 and employing Ashley, the only Pussycat Doll without discernible talent. 4.5/5
J-Step: This is gonna be a grower! Nicole must be SCHiting herself. She's being outfabulised left, right and centre! 4/5
Mike: I like it but the production is more dated than Cher's birth certificate and Kimberly's voice makes Jessica Sutta sound like a pre-crack Whitney Houston. 3/5
The Prophet: Finally, the REAL talent in PCD is getting to shine! KIMBERLEGEND FTW! 5/5
Total: 22.5/30

Margo - Walking In LA (Video)

Internet sensation covers an 80s classic by Missing Persons.

Bruce: The year is 2011: Electro Punk has arrived! Great spin on a golden oldie, but just as you're starting to feel the funk the chorus kinda brings things to a screeching halt. Good thing the hyper freakout at the end gets your fist pumping again! 3/5
D'Luv: This is a pretty good cover. Ellie Goulding should take a few pointers. Once she pulls the oven mitt and Sylvia Plath novel out of her snatch, that is. 4/5
Grant: I could not love Margo more, and not just because she is currently my best (Facebook) friend. Thankfully she's doing us Canadians proud with style, edge, talent, beauty, personality and heavy doses of all of the old school music that I love. What an inspired song to remake as she takes over LA and soon the world!! 5/5
J-Step: I could teach you a thing or two, yeah, yeah! Luci's on fire this week. Taking over the world, one bitch at a time! 4/5
Mike: What a grower! The first time I heard this it just made me long for Traci Lords' stunning cover but I've seen the light. Margo is the sound of 2011! And I agree with J-Step. The production is very Luciana/Bodyrox-esque but I can't think of a bigger compliment. 5/5
The Prophet: I swear I discovered this bitch and now everybody is on her wig. She's so fierce! 4.5/5
Total: 25.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Elise Estrada - You're So Hollywood (Below)

Stunning Canadian diva scored a #98 smash with this anthem in her homeland.

Bruce: First off, Paris doesn't go to the gym 'cuz the coke keeps her skinny, but whatever... I love the new Princess of Pacific Rim Pop! This is the kind of magic that gets created when a power vocalist is paired with an even more powerful computer application! (Maybe it failed to reach #97 on the charts because it's too "inside" showbiz and average Canadians don't relate to the struggles of getting your headshot posted in delicatessens?) The video earns extra points for the "Law and Order: Vancouver" storyline and the lipstick on the male dancers. 5/5
D'Luv: Oh, hell yes. 5/5
Grant: A surprise return from Canada's premiere recording artist after, well, almost everyone else. Mind you, since no one here was even aware of her in the first place, I guess it's not that much of a surprise. But a tasty piece of cheese it is, and good on her for making a desperate bid to reach the US and Asian markets in the vid (even if she does have to hire her own 'fans'). 3.5/5
J-Step: L.A. has REALLY changed Luciana! 4/5
Mike: Glamour has a new name! This is further proof that the charts are rigged. Elise should be #1 on every chart in existence. Her profound vocal prowess, stunning beauty and relatable lyrics touched me in places I didn't even know I had. Please tell me Canada's greatest talent since Celine Dion has an album on the way! 5/5
The Prophet: This glamorous diva is my new fave! She's like the Asian Kaci/Kimberly. 3.5/5
Total: 26/30

Tanya - Russia's Lady Gaga!

Sorry for the soft porn but it's pretty much impossible to find a picture of my favourite new diva with clothes on. That's just how Tanya rolls! Apart from keeping Russian men's magazines in business, the stunning beauty is also in the process of making Lady Gaga completely redundant by stealing (and vastly improving) her act. And Tanya isn't ashamed to admit as much! I can't speak a word of Russian but she apparently name checks her inspiration in the song and definitely pays homage to the fame monster in the breathtakingly amazing film clip. Seriously, this is the best thing I've seen in AGES. I love the ridiculously catchy song - where can I buy this exquisite slice of pop perfection? - but the raunchy video lifts classy Tanya into a whole new stratosphere. The pride of Russia spends the clip modelling wandering around the world's most glamorous trailer park, flashing her tits and arse. That is when she's not fellating an ice cream or going down on her fat German husband to turn on her disturbingly attired next door neighbour. The outfits in the video are also amazing. Like Lady Gaga as styled by the Reject Shop! And for the most amusing/offensive piece of pop symbolism of 2010, look no further than the watermelon at approximately 2:20 minutes. Filth! A big thanks to Christoffer for alerting me to the new Queen of slavic pop.

Zayra - Baby Likes To Bang

I've been meaning to write about Zayra for months. She first appeared on my pop trash radar earlier this year when "V.I.P." started making waves on the US dance chart. The song eventually became a top 5 club hit and hasn't left the 'recently played' playlist on my iPod ever since. So who is this mysterious diva? Well, I know she's gorgeous and hails from Puerto Rico. I'm also aware that she came to fame on the reality TV show Supernova in 2006 and released a couple of Spanish language albums in the early noughties. But things get a bit murky after that. The stunning Latina eventually re-emerged this year with a scorching hot dance sound and edgy new image. While "V.I.P" chronicled the trials and tribulations of being rich and beautiful, her latest single is a good old sex anthem. Not that you can actually hear or distinguish the lyrics. Zayra is too fabulous for anything as mundane and pedestrian as enunciating her words! The focus, rather, falls on the catchy chorus, thundering dance beats and stunning video clip (below) - which basically re-creates a Tarantio movie. Our glamorous heroine plays a bad arse bitch who saves a pair of bikini clad twins from a psycho killer. Amazing! Now bring on the remixes and let Zayra claim her throne as the new queen of dance.

Medina's Addictive 3rd Single

When are people (outside of Denmark and Deutschland) finally going to get correct and jump on the Medina bandwagon? The Danish pop star has released two stunning singles and a brilliant English language debut album yet continues to wither in Robyn's overhyped shadow. It's so unfair because "You & I" would have been a worldwide smash for the Swedish troll but was roundly ignored outside Germany, where it became a much deserved top 10 hit. This is like Janet and La Toya all over again! Why must the pretty, talented one always come off second best? But I digress. Medina isn't going let something as insignificant as having no hits keep her down. The striking diva recently unveiled her third single and it's another throbbing electro-pop anthem with melancholy lyrics and laser sharp production. "Addiction" isn't as epic as "You & I" or quite as devastating as "Lonely" but it's a grower. I love the drugs metaphor and she works the bleak yet still catchy chorus for all it's worth. I really don't know why Medina is always so depressed but it kind of suits her. She is the Queen of pissed-off-and-over-it electro! The Danish delight also turns it out in the video. She plays a supermodel and spends most of the clip looking sad in a glamorous kind of way. "Addiction" is released physically in Germany on the 26th of November. A deluxe two disco edition of her album "Welcome To Medina" hits stores the same day. I want!

Watch "Addiction" HERE

Sorry, I couldn't find an embeddable link.

Ke$ha Conquers Australia

Ke$ha's status as the voice of our generation was underlined yet again this morning with a triumphant appearance on Sunrise. I thought her iconic X Factor performance would go down as the defining moment of 2010 but our holy Queen upped the stakes even further by bringing her vocal genius (and crotch) to breakfast television. From the moment the new and vastly improved Madonna appeared on stage in her sequined hot pants and ripped stockings looking like she'd just crawled out of a Kings Cross gutter after a hard night of stripping, I knew we were in for something special. Ke$ha's angelic voice is always a thing of beauty but this was her best live performance of "We R Who We R" yet. Not only did she sing the fuck out of her uplifting response to gay teen suicide, she also managed to bring lesbian dancers and drag queens to morning TV. However, the defining moment occurs at the 1:20 minute mark when the already legendary diva climbs on to the sofa next to Kochie, flashes her crotch and throws a wine glass full of glitter over him while singing about "hitting on dudes. Hard!" Gold! Tickets for Ke$ha's Sydney tour are on sale NOW through Ticketek. I'm crying and shaking with anticipation!

James Leon - Caught Up In Your Vanity

How often do two of your friends release fabulous electro-pop singles on the same day? This is surreal! Hot on the heels of Peter Wilson's Italo-tastic "Intoxicated" comes James Leon's triumphant second single "Caught Up In Your Vanity". The Englishman's stunning debut caused quite the stir online last year and, from memory, appeared on my very first Pop Panel. As much as I love "Purple Heart", his latest electronic adventure is in a completely different league. "Caught Up In Your Vanity" has a raw honesty and vulnerability that you're simply not used to hearing in catchy pop records. The personal lyrics strike a chord with me - "I pushed the button for self destruct, I guess we make our own luck" - and I love the restrained production. Fans of the Pet Shop Boys (or their tribute act Hurts) should lap this up like Neil Tennant's semen. James is a real talent and I think it's only a matter of time before a major label realises his huge potential. If you're still not convinced, check out "Bad Guy" - one of the best unreleased pop songs ever! "Caught Up In Your Vanity" is available to download from iTunes, Amazon and 7Digital now. Get downloading!

Peter Wilson Vs Matt Pop - Intoxicated

I'm excited. 90s Hi-NRG pop sensation Peter Wilson is back. Again! Some of you might remember Pete's 2007 comeback/long overdue debut album "Follow Me". I interviewed him for the blog a couple of times and had him on the Pop Panel. Since then Peter has focused on writing and producing for iconic divas like Amanda Lear, Samantha Fox, Sabrina and Nicki French. For a while there he threatened to retire from performing for good but I'm glad he changed his mind because "Intoxicated" is something of a belter. A collaboration with Dutch producer Matt Pop, the song is a fabulous blend of old school Italo-disco and modern electro-pop. This is essential listening for any 80s pop fan. In fact, it's almost as amazing as his seminal Australian classic "Into The Night". High praise indeed! Peter's latest single is available to download from Amazon now and even comes with a remix from PWL favourites Dave Ford and Ian Curnow. If you're still addicted to physical singles like me, you can order a copy from Energise Records online store. Mine had better get here soon - I want it autographed with lots of sweet nothings!

Pop Panel 3 - Week 3

Welcome to the most surreal Pop Panel yet. This week's selection includes songs from an Asian girlband, a tranny, one of Sweden's biggest stars and the owner of Germany's most famous child bearing hips. And then there's our winner. I really don't know what to say. Our third place getter was clearly ROBBED but I'm too amused by the outcome to be outraged. Only on Pop Trash Addicts! As much as I enjoyed the bitching and shock voting, this week was all about our celebrity guest judge. We've been blessed by the presence of a beautiful orange angel but more about her later. I should also reveal that I've implemented a small change this week by reducing the number of songs to seven after complaints that Pop Panel takes longer to read than War and Peace. Let me know what you think - if I should reduce the number of songs further or keep it as is. Anyway, time to get on with it. The Panel is comprised of the following bitches bloggers:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

And then there's our special celebrity guest - the one and only Kelly Llorenna! This is such an honour. I've been obsessed with the golden goddess of pop since I first heard "Set You Free" in the 90s. She is a true legend and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of dealing with. K Lo is still busy working on her Freak Asylum project with Love To Infinity but hopefully we'll be hearing something new before the end of the year. I'll update you as soon as there is any news regarding a release date. In the meantime, read my interview with the original Queen of Clubs and check out her iconic improvement of Madonna's "Dress You Up" (below).

As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Cascada – Night Nurse (Video)

Natalie & Co return with another Hi-NRG anthem.

D'Luv: Cascada's 17th attempt at remaking "Poker Face" comes close, but no cigar. At least this video had a budget of 30 euros. 2/5
J-Step: Fucking stupid song! Honestly, I go from liking Cascada to being a hater with each single release. Needless to say, I'm back on team hater. 2/5
Kelly Llorenna: Disappointed with this. Prefer when they are doing more uptempo stuff like "Evacuate the Dancefloor" etc. This just seems very weak compared to the fab pop tracks they have had out in the past... not really feeling the video either. They have done some great vids in the past but this is not one of my faves. I give it 2/5.
Mike: Poor Natalie looks like a plus sized Oompa Loompa in the video but this is entirely acceptable dance trash. Bring on the Yanou Candlelight Mix! 2.5/5
Robpop: An epic titanic shit track of leviathan proportions. 0/5
The Prophet: Why are these floptastic failures still releasing music? Ugh. I give this song some credit though because it's not as in-your-face HI-NRG as the rest of their stuff, and I respect them for slightly toning down their sound and trying something slightly different for a change. It's just a shame the song is so boring. 2/5
Total: 11/30

Alesha Dixon - Radio (Video)

2nd single from Alesha's forthcoming album.

D'Luv: I love how, to break Alesha in America, they have a total white trash couple fighting in a trailer in the video. It's like the "Love The Way You Lie" clip on a shoestring budget and with actors who actually suck worse than Megan Fox. It'll probably work, and this song will be a smash! 2/5
J-Step: Oh, Jesus, I thought Cascada was bad!!! Alesha attempting a ballad is so much worse than Cascada vomiting up and eating the same song for 10 years! 0.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I was disappointed with this after loving the first single "Drummer Boy" off the new album and the video too. A bit "middle of the road" ballad for miss Dixon. She looks great as usual in the video but not as strong as her other stuff. Shame! As I do like her... I give it 3/5.
Mike: "Radio" sounds like something Ryan Tedder spewed out in 5 minutes between ads while watching the Antiques Roadshow but I kind of like it. Just a shame it was wasted on a talent free zone like Alesha. 3/5
Robpop: If the Cascada track was a Titanic mess, then this is its sister ship, the rms olympic which stayed the course as a ship and was eventually retired. In other words, this is okay but nothing outstanding. It manages to keep its course as an average listenable tune but will ultimately find itself retired into the sunset of the ether. 2/5
The Prophet: When is Alesha DICKson going to realise nobody cares about her solo career? An epic fail at ripping of Queen Robyn on this song. Ew. 0/5
Total: 11/30

Darin - Lovekiller (below)

Swedish pop star dusts off new single.

D'Luv: The appeal of this guy has escaped me for the large part of his career, though I like a few of his songs. This one's pretty exceptional. Just a really good, non-conventional ballad. 4/5
J-Step: If this really is Sweden's 'King of Pop' then they're in dire need of some new talent. This song (worst metaphor EVER) is almost laughable. When the hell are you supposed to pump this out of your speakers? Mine have just given me a strongly worded warning featuring many expletives that if I even think about doing it again they're going to incinerate themselves. 1/5
Kelly Llorenna: Always love videos which start as a feature film. It took a few plays for me to get into this but kind of like it. I don't really know a lot about this guy but he seems to be doing something right. Nice voice too. I think there are bigger songs to come from him yet. The song is ok but easily forgotten. The bit in the video where they are in the church with black eyes freaked me out! lol! 3/5
Mike: And the award for the most heavy handed and depressing metaphor in recent pop history goes to Darin. This made me want to take a warm bath with a sharp razor. The thing is - I kind of love how over the top it is and will probably play "Lovekiller" on the repeat when I'm old, alone and living in a rundown caravan park with 30 cats. 3.5/5
Robpop: Oh there are those strings again. 2 points already. By the time of chorus kicks in, you could imagine this being sung by Jordin Sparks. Not that that's entirely a bad thing but it is totally void of character and emotion. As a stand alone song I feel this is actually the best of the bunch this week but there is absolutely emotion or soul in it. Leaves me numb. 3/5
The Prophet: Darin is only relevant when he's performing with the LEGENDARY Kat DeLuna. Flop. 0/5
Total: 14.5/30

Girls' Generation - Hoot (Video)

Korean girlband unveils latest smash.

D'Luv: Great. So a pack of Korean strippers got ahold of daddy's Platinum Visa card, Mapquested their way to Victoria's Secret and now think they're Girls Aloud. They've actually got 50 times more charisma than Girls Aloud, but this is still boring as fuck. 1/5
J-Step: They're no BoA! Catchy chorus, though. And I love the clip! 3/5
Kelly Llorenna: Wasn't sure what to expect from this girlband as I had never heard anything about them but was pleasantly surprised!! Very catchy pop song which reminded me of something Girls Aloud would do. Really liked the video too... very poppy and couldn't stop singing it all day lol. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how many where in the band!? lol! I give it 4/5.
Mike: If the Wonder Girls are Asia's answer to Destiny's Child, then I guess that makes Girls Generation the Korean Shakaya. 1/5
Robpop: Reasonably okay pop from Girls Generation. A bit too tedious and lukewarm for me. It kinda sounds like an S Club 8 b-side. 3/5
The Prophet: These girls never fail to have the best and catchiest hooks on all their stunning hits. "Hoot" is no "Gee" but it's still amazing, nonetheless. 5/5
Total: 17/30

Slash feat. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous (Video)

Ex-Guns N Roses guitarist gets fergalicious.

D'Luv: No. 0/5
J-Step: Hot song, hot video = HOT, HOT, HOT!!! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: Love it, love it. love it!!! My fave out of all the reviews. I am a massive fan of Slash and Fergie. This rocks!!! This is one of them tracks I wish I had done!!! lol! Slash's guitar licks and Fergie's bad ass voice!!! Winning formula!!! And the video!!! Wow!!! And the best butt award goes to? Wow she looks amazing!!! My fave!!! 5/5
Mike: Absolutely stunning. This was never going to be a hit but I love everything about it. The Dutchess shows P!nk how a real rock chick rolls! And as much as it pains me to admit, I agree with The Prophet. Fergie needs to take a holiday from the Peas and do her own thing. Someone needs to put the pretenders in check. 5/5
Robpop: Crap.0/5
The Prophet: Fergie just SNATCHED AND SLAYED your faves! Stay mad! She needs to fuck off this electro shit with the Black Eyed PEA BRAINS and start work on her own ROCK album. 5/5
Total: 19/30

Peppermint – Let U have It (Video)

New York's hottest tranny gets sexy.

D'Luv: This is what Hell sounds like, as produced by C+C Music Factory. 5/5
J-Step: I prefer spearmint, bitch. Leave the yelling to Kelis. Keep the guy, though! 2.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I feel a RuPaul vibe here! The song reminds me of a Britney track. The song is slightly weak for me but the video makes up for it as it's very glam and sexy. I couldn't remember the song...but I could tell you all about the video! lol! I give it 2/5 for song, 4/5 for video.
Mike: Ultra Nate called and wants her "Automatic" video back but I can't hate on Peppermint despite her ruthless swagga jacking. Any diva that spends her entire video groping a naked man is ok by me and I love that the song sounds like an En Vogue B-side from 1992. 5/5
Robpop: When I heard Naomi Campbell was releasing an album with Lenny Kravitz back in the heady days of the 1990's I thought she'd put out something like this. Despite being a tiny bit dated, this is not bad. Not overly brilliant. But good. 2.5/5
The Prophet: It's no "Tranny in the House" but it's still epically defining. I just wanna EAT that guys ASS like I'm MUNCHING on a giant slice of WATERMELON! Is that too vulgar? Whatever. 4.5/5
Total: 21.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Susan Boyle – Perfect Day (below)

Susie covers Lou Reed.

D'Luv: I'd fuck her. 5/5
J-Step: Surprisingly enough, I like this. Anyone else see the parallels with Vanessa Amorosi's "Perfect"? Both in the name and video's sweeping pan shots... haha, love it! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: After seeing her on Piers Morgan, I actually really like her now. I still prefer Lou Reed's version but this is not bad... got a Christmas vibe going on with the choir and bells and chimes in the background! lol. It reminds me of something Cliff Richard would bring out (as he normally does) for Christmas... I give it 2.5/5.
Mike: The arrangement is cute in a vomit inducing kind of way and there's no denying Susie's hypnotic sex appeal but I wish K Lo had recorded a stunning Hi-NRG cover version instead. "Perfect Day" needs Kelly's powerhouse vocals and legendary golden glow! Maybe next year? 3.5/5
Robpop: Actually, this is a beautiful arrangement. For sure, I have "issues" with the cover and the singer but putting those prejudices aside this is actually a rather stunning version. I like the way they've brought in strings. Something of which I have a huge weak spot for. Respect goes to covers which have re-worked it and brought out different aspects, narratives and emotions that weren't really there originally. 5/5
The Prophet: I LOVE Auntie Susie! I know Susie's turned this classic into an English Church hymn but I don't care. I even bought this single legally on iTunes. That Susie reign just won't let up! 5/5
Total: 25/30

A Ke$ha Doll

I saw this mannequin at the shops last weekend. It's poise, grace and open legs reminded me of Ke$ha. That is all.

Poker Face - Country Style

Why didn't anyone tell me about this? A German country singer releasing a boot scootin' cover of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" is my idea of pop trash heaven! When I first heard this stunning rendition, I hoped assumed it was a piss take but Meg is very much for real. The German Taylor Swift - but better - is signed to Sony and scored a massive #78 smash at home with her Gaga cover. Finally a nation that recognises real talent! The biggest surprise is how well "Poker Face" works as a country song. Meg's thin voice and unfortunate accent don't help her cause but someone with talent could have nailed this. Which underlines how brilliant Lady Gaga's signature tune really is. From disco to barnyard, "Poker Face" gets gays on their feet! If you're as enamoured with Meg as I am, you'll be happy to know that the diva's entire album is comprised of covers. Words can describe her version of "Maneater". Nelly Furtado just retired from shame! Anyway, brace yourself for Germany's latest gift to popular culture. Meg's crazy eyes in the video (below) kill me. I need to own this!